Learning to Live
by Kare831
Summary: Two lives struck with tragedy struggle to find themselves. Can they get past the hurt and find their way to each other and learn to live again?
1. Chapter 1

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-readers – Darcysmom, Twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without you ladies, this would be a hot mess!

* * *

 **Learning to Live**

* * *

Chapter One

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"Excuse me, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?"

I jumped at the unexpected voice and turned to find a petite woman with a bright smile beaming at me. Her smile calmed my racing heart, but it didn't diminish the anxiety I felt at the task I wanted to undertake.

"Umm, no, thank you. I'm just looking around."

It was the truth. I felt intimidated by Home Depot, but there was something to be said about accomplishing something you did with your own two hands.

"Are you working on a project?"

"Umm, yes. No. I don't know. I mean …." I sighed. "I hope to be working on a project. There's this house that I'm thinking about buying and it needs a lot of work."

I need a lot of work – who was I kidding?

"Ahh. Well, projects like that can be fun, but they can also be a lot of work and sometimes you can't do everything by yourself. Have you consulted a contractor?"

I squinted my eyes, trying to read the name on her apron. She must have had it a while because it was covered in paint splatters which didn't help the fact that her name had been written in Sharpie and the ink had clearly bled onto the fabric.

"Oh! Sorry! I'm Alice," she said, holding out her hand.

"Hi, Alice. I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Bella. You must be new here."

"Well, sort of. I haven't moved here yet … officially anyway."

"But you're thinking of moving here, yeah?"

"Maybe … like I said, there's a house …."

"Mmmhmm. You mentioned that. Well, listen Bella, I'm here four days a week if you have any questions. I know a couple realtors in town, and I have two brothers who run a construction company. So if you need any help, you let me know."

Alice handed me her card and walked away with a wink.

"Alice!" I hollered.

"Yes?"

"Umm … you said to call you if I need any help."

"That's right."

"What if I need a friend?" I whispered.

"I do believe that might fall under the help category, Bella. You give me a call and we can get together for coffee, and we'll chat about this house. Okay?"

"The house … yeah, sure." I smiled.

"Good. I'll see you later, Bella."

I climbed into my truck and shook my head. Was I going crazy? Asking a virtual stranger to be my friend? After all, I was considering moving to a new town to start a new life. Leaving my past behind and making a fresh start is exactly what I need. Or is it?

Before I could answer myself, I started my truck and pulled out onto the highway headed toward the house that I had fallen in love with. It was for sale, the older lady who owned it couldn't keep it up any longer. It was a beautiful white farmhouse and all the land that surrounded it was inhabited by corn fields. There were two huge trees in the front yard, one a beautiful weeping willow and the other an old oak that had fallen onto the house, completely collapsing the front porch. The owner paid to have the tree removed, but she didn't have the money to repair the porch.

I loved that the old floors creaked when you walked across them, and I was sure that once they had been sanded and buffed, they'd be beautiful again. Stepping into the house from the back door, led you directly into the kitchen. There were no cabinets, which I found a bit odd, but it was something that could be fixed.

When I first looked at the house, the lack of cabinets in the kitchen made it seem empty - a harsh reminder and a mirror of my own life, but it also reminded me that it could be fixed, knowing fully well that somethings … couldn't.

The kitchen opened into a large dining and living room. A brick fireplace separated the two spaces. The living room had a big bay window that looked out onto the rubble that was once the front porch. I was surprised that there wasn't damage to the window from the tree falling. Turning to my left, I walked into the entryway. The ceiling went all the way up to the second story. There were three stairs and a landing that either led three steps down into the kitchen or up to the two bedrooms upstairs. Directly across from the living room was a bedroom and ensuite bathroom that was added on after the house was originally built.

"My husband John and I used our savings to have the two bathrooms added on to the house in the early Seventies70's. It was right after the city re-appropriated the sewer lines and brought the sewer out here. When this house was built in the early 1900's there was no such thing as running water and electricity. The kitchen had an old wood burning stove and the water pump was just outside the back door. The outhouse is still out there, but it's been filled in."

I loved that the house had so much history. It had been owned by only one family and it was handed down generation to generation. It was old and needed work, but it had a lot of character – good bones, if you will.

"Ms. Cope, if you don't mind me asking … why are you selling? Why aren't you gifting this house to your kids and grandkids?"

"Oh, honey. John and I only had one daughter. She's married and has kids of her own. My grandkids have kids and homes of their own and they don't want this old house. It's too much work and upkeep for them. Besides, it's too far from the city for them. The corn fields scare the bejeezus out of the kids, so they don't even like coming all the way out here to visit."

"That's too bad. It's a beautiful house, it just needs a little TLC."

The truth was that I'd fallen in love with the house the moment I laid eyes on it. I loved that it had a history – one that wasn't mine.

"That's why I think you're the perfect buyer, Isabella. You're young, and beautiful. You take this house and fix it up and fill it with lots of beautiful little babies. Find yourself a handsome man to help you, to stand beside you and take care of you. Find some happiness in this house, Isabella."

"I'll take it."

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A/N: Thoughts? Thank you for reading! =D


	2. Chapter 2

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-readers – Darcysmom, Twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this would be a hot mess!

* * *

 **Learning to Live**

* * *

Chapter Two

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Sold.

Mine.

I had to admit that it felt good to see the sold sign posted across the for sale sign at the edge of what will be my property by the end of the week. One week and it would officially be mine.

Ms. Cope has given me a key to the garage so I could store my things. I didn't have much – most of my things were in storage, but I had enough to get started. As I unloaded boxes from my truck into the garage, a tall, broad shouldered man with dimples and a gleaming smile startled me.

"Hi, I didn't mean to scare you, ma'am. I'm Emmett Cullen and I own Cullen Construction. I've been hired by the real estate company to take a look at the porch. They want an estimate for repairs before they will complete the sale of the house."

"Oh, sure. Of course."

"Are you the buyer?"

"Yes. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I didn't introduce myself. I'm

* * *

Bella Swan."

"Bella Swan," he repeated, as if he were testing it out. "Your name sounds familiar. Huh."

"I'm new here … the only people I know in town are my realtor, Rose; Ms. Cope, the seller of the house; and the girl at Home Depot … Alice is her name."

Emmett chuckled.

"That's why it sounds familiar. Alice is my sister. Why she keeps that job, I'll never know. And Rosie, your realtor? She's my fiancée."

"Ahh … let me guess, you're the contractor that Alice wanted to recommend to me?"

"You got it." he grinned. "I'm the best in town."

"Let's hope so." I grinned.

"Show me this porch that needs work."

I led Emmett to the front of the house to show him the damage.

"Do you want to keep a screened in porch like this or do you want to put in new supports and add a railing?"

"What do you think would look best?"

"Honestly, with the style of the house, I'd recommend the second option. Just looking at it without really picking it apart, I'd say that this porch isn't original, the screen was added later. Putting in new supports and adding the railing would be more cost effective too, if you're concerned about the cost."

"It's not about the money – although I'm not opposed to saving where I can. I think I like the idea of an open porch better."

"Good choice. I can probably get a couple of guys over here and we can have this porch demoed in a few hours. That ought to be enough to satisfy the home inspector so you can get your keys."

"Thanks, Emmett, I appreciate it."

"No problem, Bella. Do you need some help unloading the rest of those boxes?" Emmett asked pointing to my truck.

"Oh, no. I'm good. There's not much left to unload anyway."

"Okay. Here's my card if you need anything in the meantime. We'll get that porch demoed and when you get your keys, I'll have Rosie set up a time to bring by some sample materials, and I'll have a sketch of what your new porch will look like."

"Sounds good."

"You take care, Bella."

He smiled once more and waved as he pulled out of the driveway.

I finished unloading my truck and locked the garage up behind me. I stood in the gravel driveway and looked at the house. What intimidated me a month before wasn't an issue anymore. I was eager to get started on fixing the house up and making a life here.

Before I knew it, I was on the road and pulling into the Home Depot parking lot. Once inside, I asked the girl at the register if Alice was working and she said I could find her in the garden department. When I found her, Alice was busy helping a little girl and her mother choose some flowers to plant together. She caught my eye and promised that she would be with me in a few minutes. I waved her on, knowing that she was only doing her job.

"Sorry about that," Alice apologized.

"No worries, I'm the one who just dropped in."

"It's no problem, Bella. I'm glad to see that you're back. Does this mean that you've decided to buy the house?"

I nodded.

"Yay! Is there something I can help you with?"

"I'm sure there are lots of things you can help me with, Alice."

"Where do you want to start?"

"When will you have time for coffee?"

"I'm off at four, so how does four-thirty sound?"

"Sounds great." I smiled.

"Yay! Meet me at the Java Stop on Main Street?"

"I can do that. I know exactly where it is."

A few hours later, I sat and waited for Alice as I sipped on my iced latte. I brought my notebook and several pictures of the interior of the house that I wanted to change.

Change … yes, change would be good for me. The only thing I didn't want to change in my life is my profession. My hope is that I'll be able to open my own photography studio. I want to wait until the house is done because I don't want to work on two projects at once.

"Hi Bella! Sorry I'm late."

"Hey, Alice. You're fine, don't worry about it. I was thinking about some things for the house anyway."

"Oh good. Let me grab a coffee and we'll talk, okay?"

While Alice waited for her drink, I opened up my notebook and tried to determine where we should start first.

"Tell me about the house you bought. Where is it at?"

"Umm … well, it's on River Road."

"Shut the front door! Bella, the only house on River Road that was for sale was the old Cope house. That house is gorge-ous. Yeah, it needs some work, but the foundation is there."

"I love it."

"How in the blue hell did you manage to get old lady Cope to sell it to you? I heard she's very particular – she wouldn't sell it to just anyone."

"Yeah. I heard about that. My realtor's been great – she knew I was interested in the house, and she suggested that I write Ms. Cope a letter, so I did. She called me about a week later and invited me over for coffee."

"Wow. And that was all it took, huh?"

"She wanted to meet me and see how sincere I was, of course."

"Old lady Cope must have seen something she liked, Bella, or she wouldn't have sold you that house. Her husband sold all the acreage around it before he died because he couldn't maintain it anymore, but that house has been in their family since the early 1900's when it was first built."

I knew everything that Alice was telling me. Ms. Cope and I discussed the history of the house over coffee. She questioned why I was moving along to a new place and I was as honest with her as I could be. In the end, it worked out for me because she agreed to sell me the house, and she even agreed to sell it for less than she listed it for.

"So what made you decide to move to Palisade?"

I sighed.

I knew it wouldn't be long until Alice asked me why I was making such a drastic change in my life. She seemed sweet enough, but I didn't know her well enough to want to tell her my innermost secrets. Instead, I took the easy way out and gave her the simplest answer.

"I needed a change in my life. I want a change. I'm not as young as I used to be and I realized that I want more from my life. I'm excited to be starting fresh."

"You're not as young as you used to be?" Alice laughed. "Exactly how old are you, Bella?"

"I'm 32."

"Are you serious? I never would have guessed you were over 30. I would have guessed you were 26 or so."

"Well, thanks." I chuckled. "So tell me about you. How long have you been in Palisade?"

"I've lived here my whole life. My parents moved here after they got married. They thought it would be a great place to raise a family."

Alice's explanation sent a pang through my heart. Raising a family … exactly the type of thoughts I needed to force out of my head. That would never happen.

"Speaking of family … I met your brother, Emmett, today."

"Yeah? He's one of the best contractors in town."

"Only one of the best?"

"Yes," Alice laughed. "But only because my other brother is a contractor too. Together, they are the best in town."

"Ahh."

"So … you've met Emmett. That must mean that he went by the Cope house to give you an estimate?"

"Yes. He came by to give me an estimate for the porch. He was really nice."

"He'll give you a fair price. Did he tell you that our mom is an interior designer and that she'd practically give her left arm to see the inside of the Cope house?"

"No, he didn't mention your mom."

Alice went on to tell me that her mom had coveted the Cope house for years. I'm sure that if I mentioned to Alice that I was interested in getting some advice on the remodel, that her mom would be more than happy to give it.

"You should come over to our house on Sunday for supper. My mom always makes a huge meal on Sunday and we all get together and sit around and drink wine."

"Oh, I don't know, Alice. I don't want to intrude. I haven't known you all that long and …."

"Bella, it's okay. I know that you're working with Rose, and she'll be there too. We'd love to have you over. Please say you'll come."

"All right, Alice. I'll be there."

Alice and I chatted for a while longer and by the time we left the coffee shop, I vowed I'd talk to her mom on Sunday about coming over to look at the house.

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 **A/N: Thanks for the wonderful response to this story! So glad to see so many familiar readers taking this journey with me! If you didn't already notice, updates will be every Monday.**


	3. Chapter 3

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-readers darcysmom, twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 **Learning to Live**

* * *

Chapter Three

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Sunday afternoon I pulled into the drive of the Cullen's massive estate. The beautiful house was surrounded by acre after acre of grapevines. I parked my truck in front of an ornate wrought iron gate. As I stepped out of the truck, I was greeted by Emmett and his warm, wide smile.

"Bella! You made it! Ali said you were coming, but since she hadn't heard from you, she wasn't one hundred percent sure."

"Sorry, I was over at the house. Ms. Cope wanted to give me the keys herself."

"It's finally yours, huh?" He smiled.

"Yeah, all mine." I grinned.

"Awesome! Come on in, I'll introduce you to my parents."

I followed Emmett through the gate into an enclosed courtyard.

"My mom designed all this, and my brother and I built it for her."

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

"Wait 'til you see the inside," Emmett chuckled.

I felt like my eyes were bugging out of my head. What I saw outside the house paled in comparison to the inside. I was in complete awe. From the pale stone floors to the rich, warm exposed beams overhead, the Cullen's home was absolutely exquisite. The décor was beautifully done in shades of brown and rust which were accented with shades of turquoise and malachite. Large Kokopelli figures with a patina finish adorned the walls and tied all the southwest colors together.

"You must be Bella." a woman no taller than me smiled as she met us in the entryway. "I'm Esme, and it's so nice to meet you."

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you as well, Esme. You have a lovely home."

"Thank you. Why don't you come on out to the patio. My husband is serving up Sangria and Alice's husband is just putting the finishing touches on the appetizers."

Esme and Emmett led me out the back door where Rose and Alice were sitting with a handsome older man. They were laughing and smiling at something the gentleman had said.

"Bella!" Alice and Rose squealed.

"Hi," I said shyly.

After giving them both hugs, they introduced me to Carlisle who greeted me warmly and offered me the most delicious Sangria I'd ever tasted. A few minutes later, Jasper, Alice's husband brought out a tray of appetizers.

"Jasper, these are delicious."

"Aww, thanks, Miss Bella, but I can't take all the credit. Ed made most of them."

"Ed?"

"Edward," Esme explained quickly. "He's our other son."

"Where is ole' Eddo?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett," Esme chastised. "I'm sorry, Bella. Edward won't be joining us this afternoon, he sends his apologies."

"No apologies are necessary, Esme. I hope everything is okay."

"Everything's fine," Emmett chuckled. "Edward is a moody motherfucker. We're lucky he came out of his cave long enough to make anything."

"Emmett! That's quite enough!" Esme scowled. "Leave your brother alone. You shouldn't say such things. The roles could have easily been reversed."

Neither Esme nor Emmett said another word regarding Edward or his absence, and an awkward silence fell over us all.

"So, Bella," Carlisle said clearing his throat. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a photographer. I used to do freelance for some of the larger publications in Denver, but since I'm moving, I want to focus on other things. Once the renovations on the house are done, I'd like to open a studio in hopes of building up a solid business."

"What kind of photography do you do, Bella?" Rose asked.

"Portraits, weddings … but I love to do landscapes and nature. I shoot pretty much anything."

"Do you have a portfolio, Bella?" Esme asked.

"Yes. Well, it's in a box somewhere, technically, but yes, I do."

"I'd love to see it sometime. People always ask me if I know anyone who does photography. It would be nice if I had someone to refer them to."

"I want to see it too, girl. Em and I need a photographer for the wedding." Rosalie grinned.

I laughed.

"When is the big day?"

"Good question, Bella. I'd like to know that myself," Emmett chuckled.

"Oh, hush you. I'm just going to tell you where to be and when to be there. Don't worry your handsome little head about anything else," Rose said, glaring at Emmett before turning back to me. "Next spring. Sometime in April. Esme, Alice and I will figure everything out."

"You've got plenty of time."

"Yes, and hopefully by then you'll be ready to work, right?"

"I hope so."

"Bella … Alice said you bought the Cope place on River Road?"

"I did, I stopped by and picked up the keys this morning. It's officially mine."

"Congratulations!"

Everyone sitting around the table offered a toast of congratulations and wished me well on the renovations of my new house. Emmett got me up to speed on what he'd been doing. He and his crew had been over earlier in the week and tore out the old porch. I stopped by one afternoon to see how the progress was going and Emmett suggested that a wrap-around porch would look good with the style of the house and he showed me an artist's rendering of what it would look like. I fell in love with it immediately and asked him to build it for me.

"Esme, Alice tells me that you're an interior designer?"

"I am." Esme nodded.

"I'd love for you to come over and take a look at the house. There are quite a few things that I want to change and I'd love to see what you think about my ideas."

"I'd be honored, Bella. I've never been inside the Cope house, I can only imagine. That house has a story to tell, I'm sure."

"I fell in love with the outside, but I fell even harder when I saw the inside. Everywhere I turned, I saw potential, but I couldn't tell Ms. Cope that. She got to a point where she couldn't care for the house anymore, and things have slipped through the cracks. The floors need repaired as well as the banister. The kitchen definitely needs upgrading – there is still a wood burning stove in it."

"Are you kidding me? That's fantastic! I wish I could have seen it before she moved, I bet she had some fantastic antiques."

"Are you still on the hunt for that elusive hoosier cabinet, sweetheart?" Carlisle asked with a laugh.

"I'll find one someday – you watch."

I laughed.

"You're really going to hate me, Esme. Ms. Cope did have a hoosier cabinet. It was solid oak and in very good condition. Ms. Cope left it in the house for me as a housewarming gift."

"That's a very nice gift, Bella. I can't wait to see it."

Over a delicious meal that Esme had so carefully lovingly prepared, Esme, Emmett, Alice and I chatted about the changes that I wanted to make in my new home.

"There are two bedrooms upstairs that share a Jack and Jill bathroom. There is also an enormous attic that goes all the way across the back of the house. I'd like to see if it's possible to make a master suite upstairs and make the one larger bedroom and part of the attic space into two bedrooms. Ms. Cope made a master bedroom downstairs about twenty years ago when she broke her hip. I'd like to use that space as a family room and make the full bath a powder room because it's very small."

"How do the floors look? I'm assuming they are all hardwood."

"You're right, Esme. They are all hardwood, and I think they're going to need some work. There's a fireplace between the living and dining rooms, and I think the wood around the hearth is going to have to be replaced. It looks like it's been warped by the heat from the fireplace over the years."

We made plans to meet at the house early the next morning. There were a few things that Emmett wanted to check out since I mentioned that I would like to add a fireplace to the master bedroom/ converted family room downstairs.

I helped Alice carry the plates and serving dishes into the house while Rose rinsed the dishes and put them into the dishwasher.

"Thanks for inviting me over today, Alice. I had a really great time."

"You're welcome, Bella. I'm so glad that you were able to come. We loved having you. My mom is so excited to see your house."

"I'm excited to get started on it, and I'm sure she'll have some good advice for me."

"Good, I'm sure she will."

"Alice, can I use the restroom before I head out?"

"Sure, it's down the hall, second door on your right."

As I walked down the hall, I noticed an alcove filled with family pictures. I recognized Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper and Emmett. There were even a few photos of Emmett and Rose. There was one photo that stuck out like a sore thumb. It was of a handsome bronze haired man. He had shocking green eyes and a smile that could light up any room. He was so handsome he nearly took my breath away. Before I realized what I was doing, my fingers had found their way to the frame and gently stroked along his jawline.

"That's Edward."

I jumped when I head Alice's voice behind me, even though her voice was softer than I'd ever heard it.

"He's so handsome."

"He is." She nodded.

"He and Emmett don't get along?"

"They do. They love each other, but they're typical brothers. They work together, and Edward … well he's been through a lot, and Emmett doesn't understand."

"He doesn't want to, or hasn't he tried?"

"A little of both maybe. I stand by and watch, but until they make the effort, there's nothing I can do."

"Love them both, Alice."

She nodded.

"Bella?" Alice asked as I turned to find the restroom.

"Yeah?"

"Why do I get the feeling that there is more to you moving than you needing a change? Your eyes have sadness in them, and I'm sure there's a story there."

I sighed and ducked into the restroom.

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A/N: Early update because I'll be at the beach for the next couple of days and won't have Internet ... Oh darn! ;).

I know y'all were hoping to see Edward this chapter but there's a reason he didn't show up and we'll be getting to that.

Thanks again for all the reviews and for taking this journey with me. See you next Monday!


	4. Chapter 4

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

I closed the door behind me, and I was relieved for an escape from Alice's questions. I stared at myself in the mirror trying to see what she saw in my eyes. Boring brown eyes stared back at me, and all I saw was the same brown eyes I'd seen in the mirror for thirty-two years. The sadness I carried was in my heart, and I knew that the steady beating of it would never betray me.

I took care of business and washed my hands. I splashed some water on my face and decided it was time to face the music. When I stepped out of the bathroom, Alice was nowhere to be found. She wasn't waiting to pounce on me as soon as I stepped out. I made my way into the living room to find Esme straightening up.

"Bella … are you heading out, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I think I should get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

"It definitely sounds like you have your work cut out for you. I'm so glad that you were able to come. You're more than welcome to join us anytime."

"Thank you, Esme. Your hospitality has been more than I could hope for."

"You're quite welcome, sweetheart. It was lovely having you."

"Please tell Carlisle I said goodbye and thank him as well. Please tell Emmett that I will see him tomorrow."

"Will do. Have a good night and drive safe."

Carlisle and Emmett had left after dinner ended. Carlisle wanted to show Emmett something in one of their sheds on the far end of their property. Emmett promised that he would be over to the house bright and early in the morning.

The drive back to my motel room was quiet. I couldn't get the photo of the handsome, elusive, Edward Cullen out of my head. He was so good looking and looked like he was the typical all-American guy. Emmett was about six foot four, and Carlisle had to have been at least six feet tall, so I figured that Edward was tall. His hair color came from Esme, although Edward's appeared to have more red in it.

As I crawled into bed that night and closed my eyes, Edward's smile was the focus of my dreams.

The next morning, I stopped at Java Stop on Main Street and headed out to my new house. Emmett's truck was already in the drive when I pulled in, and all I could do was shake my head. He was almost as anxious to get started on my projects as Esme was to see the house.

"Mornin' Bella!" Emmett hollered from the roof.

"What in the world are you doing up there?" I hollered back.

"I'm checking your roof. I know that the realtors had someone look at it, but that's different from doing it myself."

"You're a jack of all trades, aren't you?" I asked, as Emmett climbed down the ladder.

"I do a bit of everything yes, but there are things that I do better than others."

"Okay. Well, come on in and take a look around before your mom gets here."

I unlocked the door and led him inside.

"Jesus, Bella. My mom is going to have a field day with this," Emmett chuckled as he looked around the kitchen.

"The floors aren't in horrible shape."

"No, I don't think so either. There are a few spots though that I think the boards will need replaced. Come on in here and let me show you."

I showed him the spots in front of the fireplace where I thought the boards needed replaced. Emmett agreed and assured me that it would be an easy fix. I led him into what I wanted to turn into a family room and showed him where I wanted the fireplace to go, and he agreed that it would add character to the room.

"It's on the outer wall, so that's a good thing. Jake, he's my masonry guy – he'll have a blast with this. He does fantastic work – he did the fireplace in the great room at my parent's house and he's going to do the fireplace at the house I'm building for Rosie and me.

"You're building her a house? That's so sweet."

"I don't know about that," he laughed. "She's so picky, she'll never get what she wants I'm building it for her."

"Do you think I'm crazy for buying this old house, when I could have had a new one built?"

"No. You'll never find a house with as much character as this one has. A house with history is far more interesting than one that has nothing at all."

I nodded, wondering if that applied to people too.

"Okay, girlie. Show me the upstairs and what you want to have done with it."

I led Emmett up the stairs and showed him the bedroom that I wanted to make into the master suite first. Then I showed him the bedroom with the lead in to the walk in attic in it. "I think we can definitely do something with this. There is plenty of room to make a nice sized master suite and still have two smaller bedrooms and a bathroom. What are you going to do for storage though?"

"Eventually, I want to build a garage out back. I'll need the storage and I'll want a place to park my truck in the winter."

"That sounds like a plan. I definitely think that your idea is doable, Bella. What are you going to do with the room off the kitchen?"

"I was thinking about opening it up and making it a breakfast nook. Maybe putting in a couple of windows and giving the kitchen some more light."

"Damn, Bella, why didn't you become an interior designer?"

"I know what I like, Emmett, and whenever I picture things, I envision what they would look like through the lens of a camera. I'm doing that with this house. Only I'm picturing what I can do to make it better."

"Fair enough. Umm, Bella … you do know that some of these renos you want to make can be kind of pricey …."

"I know Emmett, and I'm not worried about that. Don't get me wrong – I want the job done right with the most price effective materials, but I am aware that the cost won't come cheap."

Wasn't that the truth? Cost was something I knew about only too well.

As we were coming back down the stairs, I heard Esme and Alice's voices in the kitchen.

"Bella? Emmett?"

"We're here, Ma. Keep your pants on." Emmett chuckled as we stepped down into the kitchen.

"Good morning, sweethearts," Esme said, hugging us both.

"Bella, this house is truly fantastic. There is a lot that you can do with it."

"I know. Good bones and all that."

We laughed, and I led Alice and Esme on the same tour of the house that I'd given Emmett. Esme took notes as we went along, and Alice put in her two cents whenever she thought there was something Esme and I were missing. I loved some of the ideas that Esme had for the house. I wanted to keep with the traditional styling of the house. Esme suggested primitive décor and once she explained it, I fell in love with the idea.

"Some call it early American, but like most things, it's evolved over the years. I think that style would look fantastic in this house, Bella."

"I agree, Esme. I appreciate your input. I'd love for you to help me with this project."

"Oh, Bella. I'd be honored. You're such a sweet girl, honey, and I know you're going to have your hands full with this place. It would be my pleasure to help you."

I was so glad that Esme agreed to help me. Since spending the afternoon chatting with the Cullens the day before, I felt at ease being around them. They welcomed me into their home no questions asked – only taking Alice and Rose's word.

"So where do we start?"

"Well, I think we should see how soon Emmett can get a crew in here to clear out the flooring, so we can see what all of the wood looks like. In the meantime, I want to take some measurements and work on the bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs. It will take me a couple days to get something drawn up, but at least it's a start."

It's definitely a start.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know ... no Edward yet, but he will make an appearance ... SOON. Thank you for all your lovely reviews and for taking the time to read. See you next Monday!


	5. Chapter 5

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971, and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

Sitting in the shade of the gazebo nestled at the edge of my property, I sipped my tea and watched as Emmett's crew hammered away on the last section of my wrap-around porch. The flooring guys were hard at work inside. All the bad boards had been replaced, and the entire floor had been sanded and re-stained. The downstairs bathroom was remodeled, a fireplace was added to the front family room, and the fireplace in the dining room was given a complete overhaul so that it was up to code.

The attic had been converted into two bedrooms and the bathroom was reconfigured. Esme created a luxurious master suite opposite the guest rooms. It was far more than I could have ever asked for. We were waiting for the wood floors to be completed so that the tile could be laid in the kitchen, breakfast nook, and bathrooms. I was eager for it all to be finished so that I could finally move in. The extended stay hotel was okay, but it wasn't home.

In the weeks since Esme and Emmett had agreed to take on this project, I'd become close with the Cullens – all of them except Edward. I still hadn't met Esme's elusive son, which was surprising because since Esme found out where I was staying, I ate dinner with them more often than not. Edward always had an excuse why he couldn't come, and Esme begged me not to think ill of Edward because of it.

"It's not you personally that he's avoiding, Bella. My son … things haven't been easy for him and he doesn't interact well with others. I know that's not much of an explanation, but it's the best I have to offer without betraying my son."

"It's fine, Esme," I assured her. "I'd never ask you do that. It's just … Emmett and Alice speak so fondly of him – I feel like I already know him in a way."

I learned from Alice and Emmett, that Edward was smart, talented, and funny. He played piano and had a love of music that rivaled his love of his family. I also knew that he wasn't much older than me and had a bachelor's degree in Business Finance. He managed the finances for both Emmett's construction company and the Winery and Vineyards that Carlisle and Esme owned.

It was no surprise that Edward was successful at what he did – he had love and support from his incredible family. Every night, I thanked my lucky stars for bringing the Cullens into my life. I don't know what I would have done without them.

"Is this everything you have to move into the house, Bella?" Emmett asked as he followed me into the garage.

"No, I have more stuff, but it's in storage in Denver. I'll either have to hire movers, or rent a truck and move it myself."

"Jazz, Eddie and I can move it for ya, Bella. We even have a truck, so you wouldn't have to rent one."

"I couldn't ask you to do that for me, Emmett. You already do too much."

"Bella … I help because I want to, not because I feel like I need to. I think there is more to your story than you want to let on, and I've never asked out of respect."

"Emmett, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done and continue to do for me. I appreciate it more than you know."

"But?"

"But, you're right. There is more to my story and I'm not quite ready to tell it – in fact, I'd rather forget about it. I would appreciate your discretion."

"Absolutely. It's yours."

"Thank you."

"So when is moving day?" Emmett smiled.

"Well, since the floors are done, I guess the walls should be painted next. Alice was going to have all the paint ready for me to pick up this morning, and I hope to get the kitchen and breakfast nook painted today."

"Are you going to paint it yourself?"

I nodded.

"There are a few things I know how to do, Emmett."

"I think you will continually surprise us, Bella."

"We'll see." I smiled as I climbed into my truck.

*.*.~.*.*

"That's a ton of paint, Bella. Do you think you got enough?" Alice giggled as she helped me put it into my truck.

"I hope I don't have to come back for more," I sighed.

"I can come over and help after work, and I can let Jazz know and he can help too."

"Alice, I'll tell you the same thing I told Emmett this morning. You don't have to do that. You and Jazz work and then come to my place and work some more. That's not fair to you guys."

"We don't mind, Bella. We're glad to help. Besides, that means you'll be closer to getting your cabinets in. I don't know how she did it, but Mom convinced Edward to put them in himself."

"I thought Edward did finances?"

"He does, but he's also a contractor. He's been building things since he was old enough to swing a hammer."

"A jack of all trades, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Alice giggled.

I felt confused. I know Emmett said he worked with his brother, but then Esme told me about Edward's degree in finance. It all seemed so … strange.

I accepted Alice's help that afternoon and I was glad to have her there to fill my empty house with chatter and laugher. When Jasper arrived, we were working on painting the master bedroom. We had finished the first coat of paint in the kitchen and breakfast nook and moved on while we waited for it to dry. Jasper painted the bathroom while Alice and I painted my bedroom.

We painted until there wasn't enough light left to work in, and Carlisle and Esme arrived with pizzas and a cooler filled with beer. We ate our supper out on the porch – enjoying the cool evening air and the sound of the crickets in the fields.

*.*.~.*.*

"Bella, Edward will be over to start installing the cabinets in the next few days. Emmett will be installing light fixtures and depending on how far he gets, he'll start on the ceiling fans. I'll be over to see how things are going, but if you need anything in the meantime, call me, okay, sweetheart?"

I nodded.

Was I finally going to meet Edward Cullen?

I'd spent a long day painting the rooms downstairs by myself and I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more than to go back to my hotel room and sleep for a solid eight hours. I had to go up to Denver for a few days, and I was completely dreading it. When I checked my phone after getting out of a long, hot bath, I noticed that I had a missed call and a voicemail. I hit the button to retrieve my mail and listened to the message.

" _Bella … I need you. I can't do this alone. Please call me."_

I sighed as I hit delete after listening to Paul's message. I knew what he wanted – he wanted me to comfort him. Who was going to bring me comfort? I had no one, and Paul mistakenly thought he still had me.

The anniversary was the reason that I was going to Denver. I didn't want to go because I knew how hard it would be, but I had to go. The next morning, I packed up all my things and checked out of the hotel. By the time I got back from Denver, the house would be ready for me to move into, even if I had to sleep on an air mattress. After taking everything I didn't need back to the house, I remembered that I needed to call Esme.

"Bella? Is everything okay, sweetheart? You sound tired."

"I'm okay, Esme. I'm calling to let you know that I'll be out of town for a few days. I have some things to take care of in Denver."

"All right, honey. If you need anything, give us a call, okay?"

"Thanks, Esme. I'll be in touch."

I thought about Esme's kind words as I drove toward Denver. Pushing send on my phone, I called Paul back.

"Hi, I got your message."

"Did you forget?"

"No, Paul, I didn't forget. I asked you not to call unless it was an emergency."

"It is an emergency, I need you, Bella."

"Don't say that, Paul."

"Why not?"

I sighed.

"Paul … things are different now. I'm different. I'm not the same tolerant, quiet girl I used to be."

"No. You're better. Come on, Bella. We were good once, we can be good again."

"No, we can't Paul. You loved the bottle more than you ever loved me and Jared. Look, I don't want to rehash this over the phone. I'll be in Denver in a few hours."

I pressed end and let my tears and memories overtake me. A series of moments ran through my mind – a beautiful little boy with dimples and a brilliant smile. He was running across the lawn at my parents' house while we sat in lawn chairs watching him. My dad smiled and scooped him up in his arms as Jared giggled with delight. He was the joy in our lives – all our lives. But not anymore.

* * *

 **A/N: Still no Edward, but we're getting closer, I promise! Thanks again for reading and for the lovely reviews – it's always good to see some familiar names and know that they are along for the ride.**


	6. Chapter 6

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-readers - twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971, and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

"How was your trip?" Esme asked as we walked around my house.

Edward had been over and began to install the cabinets while I was gone. He had only managed to get the cabinets in the bathrooms because there were some imperfections in the kitchen cabinets and apparently, Edward sent them back to the manufacturer.

"It was … draining. I mean, it was okay, but going to Denver isn't easy for me."

"I understand. That's a long drive."

But it wasn't the drive that was draining, in fact, it was the easy part of the trip. Clear open highway, nestled into beautiful scenery was something I loved. I often stopped to take photos along the way and I'd come home with a camera full of things I couldn't wait to play with.

"It is. Wow, Esme, Edward did a fantastic job on these cabinets."

Rich, warm cherry cabinets had been installed in the master bathroom. Emmett had even managed to get the countertops and sinks in during my absence. My spa getaway was complete and it looked fantastic.

"He's got an eye for detail, that's for sure. He must get that from me. He still has some trim to install, but he'll finish that up once all the cabinets are in. He sure wasn't happy about the kitchen cabinets being damaged. In fact, he was picking up the replacements this afternoon and I think he's planning on putting them in tomorrow. I also took the liberty of calling the store you ordered your furniture from and they are going to be delivering late this afternoon so that you have a bed to sleep on tonight."

"Thank you, Esme. You are a lifesaver. I never even thought about calling the furniture store to tell them when to deliver. I've had too much on my mind, I guess. You've stayed on top of what's going on in my house and … thank you."

"It's no problem, sweetheart. It's my pleasure."

Not fifteen minutes later, Emmett arrived with more fixtures and a truck bed full of countertops for the kitchen.

"Bella, would you mind if we set these countertops in the dining room?"

"Not at all, Emmett. Can I help you bring them in?"

"Absolutely not," Emmett chuckled. "Seth can help me bring them in. If you and mom could spread out the canvasses on the floor that would be a big help though. We don't want to scratch up your pretty floors."

Esme and I immediately went to work spreading out the canvasses I'd used on the floors while I was painting. Emmett had laughed when he first brought them in saying they were old school but much better than the plastic drop cloths they sold at Home Depot.

"Hey Bella, by chance did you pick up the hardware for the cabinets? Edward will want to put them on as soon as he gets the cabinets in tomorrow."

"No, I haven't had a chance to. I can pick them up this afternoon though, that's not a problem."

"Emmett, good heavens … give the girl a break. She's only been home for a couple hours."

"Oh yeah. I forgot that you took off for a few days. Where did you head off to?"

"I had to go to Denver to take care of some things."

"Ahh. Gotcha. Well, pick up that hardware when you get a chance. There isn't anything else for me to do here this afternoon. Eddie and I will get those cabinets up tomorrow and Seth will help me get the counters in and the cooktop installed. You should be ready to cook in there in a few days."

"Thanks, Emmett."

"Stop thanking me, Bells. You can thank me when it's completely done."

Later that evening, I looked around my room and took a deep breath. My new furniture had been delivered and looked great in my new master suite. The mattress on my bed looked so comfy and inviting. Thankfully, Emmett had hooked up my washer and dryer in the small mud room that Esme had designed as a surprise, and I was able to wash all my new linens and they were ready to put on my new bed. I didn't care about making it pretty that night. I only wanted it to be functional.

I crawled into my bed in my house for the first time. I was so tired, but I couldn't help but hear the sound of silence all around me. The sheer curtains flapped in the breeze blowing gently through the open window and I could hear the chirping of the crickets out in the fields. A quiet serenity surrounded me and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep for the first time in years.

I woke to the sound of laughter floating up the stairs, and I heard a velvety voice shush Emmett.

"Shut up, Em. If she's still asleep you'll wake her."

"Why are you so worried about me not waking her?"

"Let her rest Em. Mom said she looked exhausted when she came in from Denver yesterday."

"Don't you want to meet her?"

"Just drop it, will you, Em? I don't need everyone in the family trying to set me up with this woman."

"Yeah, well, maybe you do, Eddie. She's gorgeous and as sweet as can be. You need someone like that in your life."

I hated that I could hear their conversation when clearly they didn't want me to. I wondered why the Cullens thought that they needed to set Edward up. Better yet, I wondered why they wanted to set him up with me. I loved the Cullens dearly, but wasn't that mixing business with pleasure? I ducked into the bathroom and readied myself for the day, eager to get away from their conversation. When I finally made my way down the stairs, I could hear Esme chatting away with Alice in the front room. It sounded like they were hanging window treatments. I stopped on the landing between the foyer and the kitchen, finally deciding to see what Esme and Alice were really doing.

"Good morning." I greeted them.

"Morning, Bella!" Alice chirped from her perch on the step ladder.

"How's it going?"

"It's going great, sweetheart. How was your first night in your house?" Esme asked, giving me a soft hug.

"I don't think I've slept that good in a long, long time."

"You look better this morning, honey. Come on, Edward has some of the cabinets installed in the kitchen. They look fantastic."

I followed Esme into the kitchen and found a tall, muscular man with bronze hair holding up one of the upper cabinets while Emmett worked to fasten them to the wall.

"Morning, Bells!" Emmett crooned.

"Good morning, Emmett. How's it going?"

"It's going. How did you sleep?"

No sooner had Emmett asked the question than the man I assumed was Edward hit his head on the cabinet and let out a loud curse.

"Shit."

"Edward Anthony, you're in the presence of a lady," Esme scolded. "Sorry, Bella. My sons tend to forget their manners every now and again."

"Sorry, Mom," Edward said as he rubbed his head with gloved hands.

He turned and the first thing I noticed was his sparkling green eyes. They were bright and beautiful, but I could see sadness behind them.

"Edward, this is Bella Swan. Bella, this is my Son, Edward."

"Hi, Edward. It's nice to finally meet you," I said shyly, offering my hand to him.

"Err, umm … nice to meet you too, Bella," Edward said softly, backing away from me and turning away slightly.

Edward didn't take my hand when I offered it to him, and I found that a little odd. For the most part, people in town had been pretty friendly, offering a hand shake or a hug. Edward didn't seem to want either.

Esme looked at me sadly as if to say there was nothing either of us could do.

"Hey, Bells … there's coffee and donuts sitting on the bench in the mudroom. Seth brought them in about fifteen minutes ago."

Thank goodness for Emmett breaking the awkwardness and giving me a reason to leave the kitchen. I think Edward felt awkward and I didn't want him to feel that way. The best thing for me to do was leave the room. Sure, it was my house, but he was the one putting in my kitchen cabinets. I had to give it to them, they only had a few of the upper cabinets in, but it was already starting to look better. Esme excused herself, going back to the living room to help Alice while I went into the mud room and grabbed a cup of coffee and a pastry. I sat out on the porch checking my email while I enjoyed my breakfast and I thought about what I wanted to get done that day. I suppose that I could have started bringing in the boxes that I had stored in my garage. I could organize my closet and start to unpack some of my pictures and my books.

"Bella? Honey, could you come in side for a minute?" Esme asked sweetly.

"Sure, I'll be right there, Esme."

I threw away my trash and made my way inside the house. I crept through the kitchen as quickly as possible not wanting to bother Edward and Emmett who had moved onto another cabinet. Esme was standing in the middle of the empty living room.

I smiled at her, she looked deep in thought and I knew she was planning something.

"Do you have furniture for this room?"

"Umm … I have a piano in storage in Denver. I thought I would put that in here."

"Oh? Do you play?"

"No. Well, I tinker, but the piano belonged to my mother. She played for years and … my dad bought her the piano for their Twenty-Fifth wedding anniversary."

"How sweet. Do you know how big it is?"

"It's a baby grand. I don't know the exact measurements of it."

"That's okay. I bet Edward will have an idea."

"Have an idea about what?" Edward asked, peeking into the room.

"Bella said she has a baby grand piano she wants to put in this room but she doesn't know how big it is. I was just telling her that I bet you would have an idea as to how big it is."

"Oh. Sorry, Ma. Can't help you there."

"Edward … you mean to tell me that you don't know how big your piano at home is?"

"That's a grand piano, Ma. A baby grand is smaller, but I have no idea what the dimensions of it are."

I didn't even hear the rest of the conversation. I was so lost in memories of that piano that I had forgotten there were two other people in the room. I remembered my mother sitting at the piano playing Claire de Lune and as soon as Jared caught wind that his grandmother was playing, he flew into the room like a whirlwind, begging her to start the song over again. He'd climb up beside her and watch her as she played and it wasn't long before she taught him to play. My heart began to ache and I couldn't stand there any longer.

Whispering an apology to Esme and Edward, I ran through the house and out the back door.

* * *

 **A/N: So there's the elusive Edward for you. Don't worry, we'll find out what his story is soon enough. To clarify, Bella is divorced from her ex-husband Paul and there will be more as to what happened to Jared in chapters to come. As always, thank you for reading and for the lovely reviews. See you next week.**


	7. Chapter 7

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 **Note: I loved the reviews from last week - just let me say this ... don't judge Edward too quickly. There is a reason for everything ... I promise.**

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

Tears poured down my face as I ran out the back door and I was helpless to stop them. My heart was pumping so heavily that I never heard the footfalls behind me.

"Bella," Edward's velvet voice rang out. "Stop running … please."

"I can't," I sobbed.

"Yes, you can."

"It's too much. I'm sorry."

"What's too much?"

I hiccoughed and struggled to find kind enough words to tell him that it was none of his business.

"My family cares about you, Bella. You don't have to be sorry. My mom is worried about you. I think you scared the shit out of her back there. You ran out of the house like your ass was on fire. Something's wrong – that much is obvious. Please let us help you."

"I'm not ready to let anyone help me, Edward. If you don't mind, I don't care to share my shame and shortcomings quite yet."

"I'm not asking you to lay it all out for me, Bella. I'm asking you to stop running. You don't have to talk if you don't want to because quite frankly, maybe I'm not ready to hear something that could make my own shortcomings pale in comparison. Please know that you're not the only one who's flawed, Bella."

I snorted. I knew that all too well.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because I know that I'm not the only one who is flawed. But I can't seem to find a single flaw in you, Edward Cullen. You are such a perfectionist – there's just no way."

Edward shook his head in disagreement.

"Please stop, Bella," Edward asked softly. "You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm the most imperfect person you'll ever meet. And like you, I'm not ready to tell you why. But until I'm ready to talk about it, please don't force me up on that pedestal – I can't handle that kind of pressure."

I nodded.

"Then I get to ask the same of you."

"That's fine. But promise you won't run. Walk away if you need to, but please don't run Bella."

"I think we're done working for the day."

"If that's what you want."

"Yes, please."

My plea was soft and broken, but I think Edward heard me loud and clear. He smiled sadly before turning and heading back into the house. When he reached the porch steps, he turned to me.

"Bella … if you keep walking about 200 feet, you'll hit the creek. It's part of your property and there are some mature trees down that way if you want to sit and get a break from the house."

I didn't stick around to watch Edward, Alice, and Esme leave, but they were the gone by the time I came back from the creek. It was late afternoon when I walked back into the house. I locked the door behind me and made my way up the stairs, doing my best to avoid the living room and the unfinished cabinets in the kitchen. The whole point of moving was to create new memories, not relive old ones, but I couldn't seem to push them to the back of my mind. Angry at myself, I grabbed my purse and keys and rushed to my truck with only one destination in mind.

When I married Paul, I was young and had a preconceived notion about marriage. My parents had been happily married for years and it was evident in both of their eyes that they were as in love with each other as they day they married. I wanted that too. Paul and I were high school sweethearts and sure, we had our ups and downs, but neither of us thought that it was something we couldn't fix.

We couldn't fix addiction. Paul's love of alcohol was bigger than me and when I couldn't deal with it anymore, he couldn't understand why and started drinking more. When he got his second DUI, I was done. I was a young mother and I wanted more for my son than to have a father who was an alcoholic. I wanted a husband who was present in both of our lives and when my friend Kate assured me that I deserved more in my life, I filed for divorce.

By twenty-five, I was divorced and had full custody of my son, Jared. I had begun to build a new life for myself and my son. We rented an apartment not far from my parents and they would watch Jared for me when I worked on the weekends. Jared was the brightest light in my life. He was smart and kind, funny and sweet and he adored my parents. Paul's parents moved to Arizona a couple years after we graduated high school – right before Paul and I married, so Jared never really knew them.

Paul promised that he was trying to turn a corner in his life and he asked if he could be a part of Jared's life. I didn't want to take his son away from him completely, so I agreed that he could have supervised visitation with Jared. When I agreed to it, I never dreamed that it would change my life so completely.

I wiped tears from my eyes as I pulled into the cemetery the next morning. I had spent the night in a motel outside of Denver and wasted no time in getting to the cemetery. It had only been a couple days since I was last there, but the flowers had already started to wilt. I pulled the dying flowers out of the vase and set them aside as I replaced them with a bouquet of brightly colored daisies.

"Hi, Mama. I know it hasn't been that long since I was last here, but I didn't know where else to go."

I sat next to my mother's grave and talked to her for what seemed like hours – the way I used to when she was alive. I missed her more than words could ever express and it was true that I didn't know where else to go. I could have called Kate, but she was busy with her own life – a husband. toddler and a new baby on the way and I didn't want to burden her with my troubles.

"Bella?"

I turned to see Paul standing several feet away from me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I wiped away a tear.

"Jare's birthday is coming up and I have to go out of town for a while, so I came to say happy birthday."

"Oh."

One thing I seemed to push to the back of my mind was the fact that Jared's birthday was indeed a few days away. I tried not to think about how close together the anniversaries were. I didn't want to think about the fact that my baby boy should have been eight years old.

I felt like an asshole for trying to dismiss it.

"I don't want to interrupt you, but I have to get back to work. Are you going to be in town for a while?"

"Umm, I don't know. This trip was sort of … unplanned."

"Bella, is everything all right?"

"I'm not going to talk to you about it, Paul."

"Bella, I know I did wrong by you and our son, but I'm making an effort. I know that we'll never go back to how we were before, but I'm still the same person deep down that you fell in love with."

"There are no third chances, Paul. I'm trying like hell to move past this and move on with my life. I don't expect the hurt to fully go away, but I hope it will get better."

"I'm not asking for you to give me a third chance, Bella. I just want you to know that I'm here if you ever need to talk. What happened affected us both. I hate this for both of us, but I can't change it. If I could, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

I should have felt grateful that he would have changed things for me if he could, but I couldn't think past the fact that he went into rehab not long after the accident. He'd been sober ever since and I had to give it to him that he was trying harder than I had ever seen to make changes in his life. It hurt me that it took losing Jared for him to make those changes – having Jared and I wasn't enough.

"I appreciate that, Paul, but no. I'll work it out on my own."

He nodded and I walked away to give him a few minutes of privacy with our son. I needed him to leave so I could tell Jared everything that had gone through my head the night before on the drive to Denver. There was so much I wanted to say to him – things I needed to say for him and for me. It was time to let him go – it was the only way I'd ever be able to move on and I hoped with all my heart that he would understand.

* * *

 **A/N: So ... we know now that Paul had issues with alcohol - HOWEVER - don't be so quick to judge Paul. He did not do good by his family, but there is more to Jared's death than what you have read so far. Also ... I hope that you'll not be so quick to judge Edward either - there is a reason for his standoffishness and that too will come in time.**

 **Just a little note because there were several readers who commented about the house Bella bought - the house I described was in fact an actual house in Grand Junction, CO. It was owned by my Great-Great Grandmother, and it had the coal stove in the kitchen, the water pump out back and the outhouse to boot. It was nestled in the center of a cornfield, and when the oak tree collapsed the porch in the late 1980's, the county condemned it and forced my Great-Aunt to sell it. As far as I can tell, there is a new, more modern monstrosity that has been built on the land, but I'll never forget that house - it held a lot of history.**

 **Thanks for reading and for your support! See you next week! =)**


	8. Chapter 8

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this would be a hot mess!

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Eight

* * *

" _Hi, Bella. It's Esme. I stopped by the house this morning and you weren't there. I hope that everything is okay. Edward said he wasn't coming back to work on the cabinets until you give him the okay – I just wanted to let you know. Give me a call when you get a chance, sweetheart. Talk to you soon."_

Esme's voice made me want to call and tell her why I'd left so suddenly. She was slowly becoming a mother-like figure in my life. She was so sweet and giving of her time I couldn't help but love her. I was sure that if I had the nerve to tell her my reasons for leaving again without any explanation, she'd understand. I could see her listening without asking questions and that thought made me want to hop in my truck and drive back to Palisade just to unload my burden on her.

The truth of the matter was that I had a rough morning. After my run in with Paul, and subsequent one-sided conversation with my son, I was drained. I drove myself back to the little motel I stayed in the night before and rented the room for another night. I fell onto the bed and after my tears had run dry, I fell into a deep sleep. It was only when I heard my phone ring hours later, that I realized I'd missed several texts from Alice and a voicemail from Esme. I knew that she'd worry if I didn't call her back, so I took a deep breath and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Esme, it's Bella."

"Bella, sweetheart! How are you? I was starting to get worried about you because I hadn't heard from you."

"I'm okay. I'm sorry to have worried you. I decided to come up to Denver spontaneously yesterday afternoon. I needed to take care of some things and get something off my chest. Hopefully I've gotten that all taken care of, and I should be home sometime tomorrow morning."

"Oh good. I hope that we didn't run you off. Are you sure that everything is okay? I feel like I upset you somehow by talking about the piano you have in storage."

"No, please don't worry about that, Esme. It wasn't the piano itself, it was the memories it triggered. It was something that I hadn't quite come to terms with yet and I spent most of yesterday afternoon and last night thinking about it and coming to peace with it."

"Oh, sweet girl. You know if you ever need someone to lend an ear, all you have to do is ask. I don't ever want you to feel that you don't have someone to turn to if you need something, okay?"

"Thank you, Esme, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, honey. Now you do what you need to do and give me a call when you get home to let me know you're safe, okay? We'll pick up on the house whenever you're ready – you let us know, all right?"

"Okay."

"Bye, sweetie. Talk to you soon."

I called Esme about an hour after I got home. I stopped at my storage unit in Denver and grabbed a few things I wanted and came home to work on a photo album. I wanted to focus on something that came easily to me so I decided to work on my portfolio. If I had a current portfolio, it would be a start to building up my clientele. Rosalie could be my first customer. She'd asked to see some of my work in hopes that I could do some engagement photos of her and Emmett. I know that she wants to start planning their wedding and securing a photographer would be a step in the right direction.

I turned on some music and sang along to the songs I knew as I worked. Before I knew it the sun was setting, but I was nowhere near being done. Over the years I had taken hundreds of photos, and it was important to me to choose the ones that spoke to my heart the most for my portfolio. It was hard to file away the photos of my parents and Jared because I could remember everything about the moments in which those pictures were taken. Once I narrowed six huge stacks down to one, I started to separate the photos into categories – weddings, first days of school, graduations, animals, birthdays, anniversaries, portraits, and landscapes. I figured it would be easier to weed them out that way.

For the next few days, I worked on my portfolio. It was all I could do to keep my mind off other things and I wasn't quite ready to call Esme and tell her I was ready to start working on the house again. It was strange walking around in a house that wasn't finished. Half of the kitchen cabinets hadn't even been installed yet, and I had no countertops in. The sink, stove and counter tops were sitting in the dining room. My saving grace was a card table with a small microwave, an electric hot water pot, and my coffee maker. As long as I had my small makeshift kitchen, I was good to go. I could make a mean hot pocket in the microwave.

One afternoon I was sitting on the floor in the family room with my photos spread out around me when I heard a knock on the front door. I had to wonder who would come knocking on my door first -  
Esme or Alice. I hadn't really spoken to either of them since coming back from Denver. I sent both of them texts and we traded communications every now and then but it was never anything beyond a greeting and letting them know that I was okay and wanted some time to myself. Thankfully, both of them seemed to understand.

When I swung open the heavy oak door, Alice stood grinning on the other side.

"Hi, Bella."

"Hi, Alice. Come on in."

"I hope I'm not intruding, Bella, I know you wanted some space."

"No, that's okay. I was just working on my portfolio and I needed to take a break. The weather's changing on me and I was starting to get a bit chilly. Would you like some tea?"

"Sure."

Alice followed me into my makeshift kitchen and I caught her grimace as I turned toward her after flipping on the hot water pot.

"What's that look for?" I asked.

"There's still so much work to be done on this house."

"I know. We'll get to it."

"How are you doing, Bella? Are you really okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Alice. I had some things that I needed to sort through and now that I've got that taken care of, I can think again."

"Good. You seem like you're in better spirits, anyway."

"I am. I've got a clearer head and I'm almost ready to pick up where we left off."

"Good! Well, the reason that I came by is because … Jazz and I are going out tonight with Emmett and Rose and we wondered if you wanted to come with us? We don't get out that often but when we do we like to have fun."

"Where are you going?"

"There's a little place in Grand Junction called Midnight Rodeo. Emmett likes it because they have a mechanical bull, but Rose and I like it because they have line dancing on Saturday nights."

"Oh, I don't know, Alice. I'm more of a stay at home and curl up with a good book on a Saturday night kind of girl."

"Come on, Bella. It will do you good to get out for a little bit. Come have a couple beers with us and if you're not having fun, we'll bring you home – no harm done."

I couldn't remember the last time that I'd gone out on a Saturday night. When Paul and I were in high school, we'd go out every Friday and Saturday, but after we were married, I could count on one hand how many times we'd gone out socially with friends. Usually we'd stay home and our friends would flock to our house. Paul always liked to play host. I didn't care for playing maid when the party was over.

"I don't want to be a burden to anyone, Ali. I know Grand Junction isn't that far from here, but still."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I'm sure that you'll be having so much fun you won't want to come home."

Maybe Alice was right, maybe getting out and being in a new place was just what I needed – kind of like my move to Palisade.

"Okay, I'll go."

"Yay! We'll be by to pick you up around seven. Okay?"

I looked at the clock and realized that I had about three hours to get ready.

"Okay, sounds good."

"Yay! See you in a few hours."

Alice pranced out the door and left me in a spinning wake. She was like a whirlwind. I made my tea and went back to my piles of pictures and smiled to myself when I thought of Emmett sitting atop a mechanical bull. I wondered for a moment if Alice would frown upon me taking my camera with me on our night out and decided that it didn't matter. I'd tuck my small camera into my purse and see where the night took me.

I stood in front of the mirror in my closet wearing a pair of dark roper jeans, brown, broken-in Ariat boots, a lavender tank top and a white eyelet cap sleeve shirt. I'd taken the time to curl my normally straight hair and it hung in waves over my shoulders. I'd only put on a small amount of makeup. I wasn't attempting to impress anyone, I just wanted to look decent for a night out with my friends.

"Woohoo! Would you look at Miss Bella! Girl looks like she's ready for a night out on the town!" Emmett bellowed from the front seat of his truck.

"Stop it, Em! We want her to have fun tonight, so don't pick on her," Rosalie chastised.

"I'm not pickin' on her – she looks good. You look good, Bella."

"Thanks, Emmett," I laughed.

I climbed into the back of the truck with Alice and Rosalie and once we were all buckled in, Emmett took off down the dirt driveway.

"This place is pretty quiet for a Saturday night," I observed, looking around the bar.

"We like to get here early and reserve a table. The fun doesn't start until ten or so. We usually grab a bite to eat and bullshit for a while before it gets busy. It's easier to talk when it's quiet in here," Rosalie explained.

"They grill a mean sirloin here if you like steak, Bella." Jasper smiled.

"I love steak … my dad used to barbeque every weekend and he grilled the best steaks."

"What did your dad do?"

"He was a cattle rancher so we always had some type of red meat in the house," I chuckled. "He retired about eight years ago and sold the ranch for a pretty penny. He loved what he did but he decided that he was getting too old for it. Since I'm an only child and didn't want to take over the family business, he retired and he and my mom moved closer to me. After they moved, he took up fishing. We gave up beef for fish on the weekends," I laughed.

It felt good to talk about my dad in a positive light. I'd found sorrow in the subject of him before and for the first time, I felt like things were starting to get a little easier.

"Is your dad still in Denver?"

"Technically … yes. He died three years ago but he's buried there. So, he's … there."

"I'm sorry to hear that Bella. I didn't mean to upset you," Jasper said softly.

"No, Jasper, you didn't upset me. That's the first time in a long time that I've been able to talk about my Dad and not sob through the conversation. I miss him – everyday. It's been three years and it's finally starting to get easier."

Alice reached over and squeezed my hand, her eyes telling me that she too, was sorry to hear about my dad, and I appreciated the gesture.

"Hey, hey … asshole finally decided to join us!" Emmett hollered, his booming voice causing my head to turn.

Edward was standing at the end of the table looking very sheepish.

"You asked me to join you, asshole," Edward said, smacking Emmett's beefy arm.

"Hey, Rosalie, Alice," Edward said, kissing them both on the cheek before pulling out his chair.

"Hi, Bella, how are you?" Edward asked as he sat across from me.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm good."

Edward looked ruggedly handsome wearing dark wash jeans with an oatmeal colored turtleneck and a plaid long sleeve shirt over it that remained untucked. I noticed that he kept his right hand under the table and when the waitress came and brought our beers, he drank his beer awkwardly with his left hand. At one point, Alice looked over at him pointedly as she raised her brow.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Edward … you know exactly why I'm looking at you."

"Drop it, Alice."

"I think you're being stupid, Edward, but whatever."

"That's your opinion, Alice."

"You know what they say," Emmett piped in. "Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one!"

Everyone laughed at Emmett's statement, but Alice continued to glare at Edward. I was thankful that he joined us – it would keep me from feeling like the fifth wheel.

After perusing the menu, I followed Jasper's lead and ordered a sirloin steak, baked potato and spinach.

"They make everything fresh here – nothing is frozen, and their steaks will melt in your mouth," Jasper promised.

We chatted over drinks while we waited for our meals to arrive. I ordered a glass of Syrah and it was delicious. Rosalie complemented me on my choice of wine after taking a small sip and ordering a glass for herself.

"I don't usually order wine because I prefer Carlisle's wine and they don't serve it here. They should – but they don't."

"That's unfortunate. Does Carlisle not want them to or is it the restaurant that doesn't want to serve it?"

"It's neither – there are issues with the distributor."

"Rose," Edward growled. "That's enough."

"Oh, come on Edward lighten up. It's been a nice evening so far. Pull the stick out of your ass and try to enjoy the rest of it," Emmett snapped.

"Anyone up for a game of pool while we're waiting on supper?" Jasper asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Sure, Jazz, rack 'em up!" Rose grinned, standing from the table.

Emmett and Alice joined them at the pool table a few feet away from our table, leaving Edward and I sitting in awkward silence.

We sat that way for a few moments before Edward cleared his throat and spoke very softly.

"I'm sorry about that, Bella. Sometimes my family can be a bit tough to take."

"Don't apologize, Edward. At least you have a family."

Edward looked up at me wide eyed and his expression softened as he gazed over at me.

"My mom said that you went up to Denver for a couple days. Is everything okay?"

"Mmmhmm. Everything is fine … or it will be. I didn't mean to leave you all hanging. I just needed a little time."

"Do you have family in Denver?"

Yes would be the correct answer – I most definitely had family in Denver. I would always have family in Denver. They would never leave, but I wasn't sure I wanted to tell Edward that. Telling him yes meant that I'd have to explain – but so would telling him no. I was stuck in a situation where neither lying or telling the truth felt right, so I panicked and the only thing I could think of came whooshing out of my mouth.

"Do you want to dance? I love this song."

I don't even know what song was playing – it didn't matter as long as it ended Edward's line of questioning.

"Uhh … sure."

Edward stood from the table and like a gentleman, he helped me with my chair. I followed behind him numbly as he led me to the dance floor. We fumbled for a moment – as though we'd never done this before. When his hand was settled on my hip and mine was settled on his shoulder, he gently grasped his hand in mine and I felt his rough and twisted skin against my own. I gasped at the contrast in texture, but my eyes never left his face.

"Sorry … I know my hand is … rough. It's a long story …."

"No, it's fine, Edward. You don't have to apologize."

We swayed to the music, me with my eyes closed, letting Edward's scent wash over me. Under my hand, I felt the tenseness of his shoulders, and when I looked up to say something to him, his gaze nearly unhinged me.

"You look beautiful tonight, Bella."

"Thanks. You're pretty handsome yourself, Edward."

"Thanks … I think," He chuckled. "It's been a long time since I've danced with a woman."

Edward's admission surprised me. He didn't dance like it had been a long time. Once the initial awkwardness was over, Edward was actually very light on his feet, and the weight of his hand on my hip and my hand completely enveloped in his – felt nice. Edward's upper body still remained stiff – like he was struggling to relax and he couldn't.

"You're a good dancer. I apologize ahead of time if I step on your toes. Dancing isn't one of my favorite things," I admitted.

"If you don't like dancing then why did you ask?"

"The song …."

"I don't think it's the song. I think you're avoiding answering my questions. If you don't want to answer them, Bella, all you have to do is tell me that you don't want to answer. No hard feelings, okay?"

I nodded as the song ended and I let Edward lead me back to the table where our food had arrived.

After dinner, we sat and chatted and laughed while we let our food digest before the girls and I hit the dance floor again. I had to admit that line dancing with Rosalie and Alice was fun and I remembered how much I liked it the few times I had line danced when Paul and I first got married. It made me miss Kate. I made a mental note to call her in the next few days and let her know how I was doing.

We watched on as Emmett attempted to wrangle the mechanical bull – he got bucked off three times, but he wouldn't give up. Jasper was finally able to coax him into playing a game of pool with a couple of buddies, and as the girls and I walked back to our table, Edward gently grabbed my arm.

"Dance with me?"

The dance floor was full as the strains of Lady Antebellum's "Can't take my eyes off you" floated through the club.

"Edward …"

"Please, Bella?"

I sighed as I took his hand and let him lead me away.

Once we reached the far edge of the dance floor, Edward rested his hands on my hips as I placed my own on his shoulders. I closed my eyes as we swayed to the music. I let the sweet sound of the harmonica envelope me until I felt the rumble of Edward's chest – I opened my eyes and he was so close and singing along softly.

" _I just can't take my eyes off you …."_

* * *

 **A/N: So … more of Edward and Bella …** _ **together**_ **. Feeling a bit better about Edward now? I had a couple of people ask … will there be an Edward POV … the answer is yes, however, it won't be for several chapters.**

 **Thank you for reading and for all the lovely reviews – they are much appreciated even if I don't get around to replying to them. If I had more time, I would! See you next week!**


	9. Chapter 9

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

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Chapter Nine

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Images of a strong gnarled hand gently grasping my arm invaded my dreams for the next several days. Each time I woke up, I'd rub my head and wonder what happened to Edward to mar his once beautiful hand. I knew it hadn't always been that way because I'd seen the pictures in Esme's hallway.

I remembered how that same unsightly hand held me as we danced. Edward's grasp was never too tight – instead it was tender and almost reverent and I could feel the warmth of his hands through the thin fabrics that were separating our skin. Edward's velvety voice washed over me like a warm, summer rain and I found myself wishing that he'd sing to me again while holding me in his arms.

"Woohoo, Bro! You look good dancing with little Bella in your arms. Good to see you haven't lost your touch with the ladies."

The moment Emmett opened his mouth and shouted across the dance floor, Edward dropped his hold on me. He nervously ran his hand through his hair and cursed under his breath. Moments later, we returned to the table and Edward didn't say a word to me for the rest of the evening until I climbed into Emmett's truck.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Bella. Emmett can be an idiot sometimes."

Emmett being an idiot didn't explain why Edward was so skittish.

"It's all right. I don't have any siblings myself, but I'm pretty sure it's their job to embarrass you sometimes."

Edward chuckled and smiled wryly at me.

"I had a good time tonight, Bella."

"Me too," I whispered.

"Does that surprise you?"

"Yeah. I wasn't expecting …."

"Yeah, well like I said, this crowd can be a bit tough to take sometimes," Edward admitted, cutting me off. "Maybe we can do it again sometime."

"Yeah, tonight was … fun."

Edward nodded.

"You'll call me?" he asked. "You know … to work on the kitchen?"

"Oh yeah. Definitely."

"Cool."

"Cool. Thanks for the dance, Edward."

Edward smiled and shook his head as he backed away from the truck. He said something to Emmett that I couldn't hear and Emmett closed the door, shutting us in. Everyone was quiet on the ride home, and if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought they'd all fallen asleep.

When we arrived at my house, it took us all about ten minutes to say goodbye and I agreed to let Alice come back the next week with Esme and finish the window treatments. I hurried into the house before I could change my mind.

For the next few days, I put my portfolio on the backburner and got back to working on the house. I worked on emptying some more boxes and decided that it was time to talk to Emmett about going to Denver to empty out my storage unit. I mentioned it to Alice and Esme and they suggested that I have Edward finish up the kitchen so there was more room to unload things.

I took the cowardly way out – I asked Esme to call Edward. Even though we'd parted on good terms, things between us were stilted a bit and I wasn't sure why.

"So when do you think you want to go to Denver?" Emmett asked.

We had talked about going to get the rest of my things out of storage, but we'd never set a definite date.

"Edward's coming tomorrow to finish the kitchen … so maybe when he's done?"

"Yeah, he and I talked about that. We also talked about going to Denver. The kitchen should be finished in the next couple of days. Maybe we can go up to Denver this weekend?"

I nodded.

I was hoping to avoid emptying out my storage unit for several reasons – the biggest ones being the piano and the fact that finally emptying it made everything seem so final – an end to my life in Denver. The only thing I'd be leaving behind was my ex-husband and three gravestones.

Edward came by early the next morning – earlier than I thought he would, and I felt lazy when I opened the door for him. I was still wearing my flannel pajama bottoms and thermal shirt. Edward didn't seem to notice as the door swung open. He gave me a small smile and held out a cup of coffee.

"I brought a peace offering."

"A peace offering?" I asked confused. "I guess I wasn't aware you needed one."

"Okay …" Edward chuckled. "Keep it in mind for future infractions."

"I'll do that. Come on in, I'm sure you're anxious to get started."

Edward nodded and made his way into the kitchen. I stood in the doorway sipping my coffee as I watched him lay out his tools. Edward was nothing if not meticulous about his tools. He liked them a certain way and I could understand that – I felt the same way about my cameras and equipment.

"I'll be upstairs … unless there's anything that you need me for."

Edward turned and smiled at me once more.

"I'm all right. Emmett should be here soon."

I nodded and turned to ascend the stairs.

After a long, hot shower, I dressed and began to straighten up my bedroom. I had a few things to do – start the laundry and pay a couple bills and then I was planning on working on the guest bedroom. I carried a laundry basket down the stairs and I froze when I reached the landing. Edward was standing shirtless in the middle of my kitchen. He was breathtaking as he heaved a piece of granite onto the lower cabinets, his muscles rippling underneath his tanned skin. Edward listened to his iPod as he worked and I was sure that he hadn't heard me come down the stairs. He turned to pick something up from the floor and I gasped. Edward jerked toward me and I dropped the basket from my hands. I looked up in time to see Edward's scarred hand grab his t-shirt and pull it back over his head.

"I … I have to take a break," Edward stammered, reaching for his flannel shirt that hung on the hook by the door.

My eyes followed him as he damn near ran out the door. I couldn't believe what I had seen. What in the hell happened to Edward to mar his perfect skin so horribly? What I thought stopped at his hand, covered his entire right side from the top of his shoulder, down his arm and covered half of his chest from armpit to the bottom of his ribcage. Thick, angry scars covered that entire section of his body, and I knew he hadn't wanted for me to see them.

Edward didn't want me to see his pain.

Edward didn't want me to ask questions.

I slumped down onto the top stair of the landing and held my head in my hands. Tears streamed down my face and I understood exactly how he was feeling.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see Emmett kneeling in front of me. I quickly wiped the tears from my face, but he'd already seen them.

"Are you okay? Was Edward being a prick again?"

"No, no, Emmett. Edward's fine … well, he's not, but he wasn't being a prick. I came down the stairs and he didn't hear me. He was working on the counters with his shirt off and I saw …"

"His scars," Emmett whispered.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Fuck."

My thoughts exactly.

"Did you say anything to him?" Emmett asked.

"No … I didn't get the chance to. Not that I would have known what to say anyway."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. He took off out that door a few minutes ago."

"Maybe we should let him cool off a little bit and see if he comes back on his own. Edward's been sort of broody the last few years."

"When did that happen?" I asked, unable to stop the question from tumbling past my lips.

"About five years ago. Prior to … the scars … Edward would have been proud to prance around without his shirt on. We were rebels without a cause – my brother and I. We played sports and worked out because we knew it drew in the girls. We ate up the attention, but Edward rarely acted on it. He's always kind of been the shy, quiet type when he's not with me."

"I can see he hasn't changed much."

"He has actually. My brother's not the same man he was ten years ago. I know he's the same man somewhere deep down. He's gone through some shit in his life that even I don't understand, nor could I ever begin to. Edward's different with you. When we went to the club that night – I saw a glimpse of who he used to be and I realized how much I miss him."

"He's still here, Emmett. I don't know what happened to him, but I know that I don't want to hear it from anyone but him when and only when he's ready to tell me."

"Good luck with that Bella. That said … I think you've gone through some shit in your life too, so if anyone can sympathize with Edward, it's probably you."

"Are you saying that Edward and I can compare scars?" I laughed with no humor.

Could I admit to Emmett that while Edward had visible scars, mine were in my heart?

"If it gives you both something that you need, then yeah. Maybe you and Edward should compare scars."

"Why me?"

"Why not you, Bella? You don't know him and he doesn't know you. You guys can offer each other an unbiased opinion. Lord knows that Edward won't listen to anything my family has to say about it."

"What makes you think he'll listen to me?"

"I don't know that he will, but it's worth a shot."

I nodded.

"Let me go see if I can find him."

Emmett grinned and picked up my fallen laundry basket.

"I'll set this in the mud room and I'm sure I can find something to do while you guys are gone."

I pulled on my jacket and stepped out the back door.

* * *

 **A/N: *whistles*So … a little bit more about Edward and I'm sure that more than a few of you have your theories about what's going on with him. But now you know why he didn't offer to shake Bella's hand when he first met her – he's a little skittish and doesn't trust easily.**

 **I loved the response to last week's chapter ... so after this week, I hope you're still enjoying the ride ;)**

 **Thank you for all the lovely reviews. See you next week! =)**


	10. Chapter 10

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta darcysmom and my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Ten

* * *

I hadn't realized how cold it had gotten and I pulled my jacket around me as I walked briskly toward the river where I was sure was the place that Edward had escaped to. Sure enough, I found him sitting against a tree next to the riverbank – exactly the spot I'd escaped to myself after Esme asked about the piano.

"Edward?" I asked softly.

He raised his head and looked at me, his eyes red with tears.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Bella."

Edward's voice was so soft and frail, I had to strain to hear him.

I slowly approached him until I was close enough to touch him.

"Why do you keep apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for, Edward. You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that."

"No, I shouldn't have been so careless. I thought you'd be busy upstairs and I didn't want my shirt to get all dirty … I have some other things to take care of this afternoon. I have an appointment …."

"Edward … it's fine. Please stop apologizing and berating yourself. I don't mind, it just caught me by surprise – that's all."

"Don't you want to know why?"

I shook my head.

"Not unless you want to tell me. If you want to talk, I'll listen – anytime, Edward. But if you're not ready to talk to me about it, I won't push you. You've been so good about not pushing me to talk about my issues that I'd have no right to get on your case about yours."

Edward looked up at me with his sad, emerald eyes.

"Thank you, Bella."

"You're … you're welcome."

The longer I stood the more I shivered. Edward must have noticed because he jumped up from his spot against the tree.

"Jesus, Bella. You're freezing. Let's get you back in the house, shall we?"

I nodded and let him lead the way. Once we were back inside, I went straight to my makeshift kitchen to make a cup of tea, and once I'd started the water to boil, I went to build a fire in the fireplace. My fingers were so cold that I fumbled with the matches. Before I knew what was happening, Edward came up behind me and took the box from my numb hands.

"Bella … please be careful with these."

Edward's pleading eyes stopped me in my tracks.

Oh God.

"Fire," Edward whispered. "My scars are from fire."

I watched as Edward carefully struck the match and lit the kindling under the wood. His hands were shaking and as soon as the kindling caught, Edward dropped the match and backed away. His eyes apologized as he fled to the kitchen. I replaced the screen and went to tend to my tea. Six words – that's all that Edward admitted, but the weight they held was huge and so was the story behind it, I was sure. I heard the back door open and close and I heard Emmett's voice ask Edward if he was okay. Edward muttered and got back to work.

My kitchen was finished two days later. Edward and Emmett had managed to get all the cabinets and countertops in. My new stove and double ovens were installed, my new farmhouse sink was in, the faucet was installed and my new refrigerator had been delivered. Edward made good on his promise that it would be ready for the weekend. Emmett was still roaring to go pick up my things from storage, and I really didn't want to argue with him about it because he had been so kind as to arrange for everything. Rosalie and Alice had even gotten the day off to ride up in my truck with me to help, while the boys rode in the moving truck.

I was anxious from the moment I woke up. I was dreading emptying out the storage unit and I hoped with all my heart that it would be a little bit easier with my friends there. Once I picked up Rosalie and Alice from the Cullen's house, the drive was easy. As we passed Silverthorne, Alice squealed in delight at the sight of the Outlet Mall.

"We can't stop Alice, I don't know what you're getting so excited for," Rosalie quipped, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe we can stop on the way back … the boys are going to want to head straight home after getting the truck loaded. I'm sure they won't mind if we stop for a little bit."

"Alice … you know it's going to be a long day right?"

"I know, but it'll make us feel better to do a little bit of retail therapy."

"Shut the hell up with this retail therapy, Ali. You want to go to Coach – that's the real reason you want to stop."

Alice, looking properly chastised was quiet for the remainder of the drive.

When we pulled into the storage facility, I hopped out of my truck and unlocked the doors for Emmett, Jasper and Edward. They took a look around and decided how they wanted to go about loading the truck.

"There isn't too much here, just bulky stuff and the piano," Jasper said, looking at me.

"Looks can be deceiving. There's just the piano and the one bedroom set, but the bedroom set is solid wood and it's heavy. It belonged to my great-grandmother, so they're antiques. It's all I have left of her, so please be careful."

"We'll be careful with it, Darlin'," Jasper grinned.

"Hey, Bella … what's wrapped up in these moving blankets? They're heavy as hell."

"Those are the marble tops to the vanity and the dresser, Emmett."

"Okay … I say we load these up first because they can rest against the cab and won't shift if we put the bigger stuff up against it."

"However you want to do it."

Rosalie, Alice and I watched as the boys moved the big furniture pieces out of the storage room. When all the furniture was gone and only boxes were left, the girls and I went to work. It didn't take long to load up the fifteen or so boxes I had and when we were all done, there was still quite a bit of room left on the truck. Emmett was quite proud of his packing skills.

"I say it's time for lunch." Emmett grinned.

"I'm buying." I smiled back at him.

Over lunch we chatted about things going on in our lives. Emmett and Rosalie talked about the wedding and their new house which still wasn't finished. Jasper and Alice talked about wanting to move out of their small apartment and buy a house, and I listened quietly as Edward spoke about some projects that he was working on with Carlisle.

"Are you still working on your portfolio, Bella?" Rosalie asked.

"I am, but I'm nearly finished. I hadn't updated it in so long that I really wanted to put some thought into it and showcase some of what I think is my best work to date."

"Cool … do you think you'll have it ready soon? I'd really like to get some engagement portraits done. The holidays are coming and so is the snow. I think some outdoor pictures would be really great."

"They would. I have a friend who has a cabin in Vail. The scenery there is absolutely gorgeous. If you guys are open to the idea of traveling to have your portraits taken, I'm sure I could arrange to use the cabin."

"Are you serious? That would be awesome. But you know, Bella, Edward has a cabin in Aspen. Maybe I could sweet talk him into letting us use it."

"No, I didn't know that. After we get this stuff unloaded, I'll show you some of the pictures I've taken at my friends cabin so you can get an idea of what I'm talking about."

After I paid the bill for lunch, we made our way back toward my truck and the moving van. I took a deep breath before tugging on the door handle and climbed in.

"Bella … are you okay?" Alice asked softly, as she peered over the seat.

"Yeah … it's just … umm, do you guys mind if I make a quick stop before we leave town?"

"Sure, honey. Do whatever you gotta do."

"Do you think the guys will mind?"

"Nah … I'll call and let them know. We can catch up with them."

"I'm on it." Rosalie smiled.

We waved at the guys as we pulled out of the parking lot. I was relieved that the guys were going on ahead instead of following behind us. I needed to make a trip to the cemetery and it would be easier if I didn't have to explain it to the guys – especially Edward.

If Rose and Alice were wondering what we were doing when I pulled up in front of the cemetery, they didn't bother asking.

"I'll only be a few minutes."

"Do you need us to come with you? Because we don't mind coming if you want us to," Alice said softly as I climbed out of the truck.

"You don't have to do that, Alice. I'll be okay. I shouldn't be too long."

The sky was a little overcast as I climbed over the hill and settled between my parent's graves.

"Hey, Mama. Hi, Daddy. I don't have a lot of time but I wanted you to know that I won't be around much after today. I've finally moved everything out of the storage unit and I'm heading down to Palisade. I wish I could have stayed here to be close to y'all, but it's just too painful. I see you guys and Jared everywhere I turn and it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind. In Palisade, at least I feel like I can breathe. I love you both so much. Take care of Jared for me, okay?"

I sniffled and lingered a moment longer before getting up and heading toward the big weeping willow tree about fifty feet away.

"Hey, baby. I just wanted to come by and see you before I leave. I'm gonna be down in Palisade now, but I promise I'll still come to see you, but it won't be too often. I love you more than anything in the world, baby, but it hurts me too much to stay here. Daddy will be around though. God, do I miss you," I sniffled. "Love you to the moon and back, Pal."

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall.

"Bella?"

"Sorry, I just need a minute, Alice."

"That's okay, hon. I wanted to make sure you were okay. You didn't have to come out here alone."

"I'm all right. It's … it's just that it's harder than I thought it would be … considering …."

Alice wrapped her arms around me from behind and squeezed me to her.

"You're so strong, Bella," she whispered.

"Am I?"

"Yes. More than you realize. I don't know what happened that caused you to lose people you loved in your life, but I do know that it takes an extraordinary amount of strength to move to a new town and make a life for yourself in the wake of losing your family."

"I wish I believed that, Alice. It's taken me almost two years to gather up the courage to move. One day I woke up and got in the truck and I ended up in Palisade. I drove around for the longest time, and I came across the Java Stop, and that's where I met Rose."

I stood up and looked at Alice sadly before turning back to Jared's headstone.

"Bye, baby. Love you."

"Come on, Alice. I'll tell you the rest of the story in the truck."

* * *

 **A/N: I apologize for posting this to you a day late. RL has been a bitch the last couple of days and posting completely slipped my mind.**

 **So … a little bit more about Bella and a teensy bit more about Edward. A few of you guessed what happened to him and you were spot on. However … no one has been correct so far as to how it happened – I think you will be surprised.**

 **I will do my best to be on time in posting next week. Thank you for all the lovely reviews – I read and appreciate each and every one of them. See you next week.**


	11. Chapter 11

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta darcysmom and my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Eleven

* * *

"Ms. Cope hadn't even put the house back on the market yet when I met Bella, but I had a feeling that she'd be listing it again soon because I'd spoken with her earlier in the week. So then I met Bella while I was out getting coffee, and I knew that if she liked the Cope place, that Ms. Cope would love Bella," Rosalie chuckled.

"Oh my goodness! She's such a picky woman! I don't know how many times Mom asked if she could look at the place – just to see the inside. Old Lady Cope knew that mom was an interior designer and wouldn't budge. Old bat."

"Alice!" I said, smacking her on the arm. "Be nice. She just wanted to know that her house was going to be cared for and not knocked down by a wrecking ball. I can't say that I blame her, but if she knew what I've done to the house she'd probably croak."

"Bella … don't you dare feel guilty about your house. You made some necessary changes – you didn't take anything away from the original feel of the house – you just made it better."

"I don't feel guilty. I love how the house is coming along. I know I still have a few things left to do, but overall, Emmett, Edward and the guys have done a great job. It's starting to feel like … home."

"That's what we're aiming for isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it is."

I'd told the girls my story on the ride home from Denver to Palisade. At one point, I'd pulled over because I couldn't stop my tears and the girls both pulled me into their arms and promised that while the void I felt from the loss of my parents and son would never be filled, it would hurt a little less each day.

"We'll be your family, Bella. My parents adore you, and so does Emmett," Alice assured me.

I noticed that she left Edward's feelings out.

"You're not alone, Bella. All you have to do is call one of us and we'll be there," Rose promised with a hug.

"Thanks. I appreciate you guys so much. I feel like you've taken me under your wing and gone above and beyond what you'd do for anyone else. I know that I'll never be able to repay you."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. That's what we're here for."

At one point, we caught up with the guys but it wasn't far from Palisade, and Emmett called to razz us about helping them to "kick it on home".

Evening was settling in and the air was much colder than it had been.

"Feels like snow." Jasper smiled crookedly as he climbed out of the truck.

"We should get this truck unloaded tonight in case it snows," Edward said quietly.

"I thought we agreed we could leave it until tomorrow?" Emmett asked.

"That's before we checked the weather, Em. We don't want to unload the truck in the snow. I'm sure Bella wouldn't appreciate us stomping through her house with mud and snow on our boots."

"Guys," I interrupted. "If you don't want to unload tonight, you certainly don't have to. You've worked and drove all day. I'm sure you're tired and it's getting late. I understand if you want to go home and relax. My stuff can wait."

"Nah … we'll get it done. There really isn't that much stuff, Bella. But maybe we can just bring it all in the house for tonight and we'll come back over tomorrow and arrange it in whatever rooms you want it in tomorrow?"

"Sure … I just don't want you to feel like you have to do it."

Twenty minutes later, I watched as the guys loaded up a dolly and hauled several boxes into my living room. They stacked the boxes up in front of the bay window and loaded all the furniture in between the boxes and the fireplace. The last thing they brought in was the piano.

Emmett and Jasper helped to steady the piano while Edward worked to stabilize the legs.

"That ought to do it," Edward said quietly, wiping his forehead.

"Thank you, Edward. I owe you guys."

"No, you don't owe us anything, Bella. We're more than happy to help you out."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

As many times as I had heard one of the Cullens tell me that they were more than happy to help me out, I still had trouble believing that I was worthy of their kindness. The holidays were fast approaching and Esme had already asked me on more than one occasion what my plans for Thanksgiving were.

I thanked them all again for all their hard work and watched as they climbed into the moving truck and rumbled down the drive. I turned back to my living room with my belongings stacked haphazardly and my eyes wandered to the piano. It was just as beautiful as I remembered, and I couldn't help but feel drawn to it. I approached it warily and ran my finger along the smooth, shiny wood that covered and protected the beautiful ivory keys. Lifting the lid, carefully I continued to caress the smooth keys, and I closed my eyes, remembering how I loved to sit and watch my mother's hands move smoothly across the ivories. My mother had many hobbies over the years, but her talent for the piano was the one hobby that remained constant.

"I miss you, Mom," I whispered.

Shaking my head of the memories, I quickly turned out the light and made my way up the stairs.

The next morning, Emmett and Edward came bearing coffee and Esme's homemade cinnamon rolls.

"Do you guys ever rest?" I asked, laughing.

"Yeah, we take two weeks at the end of the year."

"That's not what I meant, Emmett and you know it. You guys could have relaxed this morning and come over later this afternoon. I'm not in any rush to get this furniture moved."

"Relax? Not a chance! We've already been out to make sure that our construction projects won't be affected by the storm that's coming in this afternoon. I hope that you have plenty of firewood inside because it's supposed to be pretty bad, and I know for a fact that the power tends to go out on this side of town. It might not be a bad thing for you to invest in a generator, Bella."

"Oh … umm, I really hadn't given that any thought. I guess I should bring in some wood then, because I think I've used everything I had stored inside."

"No worries. We'll bring some in before we leave. You worry about directing traffic and telling us where all this stuff goes."

Before I knew it, the guys had carried all the furniture into the appropriate rooms and the last of the boxes had been carried upstairs.

"Do you want the piano closer to the window?" Edward asked softly.

"Umm … sure. I guess it would be better if it wasn't so close to the fireplace and obstructing traffic."

Edward nodded.

"I know someone who can tune it for you … if you like."

I honestly hadn't given it any thought, but I supposed that it would be out of tune seeing as it had been in storage for nearly two years.

"Yeah, that would be great, Edward, thanks."

"Anytime. Anyway, Em and I better get going. We have some things to do up at the house before the storm comes in. You be careful, Bella. Give us a call if you need anything."

"I think I'll be okay. I'll button down the hatches and hunker down until the storm passes."

Edward nodded and let himself out. I stood watching out the window for the longest time after he left. The look in his eyes as he told me to be careful was unnerving and I couldn't explain why. Dark clouds rolled in and I could feel the chill in the air. Turning to the fireplace in the family room I remembered Edward's words to be careful with fire.

* * *

 **A/N: A little bit of an early update for you – it's my kiddo's birthday and we are off to Disneyland. I really didn't want to chance forgetting like last week. =)**

 **Not really a lot happened in this chapter, but Bella and Edward certainly have a lot to think about.**

 **Thank you all for reading and for the lovely reviews. See you next week.**


	12. Chapter 12

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers Twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twelve

* * *

Thanksgiving came much quicker than I would have liked. Since the accident, I dreaded the holidays because all the important people in my life were gone, and now that I've moved – I've never felt so alone.

Esme and Alice both begged me to share in the holiday with them, but I couldn't help but feel like I was intruding. While I was thankful for the Cullens and everything they've done for me, I didn't feel like celebrating.

With the Macy's Parade on in the background, I prepared green bean casserole and a caramel apple cheesecake because they were Dad and Jared's favorites. I'd just pulled the cheesecake out of the oven when I heard a knock at the door. Figuring it was Esme or Alice I hollered.

"Come on in!"

"Bella?"

I'd know that voice anywhere.

"In the kitchen, Edward!"

What was he doing here?

"I came down in case you needed help. My mom said you were making some dishes for dinner."

"You didn't have to do that, Edward. I can manage fine."

"Be that as it may, I'm still here to help."

"Oh," I said, looking down at my attire.

I'd showered after getting up, but I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to cook in. I wasn't even close to being ready to go.

"I'm … uhh … not ready to go. I need to get dressed."

Edward smiled.

"Take your time. I don't mind waiting."

"Are you sure? I'll only be a few minutes."

"It's fine, Bella. Just go."

I hurried up the stairs and into my bedroom. I started by putting on some light make up and fixing my hair before stepping into my closet to choose something to wear. I didn't want to keep Edward waiting too long, but I couldn't make up my mind. A quick look at my watch told me that nearly twenty minutes had passed since I left him in my living room. I chose a wine colored lace dress that I'd worn to my friend Kate's wedding, and after slipping it on, I quickly grabbed the shoes I'd bought to go with it. After a quick look in the mirror and fluffing my hair a bit, I headed down the stairs.

"Edward?"

I stopped in my tracks when I found him standing by the piano with a picture of Jared in his hand.

"Who is this little boy?" Edward asked without turning toward me.

I sighed.

"That's Jared. He's … he's my son."

"Why isn't he here with you?"

I crossed the room to stand at his side. I took the frame gently from his hand and set it back in its place.

"Can we not talk about that today?" I asked softly.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Bella. I just wanted to know."

"I know, Edward. I'm not upset. I just don't want to talk about it today."

Edward nodded.

"Hey …" Edward said, catching my hand as I walked toward the kitchen. "You look beautiful."

"Really?"

"Really. You're stunning."

"Thanks." I blushed

It had been so long since I'd heard such a sincere compliment from someone I wasn't related to that it threw me for a loop.

Edward carried the cheesecake out to his truck while I pulled the casserole out of the warmer.

I turned to see Edward standing in the doorway.

"Let me take that so you don't accidentally spill it on your dress."

"I can carry it."

"Why does everything have to be an argument with you?" Edward chuckled.

"It's not."

"Okay. Get your coat and I'll meet you outside."

I grabbed my coat, purse and keys and after locking up the front door, I went out the back door to climb into my truck.

"Don't you want to ride up with me?" Edward asked, coming up behind me.

I hadn't really given it much thought.

"If you ride up with me, you won't have to worry about how much wine you drink. I don't drink so I don't mind driving you there and back home again."

"I don't drink much either, but wine does sound good."

"Dad always brings out the good stuff on the holidays too, so I wouldn't want you to miss out."

Edward offered me his arm and I let him guide me to his truck.

The ride to his parent's house was quiet. It was only a ten minute ride, but we didn't feel the need to fill the silence with idle conversation. Once we got to the Cullen's, Alice would surely chat enough for the both of us.

When Edward pulled up in front of his parent's house, he asked me to stay put and came around to open my door. We each carried a dish into the house where both Carlisle and Esme eagerly greeted us.

"Bella, we're so happy you decided to come." Esme smiled.

"Thank you for inviting me. I wasn't looking forward to spending the day alone."

"Oh honey," Esme pulled me into her embrace. "You've got all of us now so you never have to be alone."

Esme's words to me were merely a whisper and I could only nod to acknowledge that I'd heard them.

"Do you want to come help me in the kitchen, Bella?"

I nodded again and lamely let Esme lead me into the kitchen as Edward and Carlisle headed into the living room.

"You look like you need something to do – something to keep you busy – to take your mind off things. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Esme, I promise. Holidays are … hard."

"Want to talk about it?"

I looked around to see where everyone was. When I didn't hear anyone I looked over at Esme cautiously.

"Give me a minute, sweetie. I'll be right back.

Esme left me standing in the kitchen for only a few moments before she came busting back in.

"They won't bother us, sweetheart. You don't need to worry about being overheard."

"Thank you, Esme."

"My pleasure, sweetheart. Now tell, me … what's bothering you? You're far too young to carry such a heavy emotional load on your shoulders and such sadness in your beautiful eyes."

As Esme and I cooked, I told her everything; everything that I had shared with the girls about my parents, Paul, Jared and then some. When I got to a particularly difficult part of my story, I'd stop and try to compose myself and Esme would pull me into her arms and whisper soothing words. I was grateful for her actions because they reminded me of my mom and how she would do the same thing when I was hurting. When I finished about forty-five minutes later, I was exhausted.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's take you upstairs and you can clean up a little bit. You can even lay down and rest for a bit if you'd like."

"Thank you, Esme … for listening when you didn't have to."

"You don't need to thank me, honey. I'm here anytime you need to talk. I know that wasn't easy for you and I appreciate you sharing that with me. I think you are a brave, strong and beautiful woman. You deserve far more credit than you think you do."

"Thank you."

"You know, Bella. I don't want to say too much, but I almost lost one of my boys. He was in a toxic relationship that nearly killed him. I know it's not the same as losing your son, but I think the feelings certainly relate."

I nodded.

"They do," I whispered. "Hold on to them, Esme. Love them – everyone in your family, because you never know."

"No, sweetheart. You never know."

Esme wiped my tears away and hugged me again, leaving a motherly kiss on my forehead. I needed that talk with her in the kitchen. It wasn't easy, but I needed to get it all off my chest and I felt a lot better once I composed myself. I did however, take Esme up on her offer of a nap. I settled in on her massive king size bed and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

I don't know how long I'd been out, but I was woken by a handsome man with piercing green eyes and rough, warm hands.

"Bella … dinner is nearly ready. Did you have a nice nap?"

I sat up and noticed that someone at some point had come in and covered me up. I was warm and comfortable in the middle of Esme's bed. But after such a restful nap, I felt a little disoriented and it took me a moment to remember where I was.

"Edward … umm, yeah. It was a really nice nap. I actually feel rested."

"Good. Mom said you were exhausted. I hope you don't mind, I came in to check on you and it was a bit chilly in here so I covered you up. I didn't want you to get cold."

"You did that for me?"

Edward nodded.

"Why?"

"I care about you, Bella. I know that I don't know you that well, but I'd like to change that. The night we all went out was fun. I think about that night a lot."

"Me too," I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I liked dancing with you."

Edward's grin in return was blinding and told me that he liked it as much as I did.

"Maybe we can do it again sometime soon."

I began to fidget with the corner of the blanket, suddenly worried that I must look a mess from my impromptu nap.

"I should probably clean up a little so I can go back downstairs."

"You still look beautiful."

My blush was back with a vengeance.

"How is it that you hardly know me, yet you're so sweet to me?"

It was Edward's turn to blush.

"You seem like you need someone to be sweet to you."

His voice was soft and again his words seemed so sincere. Edward nervously rubbed the back of his neck, but his nervousness was unwarranted.

"I'll uhh … go downstairs and let mom know that you'll be down soon."

I nodded and looked back at him with a small smile.

"Thanks."

Carlisle was carrying the turkey to the table when I entered the dining room. Edward immediately stood and pulled out the chair next to him – the only unoccupied chair at the table.

"I hope this is okay," Edward whispered.

"It's fine. Everything looks wonderful, Esme."

"You helped, sweetheart. I only made sure it all got out of the oven."

Carlisle smiled and asked everyone to join hands for the blessing and when we were done, we went around the table saying what we were thankful for.

"I'm thankful for all of you and everything you've done for me. I don't think I could have survived on my own without all of your words, encouragement, support and hard work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

Esme rounded the table and embraced me sweetly and Rose and Alice quickly followed behind her. Once they'd taken their places at the table once again and Carlisle began to carve the turkey, Edward reached under the table and took my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Dinner was filled with lively conversation and lots of laughter and I couldn't remember when I'd ever had a family dinner like that. It felt good to be a part of it and the Cullen's welcomed me in as if I were one of their own. Edward was right, Carlisle had saved his best wine for the family dinner and it was delicious. When we were through with our meal, we carried the remaining wine into the family room where we sat around a blazing fire and laughed and chatted some more. Several times throughout the afternoon and evening, I caught Edward gazing at me. When our eyes met, he'd smile shyly before averting his gaze.

It was late in the evening when I decided that I should head home. I'd had four glasses of wine and all the excitement was catching up with me. I'd begun to yawn and probably around the fourth time it happened, Edward announced that it was probably time for him to get me home. I hugged everyone and bid them goodnight after promising Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Edward that we could head to Midnight Rodeo again the following night.

Edward had thought ahead and warmed up the cab of his truck for me. Realizing how cold it was, a dress was probably not the most reasonable choice of attire, but I had to admit that I liked the way that Edward looked at me in it. After helping me in, Edward rounded the hood and climbed in himself. As we pulled out of the Cullen's driveway, I pulled my coat tighter around me and yawned once more.

"You're so tired."

"Mmmhmm. But that's okay. Today was a nice day."

"It was a nice day. You seemed like you felt better after you chatted with Mom and took a nap."

"Mmm … I did. Your mom is the best. I needed that with her today."

"She adores you, Bella. Everyone in my family does. We'd do anything for you – you should know that."

"You would?"

"I would what?"

"Do anything for me?"

"Yes," Edward breathed. "All you have to do is ask, Bella."

"Tell me how you got those scars …."

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry if you missed out on E &B getting snowed in together ... the story just didn't come together that way. It's amazing what a little liquid courage will do … now that Bella has a little of it in her, she's asking for more info … but will she get it?**

 **For those of you wondering how long this story is going to be ... I'm working on chapter 29 right now and I'm thinking there may be 5 or 6 more after that ... so maybe 36 chapters at the most? We'll see how it goes. And to those of you who would love for me to post more than once a week ... I'm sorry ... I write faster than my betas and pre-readers can get through my chapters and get them back to me, and I totally get that RL gets in the way sometimes. I'm doing my best to get this finished before school starts (for me) next week.**

 **A big hug to my friend LostinFF for rec'ing this story ... thank ya thank ya!**

 **Is anyone reading The Fall by MissWinkles? She updated last night and OMG - I just want to hug the crap out of her Edward ... all the feels ... ugh my heart. It's a WIP, but she's usually good about updating every week and it's oh so good!**

 **Thanks for reading and all the lovely reviews. See you next week.**


	13. Chapter 13

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers - twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

"I can't … I'm not ready …" Edward trailed off. "I'm sorry Bella. Why is it the one thing you ask, I can't give you?"

Edward's voice sounded pained as my brain tried to wrap around the fact that I'd mentioned his scars. Even after seeing them I hadn't mentioned them, so why was it after a few glasses of wine that my verbal filter went out the window? I did the one thing I never wanted to do – bring up the subject of his scars. Maybe it was the fact that I saw Edward's pictures in the hallway of Esme's house again – the ones where he was smiling brilliantly and there was no signs of the scars that marred his tanned skin.

I felt like a shit.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I …."

"Please don't, Bella. I don't want you to feel sorry for me or to feel sorry that you asked. I should have known that you'd ask eventually. Everybody does."

It took me a moment to realize that we had pulled up in front of my house.

"I should get you inside. It'll be cold tonight. I hope you left the heat up."

Edward stepped out the truck and came around to help me out of the passenger side. He walked me up to the front door and stood protectively to the side to block the wind. Once I'd unlocked the door and begun to push it open, I started to invite Edward inside, but he abruptly cut me off, saying that he should get going.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Night, Edward."

There was no mention of seeing him tomorrow. The mere thought of not seeing him the following night made my heart ache.

"So … we'll pick you up around seven again?"

"Sure, Alice. Sounds good. Hey … have you talked to Edward today?"

"No, I sure haven't, honey. I've been at work since four this morning and Jazzy's been on shift since midnight covering for his buddy."

"Oh …. Is Jazz not coming with us tonight?"

"Sadly no. But that's okay. It works out better because he was supposed to be at work early tomorrow anyway. This way, he'll get off at midnight and go home to sleep a few hours before he has to head back in to work."

Jasper was a firefighter and usually worked 24 hour shifts, but when he took on his friend's shift, it made for some crazy hours.

Thinking my friend needed a little pick-me-up since she still had a few hours left of her shift, I headed down to Java Stop to get Alice a latte. I made it to the front of the line when I heard a familiar voice behind me. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward chatting with one of the waitresses clearing the tables.

"Out shopping today, Edward?" I heard the girl ask him.

"No. I've been getting ready to head out of town for a few days."

A gasp escaped from my lips and I turned quickly to grab the coffees I'd ordered. As soon as the cups were in my hands, I fled from the coffee shop, not wanting to overhear anymore.

"Bella!" I heard from behind me.

I kept walking.

"Bella!"

Edward's voice kept getting closer and closer.

"Bella, stop, please."

I turned to see Edward, his chest heaving and looking a little out of breath.

"Where are you so … determined to run off to?"

"I could ask you the same question, Edward. Were you going to tell me that you're planning on leaving or were you going to leave your dirty work to your family?"

"No. Bella … no. I guess I didn't think about it because I leave every year at the same time. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I wouldn't dream of standing you all up tonight. Alice probably didn't mention it because she didn't think it was her place to. I got so caught up in my own shit that I didn't think twice that you didn't know, Bella. I'm sorry."

"So you're not leaving because of last night?"

Edward sighed.

"Yes and … no. My leaving has nothing to do with you, Bella. Please believe that. I like you a lot, and I care for you. I'd be lying if I said that you asking about my … scars," he swallowed heavily, "didn't dreg up things I'm not ready to talk about, but you have to know that it's nothing to do with you specifically, beautiful girl."

As he spoke, Edward moved closer and closer toward me. His voice grew softer and softer the closer he came. His last words were but a whisper on his lips, but it was the look in his eyes that did me in. They were vibrant, clear and completely focused on me. I carefully tucked one of the coffees into my elbow and reached out to cup his handsome face, my thumb gently caressing the stubble that was absent the day before. He'd never been more handsome to me than in that moment. He looked at me like I'd disappear if he breathed – like a dandelion, the fuzz scattering in the wind. Edward leaned into my touch, closing his eyes at the contact.

I hated that I couldn't see his eyes anymore, it felt as though he were closing himself off to me again.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Bella …" Edward breathed. "Tell me you care for me enough to want me to stay."

The hurt and longing in his voice nearly knocked me off my feet. Having this particular conversation on the sidewalk in the middle of town wasn't exactly the ideal spot for it to take place, but I had to take what I could get from him and if he wanted me to declare in front of God and everyone that I had feelings for him at all, it's the least that I could do after my verbal vomit the previous night.

"Oh, Edward …"

"Please," he begged.

"I have no right to ask you to stay, Edward."

No sooner were the words out of my mouth than Edward began to pull away from me.

"Edward … you didn't let me finish, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't understand that you need to get away for whatever reason, especially when I've done the same thing."

"So you understand but you still don't want me to stay?"

Edward's voice was full of hurt, but I didn't think that asking him to stay would change things. If he needed to go to get away and gather the courage to tell me about his scars or even to merely clear his head – maybe it was for the best.

"Edward … I could beg you to stay, but my feelings wouldn't negate the fact that you need to go."

"If you ask me to stay, I will, Bella."

"I can't ask you to stay, Edward. I may not fully understand why you need to go, but I know why I needed to go when I had to get away. If your reasons are anything like mine, you need to go and make peace with yourself and whatever else is weighing on your mind. I'll be here when you get back."

"You will?"

"Absolutely." I nodded. "I want you to come back, Edward."

"Come with me," he whispered.

"Edward … I can't do that. You need some time for you. If you want me to come in a few days to visit, I will. All you have to do is call. I should … get going. I got coffee for Alice."

"Oh! God, sorry, Bella."

"It's okay – it's a lot, but it's okay."

"Can we talk later?"

"Absolutely."

I reached up on tip-toes and gently placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Can I pick you up tonight?"

"Of course." I smiled.

"Good. See you at seven, beautiful."

Reluctant to let him go, I said goodbye and walked to my truck as Edward headed in the opposite direction. My mind was still reeling from the strange conversation with Edward but I headed to see Alice anyway, knowing that she could brighten my mood even if it was only temporary.

"Bella! Oh my God! You brought me a latte, I love you!"

"Well, I thought you might need it."

"Ugh! I do. It's been a crazy, busy day."

"Are you sure you're up to going out tonight?"

"Definitely! I wouldn't miss it for the world. I need a night out. Besides, I'm off tomorrow. I can sleep in and have a lazy day while Jazzy's at work."

"I feel bad that he can't make it."

"Don't feel bad, Bella. It happens. Next time we'll plan it so he can go."

I nodded.

"Hey, I ran into Edward while I was getting your coffee. I guess he's getting ready to take off for a few days?"

"Yeah, he goes to his cabin in Aspen for a week. Edward goes every year after Thanksgiving. It gives him a chance to check on his place and just … get away."

I wanted to ask Alice what Edward needed to get away from, but I thought it would be better to get the answer from Edward himself.

"I gotta get back to work, but thanks for the coffee. You're a lifesaver!"

I hugged Alice quickly and laughed as she skipped off, her coffee in hand.

Later that evening, I was ready to go well before seven. After leaving Alice, I went home and pulled out all my Christmas decorations. I'd have to go buy a tree, but that was okay – choosing a tree was one of my favorite things about Christmas. I was finishing putting some evergreen on the mantle when Edward knocked on the door.

"Hey." Edward smiled.

"Hey. Come on in. I'm ready. I just need to grab my coat."

I turned to the coat closet beneath the stairs and pulled out my coat and scarf. As I wrapped my scarf around myself, I looked over to see Edward looking at the photos on the piano. I'd changed some of them since he'd been here last, and I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

"You need a tree in here," he said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm. It would look great in front of that window."

"Maybe … but I was planning on putting the tree in the family room. I spend more time in there than I do in here."

"You could have two, ya know."

"We'll see. Ready?"

We locked up and headed to meet Alice, Emmett and Rosalie. They were already seated by the time we arrived, so we took our seats across from each other. We ordered quickly and launched into a lively conversation.

After dinner, Rose and Emmett excused themselves to start a round of pool, and Alice was deep in conversation with one of her regular customers.

"Do you want to dance?"

Edward's voice floated across the table and I looked up and smiled at him. A quick nod in his direction and he was out of his seat and offering me his hand. It didn't escape my attention that he offered me his left hand instead of his right. We stepped onto the dance floor and Edward pulled me into his arms. We were so close I could feel his breath on my face. With every exhale of Edward's breath and inhale of mine, I was falling hard and harder for him – even if I didn't mean to.

We stayed on the dance floor for several songs before going back to the table. The entire time, his hands never left me and I realized as we swayed, how well we fit together.

Edward was so sweet and charming – how had I not seen that before?

"Edward is so different tonight." Rosalie smiled, nodding over to where Edward was standing with Emmett.

"Is he?" I asked.

"Yes. That … Bella, is my brother Edward from five years ago. He's sweet and gentlemanly and completely charming. I've missed him. I don't know what you did to bring him back, but thank you."

"I didn't do anything," I argued.

"That you know of," Rosalie laughed.

More than ever, I wanted to know what happened to make Edward so broody and closed off.

"That was fun," Edward said quietly as we drove home.

"It was. You were in a particularly good mood tonight. Even Rose and Alice noticed."

"Hmm … maybe it had something to do with the beautiful girl I was dancing with."

I shook my head.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Something Alice said."

"What did Alice say?"

"That you're like you were five years ago. She said that she didn't know what I did to bring you back and she thanked me."

I watched Edward carefully as the tension in his body returned and he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Don't take offense to it, Edward. They're happy to see the changes in you. I'm not quite sure what I had to do with it, but I kinda have to admit that I like seeing you like this too."

"I'm not offended, but I don't like that they pointed it out. The last few years have been rough, Bella. I know that you didn't know me before, but you wouldn't have liked who I was over the last few years either. I'm trying to change that and get back to being who I used to be because I think you deserve a decent guy and not the guarded, insensitive asshole I've been. That's why I'm going to Aspen. You're right. I have to come to terms with that as well as my past before I can go forward. I do want you to come up to Aspen for a few days if you have the time though. I'd like to be able to see you without my family around."

"I'd like that, Edward. "

We pulled up in front of my house and Edward walked me to my front door. I invited him in and he agreed but only for a moment.

"Do you have your phone so I can give you my number?"

I pulled my phone from my purse and handed it to Edward. He quickly typed his number in and then handed it back to me. I pulled his number up and hit send. His phone rang in his pocket.

"Now you've got my number too. I hope you'll call me and let me know you got to Aspen okay."

"I will. Do you mind if I call to talk?"

"Of course not. You can call me whenever."

I hoped that he would.

* * *

 **A/N: These two … falling harder and harder for each other, but neither one wants to admit it. Bella gets it – she feels horrible that she slipped and asked Edward about his scars and she completely understands his need to get away because she's been there herself. How long do you think it will take before Edward is calling Bella?**

 **A HUGE thanks to MidnightCougar for rec'ing this on The Lemonade Stand! And to those of you who read and review every week – thank you SO much … I appreciate each and every one of them.**

 **See y'all next week!**


	14. Chapter 14

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, my writing wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

* * *

I was warm and cozy nestled under the mass of blankets on my bed. After Edward dropped me off, I turned up the heat and headed straight to bed. I was exhausted after the heaviness of the day and staying out half the night.

Neither my mind or body were quite awake yet, but as I cracked open my eyes, I recognized the dim light of early morning. The air was chilly outside of my happy haven and I was just about to roll over and go back to sleep when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Did I wake you?"

"Edward?" I asked as I sat up and tried to wipe the sleep from my face. "No. I'm awake … sort of."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't, honest. I'm awake, just not up yet."

"Sleepyhead." Edward chuckled.

"Mmmhmm. Have you left yet?"

"Yeah. I'm already here."

"Already?"

"It's 10:30, Bella, and it's not that long of a drive."

"Wow. It seems much earlier."

"A storm moved in overnight. It's been snowing pretty steadily for a few hours now."

"And you left in the middle of a snow storm?"

Edward laughed – I'm sure he thought if I were looking at him it would be because he had three heads.

"The storm is only supposed to get worse, Bella."

"Fabulous," I groaned. "I take it you got there safely?"

"I did. The roads weren't too horrible, but I'm sure they'll get a lot worse."

"I bet. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to hear your voice and let you know that I got here all right."

"I'm glad you called."

"You did say I could call whenever."

"I did, and I meant it."

"'Kay. I'll talk to you later, Bella. Enjoy a lazy day."

"Mmm. Bye, Edward. Be safe, okay?"

"I will. You too, Bella."

I heard the call disconnect and I lay my phone down on the bedside table. I chanced a look at the window and was momentarily mesmerized by the beauty of the snow falling outside.

By the third day, I was completely over the snow. I was feeling a little bit edgy because I was getting a little cabin fever and I hadn't heard form Edward since the day he left. Emmett called and said that he would come by and clear the drive as soon as it stopped snowing. I was in a holding pattern of sorts. I decided while I was waiting that I would text Edward.

 _Haven't heard from you in a couple days, you okay? – B_

Edward took his time replying and after a couple hours, my phone finally chimed.

 _I'm ok. Thinking of u. – E_

 _I'm thinking of you too (obviously). Just wanted to check in and see that you're all right. – B_

 _Thx for checking in. =) Still up to coming for a visit? – E_

 _Is it safe? – B_

 _The roads? Yes. Or did you mean otherwise? – E_

 _I meant the roads. Do you really want me to drive up? – B_

 _Absolutely. I miss you far more than I have a right to. – E_

 _Says who? – B_

Edward was quiet for a while after that, but if he really wanted me to go see him – I'd go. I went about my day, cleaning house and doing laundry. Later that afternoon, I was taking the last load of laundry upstairs when my phone rang. I figured it was Emmett calling to say he'd be over, but I was completely surprised when I realized that it was Edward.

"Hey."

"Hey," Edward said softly.

"You okay?"

"You sound like a broken record," he chuckled.

"Can you blame me? You never replied to my last text."

"Says me," he whispered.

"Edward …."

"When can you come up?"

"Anytime."

"Tonight?"

"Miss me that much, do you?"

"You have no idea."

Edward's voice was low and sounded pained. He sounded like he really needed someone – like he needed … me.

"Text me your address and I'll text you when I'm on my way."

"Really?"

"Yes, Edward, really. If you need me, I'll be there."

I spent twenty minutes packing my bag and gathering my things. Satisfied that I'd gotten everything, I picked up my phone and called Esme to let her know I was going out of town and wasn't sure when I'd be back.

"I hope everything is okay, sweetheart."

"I hope so too, Esme."

I didn't want to tell her that I was going to see Edward, but I didn't want her to worry either.

"Call me, okay, Bella? I'm already worried about Edward. I haven't heard from him in days."

"I'm sure he's fine, Esme. I promise I'll call, okay?"

Emmett was busy clearing the drive as I bounded to my truck with my bag in hand. He waved as I drove away and I was glad that we didn't have to play twenty questions.

The highways weren't terribly crowded, but I took my time due to the residual snow and ice. I carefully followed the directions on my GPS and breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled into the drive and saw Edward's truck parked in the garage.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward waving at me, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Park in the garage," he hollered.

I carefully pulled into the bay Edward pointed me to, and I hadn't been out of the truck for two minutes before Edward pulled me into his arms and held me to his chest. I wasn't expecting his eager embrace, but I allowed myself to relax into it, and I had to admit that it felt good – really good.

"I'm so glad you're here," Edward murmured into my neck.

When I pulled away finally, I noticed Edward was shaking.

"Hey … you okay?"

Edward nodded and took my hand to lead me into the house.

"How was your drive?"

"It was okay. I didn't have any problems, but I was extra careful because of the leftover ice on the roads."

"You made pretty good time."

It was a little over two hour drive from Palisade to Aspen, and I left home shortly after four p.m. and it was ten minutes to seven when I pulled into Edward's driveway.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked softly.

"Yeah, actually I am."

"Good. Dinner will be ready soon. Let's get you settled in, shall we?"

I followed Edward through a wide, open living area decorated in various shades of cream, beige, and brown. The far wall was made up of a stone, floor to ceiling fireplace that was framed by enormous windows on each side. Oversize leather sofas and a luxurious, plush rug filled the room. It looked warm and inviting – not that I was expecting anything less. Esme had told me she decorated it herself.

Edward led me up a staircase on the east side of the room and stopped at the second of four doors in the short hallway.

"That first door there is the bathroom. There are fresh towels on the counter. And this," he said opening the door, "Is your room."

I hesitantly stepped into the room to find a queen size sleigh bed made out of a rich cherry. The bed was covered in fluffy, soft white linens, and a faux fur throw was draped dramatically across the foot of the bed. It looked like something out of a magazine. Two windows looked out upon the winter landscape, revealing an incredible moonlit view.

"Wow. It's beautiful, Edward."

"Think you'll be comfortable in here? If not, you can always …."

"Well," I giggled. It's not the Four Seasons, but I guess it'll do."

Edward's smile in return was breathtaking.

"I'm glad you're here, Bella."

"Me too."

"Make yourself comfortable. I'm gonna check on dinner."

Edward closed the door behind him and left me alone to freshen up and change. I had no idea how long I was going to stay – I had no idea how long Edward _wanted_ me to stay, so I didn't bother to unpack. I grabbed my toiletry bag and freshened up a bit in the spacious bathroom that was surprisingly larger than my kitchen. Feeling refreshed and more relaxed, I pulled on an oversized sweatshirt over my thin t-shirt and headed downstairs.

Edward had built a fire in the fireplace in my absence, giving the room a warm glow. From the landing at the bottom of the stairs, I could see him puttering around the kitchen, lost in his task.

"Do you need some help?" I asked, stepping into the kitchen

"No!" Edward startled. "No, Bella. Don't come in here! Please …."

Edward's voice was panicked as he backed away from me – his demeanor that of a frightened animal as he cringed and tucked into the corner cabinets. He appeared to be a hairsbreadth away from a panic attack and my heart sank.

"Edward … it's okay. I won't come into the kitchen if you don't want me to."

"You can't," he whimpered. "You can't c-come in here. I – I can't …."

Beads of sweat and tears ran down his face.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered, still sounding panicked.

"Hey … it's okay. Can I help by setting the table or something?"

I figured that he needed a minute, so I thought I'd offer us both an out. Plates and silverware were stacked on the island but were out of my reach. I didn't want to cross a line that I couldn't see and I worried about pushing Edward over the edge.

I watched him carefully as he squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath. When he finally pushed it out, he growled, "No, damn it. I'll do it. Just don't come in here."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered.

Edward's eyes were dark and wary and he still seemed to fear me crossing into the kitchen. I wondered for the first time if it had been a mistake to come.

"Maybe I … maybe I should go. I'm not really sure why I'm here anyway."

Edward furrowed his brow and drew his long fingers against his temples.

"Don't go …" he whispered. "I –I n-need y-you."

"You _need me_?" I asked incredulously.

"Y-yes."

"How can you need me when you can't even tolerate me entering the same room as you, Edward? Not thirty minutes ago, you gave me the most incredible hug but now you can't get far enough away from me."

I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice – not even if I wanted to.

"Bella, _please_."

"Edward, I don't know that I can handle this push and pull thing you're doing. I'm sorry – I shouldn't have come here."

I turned and hurriedly left the room. Traitorous tears streamed down my face as I climbed the stairs. Thankful that I hadn't unpacked, I gathered up my things before going into the bathroom to wash my face. I took a deep breath in an attempt to steel myself against Edward's reaction to my leaving.

With my duffle bag in hand, I descended the stairs to find Edward standing in front of the fire, shirtless.

Unable to take my eyes off the beautiful, broken man before me, I stood at the foot of the stairs for a moment, savoring both his light and darkness.

"Please, Bella … don't go," Edward asked without turning toward me.

"Edward," I said softly. "You haven't given me a reason to stay."

"I'm sorry I panicked. P-please d-don't g-go."

"You scared me, Edward, and honestly, I think I've had about all I can take for one evening."

"Bella, please. I'm trying … I'm trying to trust myself with you. I want … I want to get to know you. That's why I asked you here. I want to be able to do that away from the prying eyes of my family."

"Why? I adore your family. They've been so good to me, Edward."

"Because I trust them, Bella, but I don't trust myself."

"What does being able to trust yourself have to do with me?"

"Because … I need to know … I need to know if I'm making the right decision by letting you into my life, Bella. My family loves you and I think they'd do just about anything for you, but I need their opinions to not be a factor in that decision." He took a deep breath before continuing, "In order to make that decision, I need not only to trust you, but I have to trust me too. I'm just … not there."

I looked at him incredulously.

"My God, Edward. What happened to you that not only shattered your trust in yourself, but your trust in other people too? Edward, please tell me that you don't have so little faith in yourself and other people – not everyone is malicious and out to hurt you."

Edward peered across the room at me and I wasn't sure if he was angry or scared.

"I'm sorry, Edward. You don't have to answer that. I'll get out of your hair and you won't have to worry about it."

"Bella, you're not "in my hair" – at all. Why would you think that? If you really want to know what shattered my trust in myself, and if I'm being honest, my trust in women really – well let's just say that I'm working on an answer to that for you."

"Edward … I'm not some experiment to see if you can decide whether or not to trust yourself."

He turned to face me and for the second time, I got a full-frontal glimpse of Edward's scarred chest. In the glow of the firelight, they looked rougher – almost scary.

"I know you're not an experiment, Bella. When I'm around you, everything is so different. Since I've met you, apparently, I'm glutton for punishment because I can't seem to stay away from you. I want to be open and completely honest with you, but it's a chore because I'm afraid of giving away too much. I want to get to know you … and I want you to know me … but …."

"But?"

"It's hard for me, Bella. Harder than anything I've ever done."

"I know that feeling only too well, Edward."

My words to him were the truth. Opening up my life to other people had been difficult to say the least, but his family made it so easy. They were genuine, caring people.

"I don't want you to think less of me," Edward breathed.

Cautiously, I walked toward him and gingerly sat on the sofa a few feet away from him.

"All right … I'm listening."

* * *

 **A/N: Phew! That was a lot and probably not enough for you that chapter eh? Just a note for next week – we will be hearing from Edward and he's got a LOT to say, but please know that his story is not easy. We already know that he's very self-conscious and doesn't easily trust people and you'll see why.**

 **The idea for this story came from a house and a desire to write a story about something that happens more often than we know and I feel that it's overlooked because it's usually women on the receiving end – not men.**

 **If you have any reservations, please feel free to PM me, and I'll do my best to explain without giving away too much of the story.**

 **See y'all next week!**


	15. Chapter 15

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

 **A/N: I do apologize for posting one day later than I really wanted to. I totally forgot about the holiday weekend and the fact that I hadn't uploaded my chapters ahead of time like I usually do ... BUT I had a great time in Las Vegas ;)**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

* * *

 **Edward**

I knew the day I hit my head on Bella's cabinet that I was in trouble. My family gushed about how sweet and wonderful Bella was and that I needed to meet her because we apparently have a lot in common. Emmett was being especially loud that morning, and I shushed him more than once. I know I hated being woken up and I thought I'd do my best to spare Bella the rude awakening. So much for that.

Emmett nearly shouted good morning and his raised voice scared the shit out of me and I hit my head good on the bottom of the cabinet I was installing as he asked Bella how she'd slept. My mom chastised me for cursing and Bella looked at me curiously as I rubbed my head and apologized. Mom introduced us and Bella held out her hand to me, but I couldn't bring myself to take it.

After the accident, I shied away from any woman's touch – including my mother. I did my best to avoid situations where touch was necessary, but sometimes that wasn't always possible and I hated the fact that it was hurting my mom. My mom wasn't the only one hurt – Alice was too. Alice and I had been close until I met Leah, and things went downhill between us after that up till the accident. After the accident, I needed my family more than ever and not for the first time did I regret pushing them out of my life to make room for Leah.

I met Leah my senior year of college. She was gorgeous with long, dark hair and dark chocolate eyes. Her skin was tan and perfect. She was tall, but not so tall that I had to look up to her. She was slender, but not too skinny. Her eyes danced when she laughed which was often, and she had the sweetest smile. I should have known that it would be too good to be true.

Leah and I dated for two and a half years before I bit the bullet and asked her to marry me. I was so blind to her that I ignored the pleas and advice of my family.

"Edward, sweetheart … I'd never tell you what to do, but I don't think you should marry her. There's something that isn't quite right about her."

"Like what, Mom?"

"Sometimes she has a strange look in her eyes, Edward. I don't trust her."

"Have you been listening to Alice again, Mom? I know Alice doesn't like her … she says that she doesn't have a good "feeling" about Leah, and that's not fair of her to judge her on a "feeling". I thought you guys were better than that."

"Edward Anthony … I'm a mother, I have instincts about these things. I wish you'd rethink this, honey."

"I want to marry her, Mom."

"All right, sweetheart. That's your decision. You're my son and I love you. I will do my best to support you and your happiness."

After that conversation, I left knowing that my mom was far from happy. I should have listened to her and Alice.

Leah and I had been married for about a year when things started to change in our relationship. Leah became more demanding and there were times that her demands were far beyond our I wanted to make my wife happy, no matter what I tried … I couldn't. We were still paying off student loans and the wedding. I was working three jobs – at the winery doing the books for my parents, I was doing odd construction jobs and maintaining the books for Emmett's business, and I was doing the books for Leah's dad's distribution company. It was a lot to take on, but we needed the money. Leah worked for her dad as a sales rep and often complained loudly that I didn't have time for her.

"Baby … I'm trying here. We've got bills to pay and you want a house … I want to be able to provide a house for you and this is the only way I can do that. Once we save up a little bit and get ahead on the bills, I won't have to work three jobs."

"You spend more time with your family than you spend with me," she pouted.

"Leah … you know that's not true. I hardly ever see my mom and I never see my sister. Hell, I only see my dad and brother in passing."

At first it just seemed like normal newlywed stuff, but I thought that we might have gotten past that in the two and half years we were together before the wedding. After that, things gradually got worse. We were struggling financially, yet Leah spent more and more time going shopping and buying expensive things for a house we didn't have. What I thought was only whining and nagging turned into insults and criticism.

"I have the most useless husband in the world," Leah complained to her girlfriend on the phone one day. I'd never felt so small.

"Edward! Our bank account is overdrawn! God, you're such an idiot! Why don't you just put overdraft protection from our savings to our checking instead of letting it get overdrawn?"

"I didn't "let" it get overdrawn, Leah. I can't put overdraft on it because there isn't anything in our savings to draft from. You've dollared and dimed us to death. We. Are. Broke. What part of that don't you understand?"

"That's all your fault, Edward!"

"What do you mean it's my fault? I don't have time to shop, Leah, because I'm too busy working!"

"Working? Is that what you call it when you sit for hours on end at your parent's winery talking to people?"

"Yes. Working at the Winery means that I have to sometimes interact with our customers. I take care of the financial aspect of the winery and that means dealing with personal accounts sometimes. The people who have personal accounts have been family friends for years. Of course, I don't expect you to understand that, Leah."

"You're such an asshole, Edward."

The comment to Leah about her understanding family friends was a low blow and I deserved to be called an asshole, but that was one of the few times I did deserve it.

"I'm done," I said quietly and started to walk out.

"Oh no you don't … we're not done until I say we're done, Edward."

Leah grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the living room. She rounded in front of me and pushed me with all her might before kicking the door closed.

"Leah, stop. I'm done talking about this for now," I insisted.

"The hell you are, Edward. "

"I'm tired of arguing about this, Leah. Please let me out. I need to get out of here."

"No! What you need to do is put money into the checking account!"

"Leah! I don't have any money to put into the checking account. Every cent I make already goes into that account! Why can't you understand that?"

"Why are you hiding money from me, Edward? I know you're hiding money somewhere. You make good money at all three jobs … you fucking asshole!" Leah screamed.

That was the first time she snapped. When she was done screaming, she beat the ever loving shit out of me and I stood there and took it because I couldn't bring myself to hit a woman even if it was in self-defense.

I woke up the next morning to my brother looming over me.

"Jesus, Ed. What the fuck happened to you?"

I didn't know if I should have answered him truthfully or not. On one hand, I wanted to tell him, but on the other hand, I didn't want to admit that it was Leah – not even to myself. I wanted to believe that she was still the woman I fell in love with.

"Get me to a doctor, please," I wheezed.

Emmett was good enough to take me to the ER. All in all, I ended up with a black eye, a broken nose, a couple broken fingers and ribs, a sprained wrist, a decent sized bump on my head and a shit-ton of bruises. Leah had definitely roughed me up good. When the doctor asked me what happened, I told him that my wife had found herself a new boyfriend, and after exchanging words with her, the boyfriend came over and roughed me up. He urged me to file charges and I promised I'd think about it.

Emmett dutifully drove me home and promised that he'd never tell my parents or sister what he saw that morning. But before he left, he forced me to let him take pictures of all my injuries.

"Ed … I don't know what's going on here, but I know some serious shit went down here. I'm pretty sure that it involves Leah somehow. I know you don't want to tell me or anyone else for that matter and that's your choice, but Goddammit, I'm your brother – you're supposed to tell me these things."

"I can't," I growled through clenched teeth.

"Right … and I can't hop like a bunny either. Your choice, little bro. Just remember that family always helps family – no matter what."

Emmett walked out the door and I didn't see him again for two months.

I was too ashamed to show my face at work, so I did my best to work from home. I had pretty much everything I needed and what I didn't have, I asked my dad to pick up and bring over to me and I'd conveniently leave the house for a while and tell him to use the key under the mat. I'd use the excuse that I was working at one of my other jobs and didn't have time to stop by and pick it up. Unfortunately for me, after about the third time, my dad caught on to what was going on and he dropped by our house out of the blue one day.

"What's going on, Son? You haven't been to work in two weeks? I know that you haven't been at the distribution center either because your car isn't there. Emmett said he hasn't seen you in over a week. Care to enlighten me?"

I sighed.

"Edward … whatever you tell me stays between you and me. You're my son and I need to know what's going on with you."

I raked my hands through my hair and winced when I hit the sore spot on my head.

"Leah and I got in a fight."

"Over what?"

"Money … what else?"

"Ahh. Is that all?"

"It's the short of it, yeah."

"What's the long story, Son?"

"We don't have any."

"You don't have a long story or you don't have any money?"

"We don't have any money," I whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me, Son?"

"Because it's my problem, Dad. It's my problem and I'm ashamed. I have a degree in finance and I'm good at what I do. I work three jobs and I make good money at all of them, but for as hard as I try – I can't seem to make ends meet let alone save money for the future."

"Is it bills, credit cards … what?"

"It's both … bills, credit cards, student loans, rent, utilities, incidentals – which Leah thinks everything is incidental. She spends and spends and has no regard for me or for how hard I work to keep us afloat. We're starting to drown in fight all the time and I don't know what to do, Dad."

"Gerald said you came in to the ER covered in bruises the other day."

I should have known Dr. Gerandy would say something to my dad. They'd been friends for years and Dr. Gerandy was one of the personal accounts that I took care of at the winery.

"Edward … did Leah inflict those bruises?"

I couldn't admit it out loud, so I hung my head instead. It hurt not being able to admit to my Dad that my wife assaulted me.

Leah didn't come back for over a week after that first incident. When she finally came back she promised that she'd never do it again and that she loved me more than anything in the world.

"Why did you do it, Leah?"

"I was stressed out, Edward. I lost an account at work and my father is on my case because of it."

I knew that she was feeling a little stressed out. I may have been busy, but I was aware of what was going on with my wife. My mother-in-law had been diagnosed with stage III breast cancer about three weeks prior and I'm sure that Leah was concerned about her and what it meant for her because her grandmother died of breast cancer when she was young.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. Please forgive me. You know how much I love you. Let me get past this thing with my mom and work and I'll do better. I'll be better. Please?"

Tears glistened in her eyes and it made my heart ache. I put myself in her position and came to the conclusion that I would have snapped at one point too. I love my mom and if anything were to happen to her and I had to watch her deteriorate before my eyes, it would kill me. I knew better though than to think that forgiveness could come all at once, she really hurt me, and I made sure that she knew that. She apologized over and over again, but I didn't want her apologies. I wanted her promise that it would never happen again. She also promised that she would stop spending and be more conscious of our monetary situation. That lasted about eight months.

Leah's mom got worse before she got better. The doctors tried to treat it aggressively, but when it didn't work, they resorted to surgery in an attempt to remove the tumor. That was the worst decision they made. Within two months of the surgery, the cancer had spread to her lungs and kidneys. The doctors gave her six more months at best even with chemo and radiation treatments. Leah was devastated.

"I want a baby, Edward," Leah whispered to me late one night.

She'd been down at the hospital visiting her mom and it had been a particularly rough day.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now, baby."

"Why not? Don't you want a baby?"

"Yeah, but I don't think that's a good idea right now with everything else that's going on. You're worried about your mom and that stress wouldn't be good for a baby, Leah."

"I want my mom to be a grandma," she sobbed.

"I know, baby, but your mom is really sick. Even if you were already pregnant, there's a chance that she wouldn't be here to see it. Besides, you'd have to have your IUD removed and it could take up to a year to get pregnant after it's removed."

"So it's not that you don't want a baby because we can't afford it?"

"Well … that too. We're just starting to get back on our feet again and we're treading water instead of drowning in debt."

"Is money all you think about Edward?" Leah asked, sitting up.

"No, but it does have a trickle effect where everything else is concerned."

Leah huffed and climbed out of bed. She got dressed in silence before grabbing her purse.

"I'll be back. I need to get out of here for a while and think."

She never returned home that night. Or the next.

Two days later, Leah came home drunk. She wasn't driving her car. She had a cab bring her home. She stumbled into the house and I helped put her to bed.

The next morning I was pouring coffee when she came out of the bedroom looking a little worse for wear.

"I sat with mom all day yesterday. Pastor Webber came to the hospital last night and said a prayer with the family."

"You should have called me. I would have come to the hospital."

"Dad said you were busy."

"I wasn't so busy that I couldn't have come to the hospital if you needed me."

"It's okay, Edward. I'm sorry I didn't call and let you know where I was and what I was doing. Dad said you were worried."

"Of course I was worried, Leah. You're my wife."

"Maybe I don't want you to worry about me," she whispered.

"What?"

"I feel smothered, Edward. Ever since we had that huge fight a few months back, I feel like you're breathing down my neck and watching every move I make. I don't like it."

"Oookay."

"I'm going to get ready and go to the hospital. I don't know when I'll be back."

I wasn't quite sure what to think when Leah told me she felt smothered. She said she felt like I was breathing down her neck, but in reality, I'd still tried to maintain some distance between us. I felt like I was walking on eggshells waiting for a bomb to go off. The only thing I really kept tabs on was our financial situation because I didn't want to have to dig us out of debt again. Something more was going on with Leah, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Later that afternoon, I passed my father-in-law in the hallway at the distribution center and I asked him if he noticed anything wrong with Leah.

"She's your wife, Edward. How the hell would I know?"

"Uhh, I'm not sure. I just figured that you would have noticed something while she was sitting at the hospital with you."

"Edward, Son … I haven't seen my daughter at the hospital in over a week. Sometimes I'd like to ring that girl's neck. Her momma is down there lying in that God awful bed and she doesn't even have the decency to sit and spend time with her. Speaking of … I want to get down there before the doctor comes in."

Why was Leah lying about being down at the hospital with her mother?

After work, I thought I'd stop by the hospital to visit for a while and hopefully catch Leah and see her for a few minutes too, but she never came. I sat around with my in-laws until seven p.m. and then headed home. Leah rolled in around 8:30 p.m. – drunk again.

"S-s-sorry," she slurred. "Mom had a bad day again."

I knew for a fact that wasn't true. I spoke with the day nurse as she was doing her charts. Leah's mom had a good day – something she hadn't had in a while.

"Bullshit."

"'Scuse me?"

"I said, bullshit, Leah. You weren't at the hospital today."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"You are a liar, Leah. You haven't been to see your mom in over a week. Your dad confirmed it, the nurses confirmed it …."

"Have you been checking up on me?"

"Nope. I was a concerned husband and I asked your dad if he noticed anything off about you. He said that he hadn't seen you in over a week. You've been lying to me – for what?"

"You're such a fucking asshole, Edward. You follow me around checking up on me and you give me an "allowance" for fuck's sake. Do you think I'm a child?"

"At the moment you're acting like one, Leah."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I'm your husband. I deserve more than your lies, Leah."

"You fucker!" She screamed.

I should have known better than to push her buttons when she was drunk but I was angry and over her bullshit. I felt awful that she was using her dying mother as a scapegoat. Leah stormed toward me and I immediately crossed my arms over my face to protect myself. I figured in her drunken state that she would tire out easily and give up, but she didn't, she came at me again and again as I did my best to dodge the blows. She began to grab tchotchkes off the bookshelves and started throwing them at me, all while I was telling her to stop. When she ran out of things to throw, she started hitting me again. I was waiting for her hit to come but it never did, and I never heard Emmett over Leah's shrieking. He had pulled her into his beefy arms and she was unable to move. She was still kicking and screaming as Emmett told me to call the fucking police.

"This explains why you were so fucked up the first time," Emmett said gruffly.

"Emmett …."

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way, bro."

"What's the easy way?"

"You tell the police that your little wifey here beat the shit out of you."

"And the hard way?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair.

"I tell the police that your little wifey here beat the shit out of you and I show them the pictures."

Shit. I had forgotten about the pictures.

"Either way you're going to press charges, little brother. This shit ends tonight."

Or so he thought.

* * *

 **A/N: Dun dun dun …. So there's part of Edward's story. While many of you had lots of theories about what happened to Edward, none of you guessed that he was a victim of domestic violence. Like I said, it's usually women who are victims, but it happens to men too. I imagined Edward's character feeling very emasculated and that's why he didn't want to tell Bella his story – he needlessly felt shame because he was in a horrible situation. Where Emmett is a strong character, true to canon, Edward is much more sensitive and needs to learn that he can't let people dominate him – whether it's his wife/ex, or family.**

 **More from Edward next week.**

 **Thank you again for reading and all the lovely reviews. I read and appreciate each and every one of them.**

 **See y'all next week!**


	16. Chapter 16

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 as well as my pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 **A/N: This is a little early because I won't be around for the next couple of days and I thought y'all would appreciate an early update. ;)**

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

* * *

 **Edward Continued …**

Emmett helped me to press charges against Leah and get a restraining order against her. He listened with the patience of a saint as I unloaded everything on him. He didn't say anything until I finished talking and for that I was grateful. His only words were to ask me what he could do to help me.

He also helped me to sit in front of my parents and while I told them the same thing I'd told him – I came clean about everything. The look on my mom's sweet face nearly broke me. Never once did she ever tell me that she'd told me so. She loved me unconditionally and like Emmett, she asked me what she could do to help me.

"It's my mess, Mom. Let me deal with it."

"What are you going to do, sweetheart?"

"I filed charges against Leah and got a restraining order against her. I'm going to file for divorce as soon as I can afford it."

My father offered to get in touch with the family's attorney because he was sure that he could recommend a good divorce attorney for me.

"Don't worry about waiting until you can afford it, Son. I'll pay the attorney's fees. Just get out of this relationship before it kills you."

"Maybe you should stay here for a few days, sweetheart. Leah's not a big fan of us, so maybe she won't make the mistake of coming out here."

It wasn't a half bad idea, but I didn't like the thought that Leah might be so careless as to come to my parent's house and I didn't want to subject them to that. I didn't want my drama to affect them, even though in a small way it already had.

"I'll be fine at home, Mom. I've got the restraining order. If she comes over, all I have to do is call the police."

"Oh, Edward. Be careful, honey. You are so, so important to me."

"I know, Mom. I'll be okay, I promise."

Fuck Leah for making me break my promise to my mom.

Everything had been okay for a couple days. I'd spoken to Leah's dad and while he wasn't happy with me for pressing charges against his dear little daughter, he couldn't argue that she hadn't done anything because he'd seen the pictures. He had to hire an attorney to bail Leah out of jail. He even went as far as to come by the house and gather up some of her things.

"I think it might be best if you don't come back to work at the distribution center, Edward. Leah's in and out and I'm doing my best to keep her occupied and out of your hair, but I can't watch her 24/7 – I've got her mom to worry about you know?"

I nodded.

I'd be okay without my job at the distribution center – it would allow me to pick up more hours working for Emmett. It was nearly springtime and construction would be picking up considerably now that it had stopped snowing.

I'd made the decision to move into a small apartment instead of staying in our rental house. It would save me a little money, and the building that Alice and Jazz were living in had a vacancy. One night about a week after the incident with Leah, I was taking a break from packing and was cooking myself some dinner. I was in the kitchen tending to my meal when I heard a knock at the door. I thought it might be Emmett and Rose because they'd promised to stop by and I thought it might be easier to leave the door unlocked. That was my first mistake. The second mistake was yelling "come in".

"You filed for _divorce_?" Leah screeched.

"Leah … you're not allowed to be here. If you want to get your things, you'll have to contact the police so you can come in and get them. You know that, your lawyer explained it to you."

"I don't give a fuck what the lawyer says, Edward. You're _my_ husband."

"You threw away the right to call me that when you attacked me, Leah. I'm done. I won't tolerate your abuse any longer."

I reached across the kitchen for my phone that was lying on the opposite counter when Leah came charging at me, pushing me into the stove. She was incredibly strong and came at me with such force that it pushed the pan on the burner into the center of the stove and my arm hit awkwardly against it. Pain immediately shot up my arm and when I yelped, Leah grabbed my arm and twisted it and pushed me against the stove again. My sleeve caught fire from the gas burner, but I didn't realize it at first because I was too busy trying to get Leah off of me. She twisted my left arm behind me and held it there, watching the flame catch in earnest.

"Leah … stop!" I yelled. "My shirt is on fire!"

"Good," She purred, yanking my arm back further. "I hope you burn in hell, Edward."

One more tug and excruciating pain shot up my left arm. Leah had surely succeeded in breaking both my arms. I screamed as the flames burned the fabric and flesh of my right side. I fell to the floor and did my best to snuff out the flames through the pain wracking my body.

"Leah? What the fuck?" I vaguely heard Emmett shout.

"Where's Edward?"

"Burning in hell," Leah sneered.

That was the last thing I heard before losing consciousness.

I woke up in a hospital bed nearly a week later. My mother was softly sobbing next to me when I opened my eyes.

"Edward … oh, sweetheart."

"Mom?" I tried to ask through the ventilator.

"Shh … honey, don't try to talk until they take that thing out. Let me tell the nurse you're awake, okay?"

Moments later, a nurse and a doctor came bustling into the room.

"Howdy, Edward," the doctor said. "Good to see you awake. Do you know where you are? If you do, just nod, okay?"

I nodded.

"Good. We're going to take this breathing tube out, but we may have to put it back in for a while depending on how your lungs do, okay?"

I nodded again.

I coughed when he asked me to and it was uncomfortable when he pulled the tube out. I felt like I had a sore throat. My throat hurting was minute compared to the pain I was realizing everywhere else.

"Try not to move too much, Edward. You were pretty bad when they brought you in here. Your arm, part of your chest, neck and face were affected by the fire. Your brother got to you quickly and spared you from being burned further. Your right arm is broken and we've managed to set it, but we're unable to cast it because of your burns. Your leg might be a little sore because we used some of the skin there to graft onto your arm and chest."

After the doctor finished explaining my injuries, I was exhausted. My mom smiled at me softly before kissing my cheek and stroking my hair. She explained that they had to airlift me from Grand Junction to Denver because Grand Junction didn't have a burn center and Denver did.

I spent two months in the hospital recovering from my injuries. During that time, I'd met with my attorney several times and he assured me that we'd have more than one case against Leah. My parents rented a small apartment in Denver close to the hospital so that my mom and sister could take turns sitting with me. They didn't have to, but I was glad for their company even if I flinched when they came near me. I couldn't control my body's reaction.

My left arm wasn't broken, but I did have a dislocated shoulder and a sprained wrist. Never the less, it kept me from being able to do the simplest things like feed myself and brush my teeth. I hated that my mom and sister had to do those things for me, but it was much easier to take when Emmett and Dad were there to help out.

"Sweetheart, Alice and I would never, ever hurt you, you know that," Mom sobbed.

"I know, Mom. I can't help it."

"I know, honey. I'm so very sorry that you have to go through all this."

"I know, Mom. Please don't apologize. It's not your fault. It's mine. I brought this all on myself … if I'd only listened to you when you asked me not to marry her."

"Sweetheart, you didn't know. You were in love with her and love can be blind sometimes, Edward. Besides, you were always one to search out the good in people. I love that about you and Leah was no exception to that."

Proceedings for my divorce began while I was still in the hospital. Leah did her best to dispute it, but once the judge saw my medical records, he overruled Leah's opposition and she was denied bail after being arrested again. Emmett was the one to press charges against her since I was unable to.

Mom, Alice and I stayed in Denver for a few months after I was released from the hospital. It was easier for me to stick with the physical therapists and burn specialists there than it would have been for me to find new ones in Grand Junction. I had to undergo a couple more surgeries in the year following the fire and for me that was the hardest part. I had to relearn how to use my right arm and I had to be careful not to overuse it because of the burns. Each day was a struggle, but I was determined to take my life back.

When I was finally well enough to move back to Grand Junction, I moved in with my parents because there were things that I still needed help with and my mom insisted that she wanted to help. I immediately went back to my previous job as the accountant for the family winery, and Emmett was glad to have me back as his accountant as well. My attorney kept me abreast of all the court proceedings; my divorce and the civil suit against Leah. We were waiting for the judge to sign off on the divorce – Leah would not receive any alimony, nor would she receive any disbursement from our assets. As for the civil suit, Leah's father was doing his best to settle out of court – he was offering 1.2 million dollars to settle, however my family's winery would never be able to use his company for a distributor again. Every company that ordered our wine from his company would have to go out of their way to come to us directly unless we found another company that wanted to distribute our wines.

My father argued that 1.2 million wasn't enough to cover the fact that I could have died because of Leah, and he was in negotiations with my lawyer to bump that number up considerably. I knew that would be the biggest check I'd ever see, and it was what I used to buy my cabin in Aspen and build my small house in Palisade.

As I got my feet back under me, I tended to keep to myself, still not trusting of myself and of women in general. I was getting better around my Mom and Alice, but I still was more jumpy than I wanted to be. It was easier to avoid women I didn't know and keep a distance between those I did know. I'd done so well on my own until Bella unknowingly stepped into my life.

I couldn't believe it when Emmett mentioned that someone had finally talked old Mrs. Cope into telling her house. It was built in the late 1800's and was easily one of the oldest houses in Palisade. My mom had been drooling over it for years, wondering what the interior of the house looked like.

"Rosie says the woman who's buying it is single." Emmett grinned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Rosie says she's young and she doesn't know anyone in Palisade. Sounds to me like she could use a friend here … and so could you."

"Emmett …." I said in a warning voice.

"Damn it, Edward. I know you went through some shit, but it's time to start living again, don't you think?"

"I'm doing the best I can, Em."

"Try harder, Ed. You'll be okay."

Three weeks later, my mom called me to let me know that Bella was coming over for dinner on Sunday.

"Who's Bella?" I asked.

"She's the woman who bought the Cope house. Rosalie is her realtor and she befriended Alice at work. Both the girls adore her and assured me that everyone else would love her too. Won't you come over and make something delicious for dinner?"

When I came home from the hospital, I found myself home with my mom and we'd sit together and watch hours of cooking shows. I found that I liked to cook when I was married to Leah, and after being burned by the flame from our stove, I had shied away from the kitchen. I knew it was something I needed to get over – especially if I ever wanted to live by myself again. Finding my way around my mom's kitchen, I felt like I was getting reacquainted with an old friend and it felt good – as long as I was alone. My mom liked to sit at the bar and chat with me while I was cooking, but I panicked easily if she tried to set foot in the kitchen.

Boundaries were something that everyone had to get used to.

"Sure, Mom. I'll make something for dinner, but I don't think I'm quite ready to come over for dinner."

It was after the dinner that Sunday that everyone started telling me about Bella and how they'd come to adore her. Even Emmett commented how adorable she was.

Nothing could have prepared me for the real thing.

I'm sure I stared longer than was appropriate at Bella the first time I saw her. She was beautiful. Petite and slender with wide brown eyes and a mop of mahogany hair piled up on her head. Her face was free of makeup and she wore a shy smile when our eyes met. The knowing look she gave me rocked me. It was like she knew I was harboring a secret, and in a few fleeting moments, I knew that I might be too ashamed to ever tell her.

* * *

 **A/N: Indeed. So there you have Edward's story in its entirety. Next week we'll get Bella's reaction. How do you think she's going to react? How do you think she should react? A lot of you were surprised by the beginning of Edward's story last week - I hope the conclusion of it was what you were expecting.**

 **Thanks for reading and leaving me the most awesome reviews. I have the best readers.**

 **See y'all next week!**


	17. Chapter 17

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and my pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

 **A/N: I'm so glad that so many of you have faith in Bella. I don't think she'll let you down.**

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

* * *

 _Bella_

Nothing could have prepared me for what Edward had to tell me. He began by telling me his reaction the first time we met.

"I felt like your eyes could see right through me – like you knew that I had a secret. It was very unsettling because in those first few moments, I knew that there was something different and special about you. Usually, I have a … difficult … time being around women, but with you, it felt different. _I_ felt different, and I needed to know why."

Edward began by explaining how he'd met Leah in college and as their relationship evolved, his relationship with his family suffered because they didn't like his girlfriend who would eventually become his wife.

I listened quietly as Edward told me his story – how his relationship with Leah grew abusive, not only mentally but physically as well. I understood because I had gone through mental abuse with Paul as well. I was thankful that I'd never had to go through a physically abusive relationship, and my heart ached that Edward, being as sweet as he is, had to go through that. It made me realize that abuse could occur to both sexes – it wasn't isolated to one.

When Edward told me about the last night that Leah came into his home, while he was waiting for his brother, I held my head in my hands because I knew that was the night that things were taken to the extreme. I knew it would be hard to listen to, but that was nothing compared to what Edward had lived through. He struggled as he told me about his injuries and the pain that he'd gone through. The only thing that kept me grounded was that he was there with me – alive and breathing . I found solace in that.

By the time he finished speaking he was shaking and obviously spent. Anxious eyes looked over at me and I met his gaze.

"Say something, Bella. Anything."

"Edward … I don't know what to say. Nothing seems quite right at the moment," I said quietly.

"Tell me I'm a coward."

"A coward? What in the world makes you think that you're a coward, Edward?"

"Because I allowed Leah to … abuse … to do that to me."

"Edward … I don't think that makes you a coward at all. I think it takes a strong person to endure that, and an even stronger person to be able to live to tell about it. Leah may have abused you mentally and physically, but you didn't let her beat you down completely. You're here and you're telling your story. I know that you'd never allow that to happen to you again."

"You really don't think I'm weak?"

"No, Edward. I don't think you're weak. I think you've been through more than your share of shit and you're doing your best to put it past you and move on with your life."

"I am," Edward whispered.

I crossed the room slowly and reached out for Edward's hand. I knew that he might still be wary of touch and he did seem to jump a little, but he held out his hand to me and I took it in both of mine.

"I think you are stronger than you want to give yourself credit for, Edward."

"I want to be strong …. I want to be what you deserve, Bella."

I closed the small distance between us and carefully wrapped my arms around his waist, gently laying my head on his bare chest.

"Let me be the judge of that, okay? I have demons of my own, Edward."

"Are we airing out all the laundry tonight?" Edward chuckled shakily.

"Umm, no. Not tonight."

We stood in the warmth of the fire for a few more minutes before I looked up to study Edward's face. He looked tired, but most of the worry in his features was gone. I could tell that the weight on his shoulders was gone as well.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Do you still want to leave?"

"No."

"Then I'm okay."

I lay my head on his chest again and gave him a gentle squeeze.

"You look tired. Maybe we should try to rest and we can talk in the morning."

I waited patiently while Edward closed up the house, making sure that all the doors were locked and that the glass on the fireplace was securely in place. The fire was nearly gone, but the hot embers still smoldered. Edward met me at the bottom of the stairs and took my hand as he began to ascend them. He stopped at the door to my room.

"S-stay … w-with m-me. I d-don't want to b-be a-alone," Edward pleaded brokenly, his hand holding tightly onto my own.

I looked up into worried green eyes and it struck me that he might be worried that I would leave in the middle of the night.

" _P-please_."

After all the ugliness that Edward had revealed, I understood his need not to be alone. He needed comfort and security – two things I needed myself.

"Okay."

"There's … umm, there's more space in my room," Edward said sheepishly.

I nodded and followed him down the hallway.

Inside, the room was cold and dark, but Edward quickly crossed the room and turned on the lamp.

"W-would a f-fire bother you? I'm afraid it's a catch-22 in here – bigger bed, but it's colder."

"No, that's fine."

"Y-you can do w-what you need to do," Edward said pointing to the bathroom. "I'll get this lit and warm it up in here."

I turned to head into the bathroom, my mind and body both intensely weary from the evenings events.

"Bella?" Edward asked softly.

"Hmm?" I asked, cracking open the door.

"Thank you for staying."

I smiled weakly and closed the door.

Sleep had never come to me so easily. I crawled into Edward's king size bed and it was so comfortable I could have been lying on a cloud. I tried to wait for Edward as he finished in the bathroom and as I began to drift off, I felt the bed dip next to me. I rolled over to find warm, green eyes peering at me.

"You're so tired."

"Mmm."

"Sweet dreams, beautiful."

Warm lips pressed to my forehead and I smiled into my pillow and drifted to sleep. Unfortunately, a few short hours later, I found myself wide awake. I tried, unsuccessfully, to go back to sleep, but I couldn't settle my mind. Edward's confession played over and over in my mind. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was the broken expression on his handsome face. My heart ached at the very thought that someone could even try to break the strong man who was so full of life and good to his very core. Eventually, I decided to give up on sleep. Edward was snoring softly beside me and looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake him. I threw off the covers and tucked them carefully around Edward before sliding my feet into my slippers and pulling my oversized sweatshirt over my head.

I softly padded down the stairs and through the floor to ceiling windows I could see that the sun was beginning to peek over the mountains, casting a subtle glow across the snow covered mountains. The house was quiet and dark, and the contrast between inside and out was quite comforting. I made myself a cup of tea and built a fire before settling onto one of the oversize sofas with a heavy throw pulled across my lap. I continued to think about Edward and wondered if I could find the courage to tell him my own secrets.

I could … I could tell Edward, and I knew that he would understand. He would return the favor of sitting quietly and listening because that's how he is. But was I ready?

I thought about our similarities – our weaknesses; we both worried that we weren't enough. Edward had scars on the outside, but mine were in my heart. Edward recovered from his injuries, but would I ever recover from mine?

"Can't sleep?"

I looked up to see a very tired looking Edward standing in front of me.

"Not really."

"You've been crying. Are you okay?" He asked, kneeling in front of me so he was at eye-level.

The concern in his voice was sincere and I felt bad for worrying him.

"Yeah. I was just thinking."

"Thinking about anything in particular?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact."

Edward reached out gently and took my hands in his. The rough pads of his thumbs swirled circles across my skin and the sensation was oddly comforting.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not now."

"Will you tell me one thing?"

"That depends on what the one thing is."

"Tell me you're not thinking about what I told you last night."

Edward's eyes were pleading, and I knew he was asking because he feared me leaving or thinking less of him – which wasn't the case at all.

"I was but not in a bad way."

"Really? You're not ready to take off running?"

"No. I'm not running. Not now anyway."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'm sorry I panicked and then I couldn't keep myself from being a blithering, stuttering idiot."

"Edward … you weren't a blithering stuttering idiot. And I wouldn't hurt you that way. I know that you were nervous about telling me – _that_ I completely understand. I … I want to thank you for telling me. I admire your courage. If I were in your shoes, I don't know that I would have the courage to endure what you did and then face my family when it was all over."

"Thank you. I … I'm sorry that it took me freaking out to realize that it was now or never. It's not quite the way I wanted last night to go, but I was so afraid to tell you because I didn't want you to think less of me."

"I don't Edward. I don't fault you for wanting to get out of a bad situation. I am however, sorry that you had to go through everything you did to gain that freedom. And it's okay – I didn't understand your reaction to me in the kitchen, but I do now. Live and learn, okay?"

"Yeah," Edward chuckled. "So will you let me make up for last night?"

"Definitely." I smiled.

"Should we start with some breakfast and coffee?"

"God, Coffee sounds good."

Edward chuckled and stood in front of me. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Coffee coming right up," he whispered against my skin.

We didn't move far from the sofa that day. Edward made French toast for breakfast and we ate it huddled around the coffee table. We thought about going out, but Edward checked the weather and the clouds that rolled in a few hours after we finished breakfast sealed the deal.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I thought we'd be able to get out today so I could show you around Aspen."

"It's okay, Edward. There's always tomorrow or the next day, right?"

"As long as you don't take off running," He nodded.

"When are you going to realize that your past and the events within it aren't going to scare me off, Edward? I'm here … and you've told me your story. There is nothing in your past that would make me leave – unless you want me to."

"No … no, I want you here, Bella. I'm sorry … I need to learn to trust my instincts again, and … to trust myself. I'll get there, I promise."

"I know you will, Edward. I can be patient, but I need you to tell me if something upsets you – as much as I'd like to, I can't read your mind."

"I could say the same about you, sweetheart. Sometimes you can be in the same room with me and yet you're a hundred miles away. I'm not sure why but in those moments, I wish like hell that I could read your mind so I understood what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours."

"Maybe it's strange, but sometimes I feel like I'm a hundred miles away," I whispered.

"You're not far from me now," Edward said softly, reaching out for my hand. I took it willingly and crept closer to him on the sofa.

We were sitting in front of the fire, softly talking and watching the storm clouds grow closer with each minute that passed.

"Tell me about this condo … when did you buy it?"

"I bought it a couple years ago. I got a comfortable settlement from Leah's dad. There was some money left after I paid off my hospital bills, so I invested some and used some to buy this place and fix it up."

"Why Aspen instead of Vail?"

"Leah's dad moved to Vail after … after the trial. Leah's mom died while I was in the hospital. I wasn't well enough to attend the funeral – not that Leah's dad would have wanted me to, but her mom … she was a sweet woman. I don't know how Leah turned out the way she did."

"Where is Leah now?"

"She's in a facility in Denver."

"Prison?"

Edward nodded.

"She was convicted of attempted murder."

I snuggled into Edward's embrace, thankful that he was warm and there in my arms with me.

* * *

 **A/N: Whew! Did Bella take that better than what you thought or was she on par? I tend to agree with her … it takes a strong person to live to tell that story. Next week's chapter is a little fluffy and light, but I think it's warranted after the last couple chapters don't you?**

 **Just a heads up … I've managed to finish this story, and all told there are 29 regular chapters and 2 epilogues. I'm working on cleaning them up and sending them off to my beta and pre-readers and they are doing their best to keep up with me.**

 **See you next week and as always thank you for the lovely reviews – they make my day. =)**


	18. Chapter 18

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer: I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and my pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

A/N: I am SO sorry this is late … today has been one of those days. Had to take my dog to the vet and ended up being there WAY longer than I wanted to be … and it stressed me out! Thankfully, she's okay, just a little loopy and not too sure on her feet, but in a couple days I'm sure she'll be back to her old self again.

Learning to Live

Chapter Eighteen

I spent almost a week with Edward at his cabin in Aspen. I hated to leave, but reality and Esme were calling me back. I called to check in with Esme, but I wasn't ready to tell her where I was exactly. I know I didn't have to check in with her – after all, she wasn't my mother, but I had a feeling that as the days wore on she was getting progressively more worried.

The day after I arrived and Edward's confession, we spent all day talking and getting to know each other. Our conversations were light and easy. When one of us felt the conversation was getting too heavy, we'd change gears and lighten it up again. We snuggled on the sofa under the warmth of one of Edward's heavy throw blankets and as afternoon turned into evening, the snow began to fall outside.

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

"Not as beautiful as you," Edward murmured against my hair.

All afternoon we shared tentative touches and caresses. Every chance Edward got, he'd kiss my hair or my forehead, but he'd yet to attempt to kiss my lips. When I looked up at him and our eyes met, I knew it wouldn't take too long, but I had to go at his pace, and to be honest … I was glad that he was taking his time. Although I'd been divorced for more than five years, and separated longer than that – the only person I'd ever been with was Paul.

"Come back to me, Bella."

"Hmm?"

"You zoned out on me there for a bit … what are you thinking about?"

"Us," I whispered.

"What about us are you thinking about in particular?"

"That I like being here with you, and you've been so sweet to me – even after last night. Breakfast this morning and sitting here cuddling with me today. This is just what I needed – it's been so long since I've been this way with someone … it's exciting and comforting all at the same time."

"I'm glad you feel that way, Bella. I get how you feel because I think I needed this too … I've never been this way with anyone, but I'm glad that I can be this way with you."

"You weren't affectionate with Leah?"

"Not particularly, no. I mean, I tried to be, but she wasn't the warm, cuddly type. Everything was on her terms and she hated PDA."

Hearing that Leah didn't like affection surprised me. Edward seemed very open with his affection toward me. His rough fingers found purchase against my skin as often as they could. Edward mindlessly drew circles against the sensitive skin of my wrist.

"Paul wasn't overly affectionate either – unless he was drunk or thought that he could get something out of it."

"Was he your husband?"

"Yeah."

"How long were you married?"

"Umm … five years , I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't like to think about it."

"Sorry," Edward whispered into my hair. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know you didn't, Edward. It's okay."

He pulled me closer to him, wrapping both of his arms around me and pressed another kiss to the side of my head.

"I wouldn't treat you like that, beautiful. I'll hold you like this for as long as you want."

The truth was that I could have stayed in Edward's arms forever because when I snuggled into him, I forgot everything else around me.

It was the most relaxing day I'd had in a while, and I thought about it the entire drive home. In fact, thinking about it made me smile. I was still smiling about it when I pulled into my garage.

 _Made it home safe and sound. – B_

 _Good. Miss u already. C U in a few days. – E_

 _Okay. =) Be Safe – B_

Over the next few days, I busied myself with working on my business. I called Rose to see if she knew of any spaces that would be suitable for a studio. She said she did and agreed to show one to me the following morning.

"What do you think?"

"Rose … this is great. I mean, it needs some work, but I think it has a lot of potential."

"I think so too. It has good natural light and plenty of space for you to set up separate areas with different props."

"Yeah, and there's room for me to set up a dark room and a viewing area."

"You want me to write up a contract?"

"Yes." I grinned, "And I have my portfolio ready whenever you are."

"It's about damn time girl!"

"Hey – things are coming together, slowly but surely."

"And … how are you and Edward?"

"We're … okay."

"I bet. Emmett said you left out of here a few days after that last bad storm and he said you were gone a few days. Did you head up to Denver?"

"No, I didn't actually. Rose … please don't say anything to Emmett, but I went to spend a few days in Aspen with Edward."

"Oh? How did that go?"

"Good … I think. We talked and got to know each other a little better."

"Edward's a good man, Bella. He's honorable, sweet and devoted, but he's been hurt before and his confidence is easily bruised …."

"I know Rose," I said cutting her off. "Edward told me about Leah. It's sad that it happened to him – he didn't deserve it – any of it."

"No, he didn't. Edward is getting better, little by little, but since he's met you – he's closer to the man he used to be."

I couldn't agree or disagree with her, but I knew I missed him with a sickness. I suddenly couldn't wait for him to come home so we could go shopping for a Christmas tree.

Later that night, I was settling into bed with a book when my phone rang. I smiled when I saw the caller ID.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, yourself. I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, not at all. I just laid down to read for a while. What are you up to?"

"I got home about a half hour ago."

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. It was time to come home – I happen to know a beautiful woman who needs a Christmas tree and I'd like to help her with that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Absolutely. Especially if it means that I get to see you."

"Edward, you don't need an excuse to see me."

"So … you're saying that it wouldn't be weird if I had the urge to see you and showed up at your door?"

"No," I giggled. "I think that would be incredibly sweet."

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Good. In that case, you should come downstairs and let me in."

"You're here?" I squealed.

I jumped out of bed with my phone in hand and headed for the front door. I slipped on the porch light and flung open the door. There Edward stood, his hands in his pockets and looking up at me through his long lashes.

"I missed you," Edward said softly.

"I missed you too, handsome."

I reached out for his hand and he slowly slipped his hand into mine. I tugged him inside and closed the door.

"You're freezing."

Edward nodded.

"It's cold out. It's supposed to snow tonight."

"Fabulous. I didn't get around to bringing in extra wood today."

"That's okay. I'll go bring some in. Sit tight and I'll be right back."

It seemed like it took forever for Edward to get the firewood. The house was really cold and I caught a chill that I couldn't shake, so I went back upstairs and burrowed under my covers.

"Bella?" Edward hollered.

"Up-s-s-stairs," I stammered.

"Are you … Bella?"

"S-sorry. I'm f-freezing."

"Don't apologize. I'm the one who showed up unannounced. I can go …."

"No! P-please s-stay."

"Okay. Let me bring some of the wood up here and we'll get you warm, beautiful."

Hearing him call me beautiful warmed me up slightly and it didn't escape me that Edward called me that often. He returned moments later with a bundle of wood in his arms, and I watched from the shelter of my covers as he carefully built a roaring fire and slowly backed away. Carefully crossing the room, he came to sit next to me on the bed.

"A-aren't you c-c-cold?

"A little, but I'll be all right. Your teeth are chattering … tell me what I can do, Bella."

"S-snuggle with m-me."

Edward stood and kicked off his shoes before shedding his jeans and flannel shirt. He crawled into bed next to me and pulled up the blankets before pulling me into his arms.

"Better?"

"Mmmhmm," I murmured, snuggling into his embrace. He smelled heavenly – clean, slightly spicy – a scent I remembered fondly from the few days I'd spent with him in Aspen. I lay my head against his chest and closed my eyes upon hearing the steady beat of his heart.

"Sleepy, beautiful?"

"Maybe a little. Mostly, I'm content. I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. My arms felt empty without you."

I was quiet for a moment, letting his sweet words sink in. I sniffled a bit and burrowed closer to Edward. I still had trouble grasping how anyone could or would ever want to abuse the sweet man I was currently wrapped around. I looked up and found bright green eyes warily looking at me. I carefully reached up and traced my fingers across his full, pink lips. He took my hand in his and pressed his lips to my fingers. Edward looked down at me through his thick, full lashes and I couldn't help but move closer. His lips met mine half way as they softly pressed together. The kiss was tender and sweet, soft, and absolutely perfect. Lingering against my lips, Edward pressed his lips to mine again, only this time more ardently.

"Now that I've kissed you, I don't know if I can stop," Edward said breathlessly.

"Then don't."

"I don't want to, but I know I should. I really like what is happening between us and I don't want to go too fast. I don't think that either one of us could handle that."

I sighed, but I knew he was right.

"Hey," he said, kissing me chastely. "I didn't say I was going to stop altogether."

He kissed me once again, deeply and emotionally. I knew in that moment that I was completely lost to him.

 **A/N: How cute was Edward showing up at Bella's door? Gah … sometimes I just want to hug the crap out of him. The next chapter will take us one step closer to hearing Bella's story.**

 **See you next week! Thanks again for reading and all the lovely reviews. =)**


	19. Chapter 19

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Nineteen

* * *

"Edward," I giggled. "I don't have enough ornaments for two trees!"

"So we'll go shopping for more ornaments."

"Edward …."

"Come on, beautiful. Shopping for ornaments isn't that big of a deal. Besides, you have two huge, bay windows – both of which will look fantastic with trees in them."

"Okay, okay. Tell me one thing, Edward … why is this so important to you?"

I watched as his face turned serious and his brows furrowed. It seemed as though our light hearted moments were gone.

"Because … because I haven't shared a Christmas with someone I've cared about in years. And … I think that you could probably use a happy memory of your first Christmas in this house."

"Oh, Edward," I cooed. "You are so sweet. Thank you for trying to give me something good to look back on. The last few years … they haven't been easy and I've done what I can to avoid the holidays, but since you … I want to be better."

Edward closed the short distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. Gently pressing his lips against my forehead he whispered, "I wasn't aware you were bad."

There were a few things that Edward couldn't see – my scars and imperfections, my shortcomings and my broken heart. Unbeknownst to him, my heart was something that was slowly starting to mend. Shopping for a tree with Edward was fun, even if he vetoed nearly every tree I chose. They were either too small or weren't full enough for him. Who knew a man could be so picky about a tree? Until we got home and had the trees set up, I couldn't understand what he was talking about. The trees were beautiful. After we finished putting on the last of the ornaments, Edward insisted I put on my coat and dragged me out in the cold to see the outside view. Snow was falling softly all around us and it felt like a scene out of a movie. The very thought of how picturesque it was made me think of Jared – he would have loved it. As I stared at the beautiful and seemingly warm home in front of me, I couldn't help but think how very empty and cold it truly was, and how desperately I wanted to change that. Tears escaped my eyes and trailed down my face. I struggled to wipe them away before Edward saw them.

Warm, strong arms wrapped around me and Edward's scent enveloped me.

"Why are you crying, Beautiful?"

"I miss my family," I admitted in a whisper.

"Tell me about them," Edward urged

I gasped, realizing that he somehow knew they were gone.

"Who told you?"

"Shh … beautiful, let's get you inside. No one told me anything, it's just something I'm curious about, okay?"

"But you know that they know." I eyed him accusingly.

"Who is they?" Edward asked confused.

"Your mom, Alice and Rosalie."

"Bella, I'm not surprised that you've confided in them. They would never betray you by telling me anything, nor would I want them to tell me. If you've got something to say, I want to hear it from you."

I suddenly felt relieved. I didn't think that Esme, Rose or Alice would betray my trust in them, but the reassurance was comforting.

Edward led me into the house and we sat down on the sofa facing the fireplace.

"Bella?" Edward asked softly.

"Please let me get through Christmas, Edward. My past is hard enough without adding a holiday into the mix."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Be here. Company and distractions are good."

"Distractions?"

"Mmmhmm. You can be very distracting, Edward."

"Yeah?"

I was doing my best to change the subject, and I didn't know if he'd let me off so easily – but he did.

A few days later, Edward and I had dinner with Emmett and Rosalie. They invited us over so that they could take a look at my portfolio. Dinner was good, but the conversation and company were better. Rosalie and Emmett had become so much more than my Realtor and Contractor – they'd become my friends and that was a title that included Edward. That night, I finally got a glimpse of what Rosalie was talking about. Edward was so different – instead of shying away from conversation, he initiated it. Instead of getting angry when Emmett made a colorful comment, Edward would give it right back to him with a mischievous look in his eyes. He was intelligent, funny, and completely charming. Over dessert, Emmett and Rosalie perused my portfolio. I knew Rosalie was sold when she saw the photos from my friend Kate's wedding. I pulled double-duty that day; maid of honor and principle photographer.

"Bella, these are gorgeous. I mean … some people would look at them and say, yeah they're good pictures but you managed to make them … more. I love this one of the groom … is he reading his vows?"

"Thanks, Rosalie. And no, Garrett wasn't reading his vows. Kate wrote him a little note telling him that there would be two people walking down the aisle to him and she included a picture of the sonogram. I wanted to capture his expression and I didn't trust anyone else to get the shot right, so I did it myself. Garrett loves Kate more than anything and to find out that she was carrying his child on their wedding day? I think it took six months after the honeymoon for him to come down from that high."

"Oh my gosh! I think that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard or seen. Bella, I want you to do our engagement and wedding photos. Think you'd mind pulling double duty again?"

"Of course, I will! I'd love to!"

"Yay! How soon can we set up the sitting for the engagement photos?"

"Depends on the location. Do you still want to do a location shoot?"

Rosalie nodded fervently.

"Aspen or Vail?"

"Do you have something in mind?"

"I do, actually. Edward's house in Aspen is gorgeous, but I think I'd have to bring in extra lighting for what I have in mind. So, in this case, I think Vail would be a good option. No offense, Edward."

"None taken, Beautiful. Will you let me tag along to help at least?"

"I'd love for you to help, Edward. Thank you."

"So Vail it is then?" Rosalie asked.

I nodded. "I'll call my friend tomorrow and let you know what I can work out."

"Yay! I'm really excited about the photos. I feel like the wedding is really on."

"And that my friends … is music to my ears. I've been waiting years for her to even set a date." Emmett grinned, his love apparent on his handsome face.

"How's the house coming?" I asked.

"The outside is done, the interior walls are all finished, but I still need to get the flooring in. I should be able to get to that this week. It won't be long before it's ready for my Rosie."

"And how are the wedding plans coming along?"

"Everything is falling into place. We're having the wedding and reception at the vineyard."

"That's going to be really nice."

"We think so," Rosalie grinned. "As long as the weather cooperates, of course."

"Are you sure that you won't mind being the photographer and a bridesmaid?"

"I'm honored, guys, I really am. If it's all right with you, I'd like to take care of the photographer who will do the ceremony. I have a friend in Denver who I've worked with several times and I'm sure that she'd be more than happy to help out."

"Thanks, Bella. That's a huge thing ticked off my list. You are a Godsend, girl!"

I laughed.

We called it a night not long after that conversation and Edward drove me home.

"I think you made their night, beautiful."

"I don't know if I'd go that far, but at least it's one less stress off their shoulders."

Edward nodded.

"So Vail, huh?"

"Yeah. You aren't upset are you?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Because we're not using your house for the photoshoot."

"That doesn't really matter to me. You've got to make Rosalie happy, Bella. I trust you to know what would suit her wants and needs."

"Even if it means that we're not using your house?"

"Even if it means that you're not using my house, Bella."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For understanding."

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I … I didn't know what to think, and I didn't want to assume …"

"Thank you for not thinking the worst of me."

"Edward," I said, gently taking his hand in mine, "I don't know that I could think badly of you. You've been nothing but sweet, honest and kind with me these last few weeks. I've enjoyed our time together. It feels good to spend time with someone who doesn't want to dwell on the past as a means of holding on."

A long silence passed between us as Edward pulled into my drive. He turned off the ignition and ran his hand through his hair.

"I hate to ask, but what are you so desperate to let go of, Bella? You say the word past like it's dirty."

"We all have regrets, Edward. Mine tear at my heart on a daily basis. I'd give anything … anything to change a single decision."

I tried my damnedest to hold in my sobs, but I failed horribly. I knew that I was walking a precarious line, and that I couldn't keep things from Edward much longer. He was getting too close – I was getting too close. I began to second guess myself and wondered if waiting until after the holidays was a mistake. Maybe I was being unreasonable in wanting to stick to a timeline.

"Bella, don't cry, beautiful. I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to understand."

"Understand what, Edward? My regret? My shame? Or the fact that when I find something good, I try and hold on to it with all I have because I know all too well that it can be taken from me in an instant? Is that what you want to understand?"

"Okay …." Edward drawled out. "I think we're done here for tonight. We're both tired and obviously a little punchy."

I felt awful and my sentiments to Edward reminded me that I could just as easily lose Edward because of my inability to tell him about myself.

Edward opened his door and got out of the truck, rounding the hood to open my door. He offered his hand and I gently took it – eager for the contact. He walked me to the front door and waited patiently as I fished in my purse for the keys. I finally pushed open the door and started to walk in, but Edward reached out and took my hand again.

"C'mere, beautiful. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Edward pulled me into his warm embrace and I wanted so badly to melt into him, but I couldn't bring myself to.

"Bella?" Edward asked, pulling away to look at me.

I wiped my tears from my face and stepped away from Edward toward the door.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I closed the door behind me and slowly exhaled. Learning against the door for support, my tears ran anew.

. . *.*. .

"Hey Rose, it's Bella. I wanted to let you know that I've made arrangements to use the house in Vail on the 27th. If that doesn't work for you, let me know. Give me a call when you get a chance to go over the details."

My phone call to Rosalie was only the second phone call I'd made to the outside world in days. I'd been avoiding everyone and everything. Edward called and left several messages, each one more apologetic and worried than the last. I hated the hurt and worry in his voice, but there wasn't much I could do when my own hurt consumed me the way it did.

I tried to finish decorating my house for the holiday, but the memory of shopping for trees with Edward stopped me in my tracks and made my heart ache even more. I missed him with a sickness. I missed his warm smile that made all the seemingly bad things go away. I needed to make things right with him, so I did the only thing I could think of – I called Emmett.

I'd never been to Edward's house before. Like me, he lived on a country road where houses were few and far between. It was late afternoon when I pulled into the drive, but I knew he was home because his garage was wide open and his truck was parked inside it. Taking a chance that Edward was in the house, I walked up the front steps and knocked on the door. A few minutes later, I heard footsteps and the lock clicked. Edward swung open the door and looked at me wide-eyed.

"Hi," I said shyly.

"Bella," Edward breathed. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I hope that I'm not interrupting anything."

"You're not interrupting anything and you don't have to apologize."

I nodded and a shiver ran down my spine.

"Jesus, you're freezing. Come on in, Bella."

I stepped inside and Edward closed the door behind me.

"Thank you," I murmured quietly.

"Everything okay?"

"Mmmhmm. I … I umm," I swallowed thickly, trying to gather my courage. "I wanted to see if you'd like to umm … ride up to Denver with me a in a couple of days."

"Denver?"

"Yeah, I need to make a trip there before Christmas and I don't want to go alone."

Edward ran his hands through his hair.

"I haven't seen or heard from you in over a week and you show up here wanting me to go with you to Denver? I don't know, Bella."

"I know I haven't been easy to deal with Edward, but I need to take this trip … for the both of us."

"Give me a good reason I should go with you."

"I need you to go to Denver with me for the same reason you needed me to stay with you in Aspen."

Edward groaned.

"When do you want to go?"

"Umm … the day after tomorrow?"

"All right." He sighed.

"Thank you, Edward."

"Don't thank me yet, Bella."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey no throwing things! Bella is still trying to deal with what she has to tell Edward, and she's trying to sort out her feelings for him, and like she mentioned – he's good and she wants to hang on to him and his goodness because she certainly needs it in her life. And Edward … he's completely justified in his frustration with Bella, but he knows she's worth it and that what she has to tell him could shatter her.**

 **Next week's chapter is the last one I have beta'd. So … if my beta and pre-readers don't get a chance to catch up … I may just do the best I can and post them anyway, because I hate to keep y'all waiting.**

 **Thank you, thank you for reading and leaving me the best reviews. I appreciate your kind words and support more than you know!**

 **Next week … Bella's confession! See you then!**


	20. Chapter 20

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-readers, Twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey Without them, this wouldn't be worth reading.

 **A/N: Is everyone strapped in? You might need tissues for this … See you at the bottom.**

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty

* * *

 _Bella_

After promising Edward that I would pick him up bright and early two days later, I quietly left his house. I understood that his cold shoulder toward me was due to my own actions and I deserved it.

With a heavy heart, I rose, showered and readied myself for the day. Pulling on my coat and grabbing my purse and keys, I stepped out my back door only to come face to face with Edward.

"Hi."

"Hi. Jesus, you scared me."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I was just on my way to get you."

"I uhh, I figured that it might be better if I drive. I don't know what kind of shape you'll be in later."

"You might be right."

Edward opened the door for me and I climbed into the cab of his truck.

We were both quiet on the way to Denver. Edward's eyes held fast to the highway and mine to the scenery passing us by.

"Where are we heading to?" Edward asked quietly.

I gave him directions and went back to the scenery. A few hours later, we stopped in front of the cemetery, and Edward looked over at me sadly.

"Don't … please, Edward."

He nodded and came around to open my door.

Edward followed me in silence as I led him through the gates of the cemetery to the far hill where the trees were the thickest. I went to Jared first.

Spreading out a small blanket, I sat next to my son's grave. I could see Edward's shadow behind me, and I figured that he was reading the headstone.

"This is your son?" Edward asked quietly.

"Mmm, Jared." I nodded.

"He was only five. God, Bella, I'm so sorry."

"I know, "I sniffled. "Edward, I didn't bring you here to get sympathy from you. I've gotten enough sympathy to last me a lifetime, I can assure you."

"I didn't think you did, Beautiful. I'm quite sure there's a method to your madness."

"Madness … that's a fitting word," I snorted.

We were quiet for a few moments and I decided it was now or never.

"I married Jared's dad, Paul when I was twenty. We were high school sweethearts, and I was sure that our love would last forever. I was young and naïve then. I thought I was in love, but the truth is that I didn't know what love was until Jared was born. Paul's problems started in high school and they only got worse once we went to college. I didn't want to acknowledge he had a problem until it was too late. Paul was an alcoholic. He'd come home from work drunk more often than not and I'd find myself home alone a lot with Jared. Sometimes, Paul was verbally abusive – he couldn't understand why the house was such a mess and why all the laundry hadn't been put away. Somethings are just hard to do when you have an infant that doesn't want to nap, ya know? Other times, Paul would pass out as soon as he hit the sofa or bed. When Paul got his second DUI, I knew I was done. I wanted more for myself and my son than a habitually drunk husband and father. Jared was fifteen months old when I filed for divorce. We moved in with my parents for a while after that until I got my feet back on solid ground. Between my parents and Kate, I would have lost it. They kept me sane and on track. Eventually, Jared and I moved into a little apartment on our own not far from my parent's house. We were good – figured out a routine that worked for us.

"Jared was the light in my day. I couldn't wait to come home to him. His little smile and his laugh … oh, God, it was the best sound next to 'I love you, momma'. Paul had no clue what he had given up, but I wanted him to know, and when he swore to me that he'd stop drinking, I wanted to believe him. The judge awarded me sole custody, but I agreed to allow Paul to have visitation. Jared was growing up and I didn't have the heart to take him away from his dad, ya know? I kept thinking about my own Daddy and how I'd thought he hung the moon and I wanted that for Jared too.

"One weekend, Paul was supposed to come get Jared, but he got stuck working later and I was at work too, so I asked my parents if they could take Jared to Paul. They'd do anything for me, so they packed him up and ran him down to Castle Rock to Paul's jobsite …. They never made it there," I sobbed.

"They were hit by a drunk driver who was three times over the legal limit, and he was speeding. They never had a chance. Daddy probably didn't even see him coming."

I wiped away at my tears.

"I buried my son and my parents on the same day," I sobbed. "I thought divorcing Paul was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but I was wrong … so wrong. Putting my family in the ground was infinitely harder. I didn't know how to breathe anymore. Getting out of bed and forcing myself to live when they couldn't just about killed me.

"For the longest time, I blamed Paul. His drinking had gotten us to that point – it had taken away our son. But then I realized that I was partly to blame too. Had I not made the decision to allow Paul to see Jared that weekend, he'd still be with me. I'd still have my parents. I killed them, Edward. With one stupid decision, I killed them."

Warm arms wrapped around me and soft lips pressed tenderly against my temple.

"Bella …" Edward spoke softly. "You didn't kill them – the drunk driver did. You tried to do what was best for your little boy. No one can fault you for that. Not even you."

"I miss him so much, Edward. Just when I think the pain of losing him is going away, it comes back full force like a huge gaping hole ripped out of my chest."

Edward stayed quiet for a while, never loosening his hold on me – which I was grateful for. We sat on a blanket in the cemetery for hours. I stayed curled in Edward's lap, softly sobbing into his shirt. I was just beginning to drift off when I heard his velvety voice.

"Hey, Pal. I'm Edward. I'm a friend of your mom's. She's extremely special to me, so I wanted you to know I'm doing my best to take care of her. I'll continue to do so for as long as she lets me. I'm not perfect, Pal, so I need your help – you need to look out for her too, okay?"

My mind was foggy and I knew when I woke up, I'd remember the conversation more clearly, but for the moment, it was melting my heart.

I don't know how long I slept. It was something I'd have to ask him about later, but when I woke up, we were sitting in the cab of his truck and his arms were still wrapped around me.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily.

"A little after two," Edward replied softly.

I looked around and realized that we were still parked at the cemetery, and I was grateful that Edward didn't just put me in the truck and leave.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."

"You don't need to apologize, Beautiful. You were exhausted physically and emotionally – it's perfectly understandable."

"Thank you for being here, Edward. I don't know why, but being here with Jared – made it easier to tell you about him and what happened."

"Jesus, Bella. I can't even imagine … what you went through – hell, what you're still going through. You've got to be one of the strongest people I know. I … I want to say that I feel like you did after I told you about Leah, but I don't know that it's the same. So for the sake of sounding like an insensitive asshole, can I just hold you? Tell me what you want, Beautiful."

"I want to go see my parents … will you come with me?"

"Lead the way, Beautiful."

We made our way over the hill again and I walked past Jared's grave without a second glance. I knew I'd break down again, but I'd save that for the way out. As I spread my blanket again, I realized why Edward had chosen to go back to his truck. The temperature had dropped and the increase in clouds assured me that a storm was well on its way.

Edward sat down carefully beside me, and pressed his lips to my shoulder.

"This … this is my Mama and Daddy. Charlie and Renee Swan. They were … the best parents a kid could ask for. They were the best grandparents a kid could ask for. Mama loved to play the piano and she was teaching Jared to play. My God, he loved his Nana, and Jared was my Dad's favorite fishing buddy. I miss them so much."

"It's okay to miss them, Bella."

"I know. I just wish it didn't hurt so much."

"It won't always hurt, Beautiful. Each day it'll get better.

I turned to look at Edward.

"Do you ever miss Leah?"

Edward sighed.

"Once I got past all the hurt, yeah. For a long time, I dreaded going to family dinners because everyone was paired off and happy. Those were the times I missed her, but as I looked around at my family, and what they'd found in their spouses … it made me realize that I'd never found that in Leah. How about you? Do you miss your ex?"

"I miss the way Paul and I were when we were dating and when we first got married. When things were good, they were really good. But … I don't miss the drunk I divorced."

"He didn't know what he was losing, Bella. That was all on him."

I sniffled and shivered all at once and Edward wrapped his arm around me once more.

"Let's get you someplace warm, Beautiful."

I nodded in agreement and silently said my goodbyes to my parents. We stopped again briefly by Jared's grave and I pressed my lips gently against the cold granite.

"Love you, Pal. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you like crazy. M … mm … Merry Christmas, baby."

I barely choked out the last few words as I fell to my knees and sobbed. I'd give anything to have my little boy back – if only to tell him that I loved him.

Edward gave me a moment before scooping me up in his arms and carried me to his truck. Once we were inside the cab and he had the heater cranked, Edward pulled me back into his arms and let me cry.

I woke as we pulled into my driveway. I roughly wiped my face in my hands and tried to wake up. We pulled to a stop and Edward looked over at me worriedly.

"I'll be okay, Edward. Thank you again for going with me today."

"You're welcome, Bella, but if you think that I'm going to leave you alone after today – you don't know me at all."

"You don't have to …"

"I know I don't, but I want to. Even if all I do is keep you company by being in the house."

"Thank you."

Somehow, Edward seemed to know exactly what I needed in the moment. I wanted the comfort of knowing that someone was there without them hovering.

I quietly led us into the house. Edward closed the door behind us and after hanging my coat in the closet, I was unsure what to do next.

Edward sighed and hesitantly stepped toward me. He reached out and ran his hands up and down my arms.

"Relax, Beautiful. Why don't you go get comfortable and I'll see if I can't find us something to eat."

"I'm not hungry, but please, help yourself, Edward."

"Bella … you need to eat."

"I know. Just … not now, okay? I think I'm going to lie down. Help yourself to whatever, okay?"

I slowly climbed the steps seeking solace and comfort in the privacy of my own room.

* * *

 **A/N: Bella finally laid everything out for Edward … pain and guilt were eating her alive making it even harder for her to tell her about her family. She didn't want him to see her weaknesses or her sorrow … can you blame her? Bella is still feeling very raw ….**

 **Y'all got an early update (Not that early, I know) because I really needed a break from British Literature and Physical Anthropology …. AND because I'm going to a 10** **th** **Anniversary of Twilight book signing tomorrow!**

 **There shouldn't be a lapse in posting next week, but I'm going to apologize ahead of time for any mistakes …. This is still the last beta'd chapter I have. My beta and pre-readers have the remainder of this story in their hot little hands and are working on it.**

 **See you next week!**


	21. Chapter 21

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-readers, Twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey without them – this wouldn't be worth reading.

 ****Just a warning … this chapter isn't beta'd … all mistakes are mine.****

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

 _Edward_

Bella looked exhausted and more than defeated as she quietly announced that she was going to lie down. And while I had everyone intention on coaxing her to eat something, I knew she needed rest.

For a woman who always seemed to be so full of life, Bella had never looked as small as she did sitting in front of her son's grave. My heart ached for her as she explained what happened to cause her son and parents deaths. No parent should have to bury their child and their parents on the same day.

I understood where Bella was at though – she was trying to hold herself together as her memories kicked her ass on a daily basis. Losing a wife who treated me as if I were nothing was inconsequential compared to Bella losing her own flesh and blood.

I watched warily as Bella ascended the stairs. Each step seeming heavier than the last. The click of her bedroom door snapped me out of my stupor. I checked around the kitchen and found the ingredients for Chicken Soup. I hummed to myself as I worked chopping vegetable and set the chicken to simmer. Once everything was cooking nicely, I decided to call my mom. I'd told her about Bella asking me to go to Denver when I spoke to her the night before and she asked me to call her when we got back.

"Hi, Sweetheart. How is Bella?"

"She's … resting. I hope, anyway. Today was pretty brutal on her."

"I can only imagine."

"Bella told me everything, Mom. About her son, her parents, and her ex-husband."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I know it wasn't the easiest thing to hear. When you took her home after Thanksgiving dinner, I cried into your father's chest for hours. I was completely heartbroken for her. Bella doesn't deserve any of it. Poor sweet, darling girl."

"Mom," I groaned.

"Are you staying with her? Tell me you didn't leave her alone."

"Of course I didn't leave her alone. She's in no shape to be by herself."

"Thank you, sweetheart. I'll call in the morning to see how she is."

We talked for a few more minutes before I disconnected the call. While the soup cooked, I putzed around the house. I decided to make sure that there was plenty of firewood. It turned out there wasn't much left and I cursed myself for not having checked it earlier. I started looking around Bella's property and found exactly what I needed. I found an axe in the shed, and set to work. Darkness had already set in, but with the help of the lights that Emmett insisted on, I didn't have any problems seeing what I was doing. With every swing of the axe, my mind and heart grew anxious. Satisfied that I had enough firewood for the night, I carried it into the house. The soup was still simmering, and I added in the noodles before going upstairs to check in on Bella.

She was curled up on the bed, facing away from the door. I could hear her quiet sobs as I stepped into the room.

"Bella?"

"Please don't come in here, Edward," She sniffled. "You don't need to see me like this."

"Bella, you've seen me at my worst. I'm not going to run at the sight of your tears. I didn't run earlier, did I? I know you're hurting and I want to be here for you."

"You deserve more, Edward. You deserve a family, Edward, and I don't think that I can give you that."

"Whoa, Beautiful. We have to learn to walk before we can run. We're going to have to learn to trust each other. I know we're working on it, but it's not going to happen overnight."

"But you deserve more, Edward. More than I can give."

"You don't know that, Bella," I said softly, kneeling beside her. "Let me decide what I deserve, okay?"

Bella squeezed her eyes shut and her tears poured down her face. I did my best to wipe them away, but my efforts were useless.

"Don't cry, Beautiful. Please? You're killin' me. What can I do for you, Bella?"

"G-g-go," She whispered. "Just g-go."

"You want me to leave?"

Bella nodded.

"I want to be alone."

"Fair enough. I made you some soup. Holler when you're ready for it and I'll bring it up."

"You don't have to do that, Edward. I'm not an invalid. Besides, I asked you to leave. I didn't mean for you to merely leave the room."

Bella's voice was as cold as ice, and I pulled away quickly. Her words stung.

"I didn't say you were an invalid, Bella. I wanted to do something for you, but since you want me to go – I'll go. Will you be all right by yourself?"

I couldn't help but worry about her.

"I'll be fine. I just need time and … space."

"Okay. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

"Thank you," she whispered. "Edward, I'm sorry for snapping. I know you're only trying to help. Today … sucked."

"I know it did, Beautiful. When you're ready, I'll be here."

I pressed my lips gently to her forehead and left her to herself. The minute I walked out the front door, I felt a pain in my chest. My heart ached at the thought of leaving Bella so defeated and heartbroken, but shy of bringing her son and parents back, there was nothing I could do.

* * *

 **A/N: A little shorter than usual, but I thought it would be important to check in on Edward's thoughts here …. Sorry this is a little later than usual … spent my day at the Vet's office again *sigh***

 **Thank you all for reading and your support for this story.**

 **See y'all next week!**


	22. Chapter 22

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 ****This chapter is not beta'd … all mistakes are mine.****

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Two

* * *

 _Bella_

I stood at the window and watched as Edward's taillights retreated down the drive. He didn't want to leave, but I didn't want him there. Well, I did, but I didn't.

The Edward that I'd come to know was incredibly sweet and funny. He was shy, but intelligent and soft spoken. Edward could be so easy to love – he was everything I wanted but could never have. When I told him that he deserved more, I wasn't exaggerating. Edward deserved to have a life full of happiness and love. I could love him, but I couldn't make him happy. For Edward, happiness included starting a family, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to have another child. When I lost Jared, I lost a part of me, and along with it, I lost the desire to give life to another child. I'd lost everything I loved and I couldn't bear to do it again, so I resolved to keep my distance and spare us both the heartache before we were past the point of no return.

I shuffled down the stairs and I could smell the soup that Edward had made, and I was suddenly ravenous. Every delicious bite made the guilt of sending Edward away more acute, but what else could I do? I cared enough about him to protect him from my shortcomings.

In the days leading up to Christmas, I worked on ads to promote my new studio. I was excited to get started on it, and Emmett promised me that the construction could start after New Year's. The day before Christmas, Esme called to see how I was. She asked if I wanted to come and join their family for the holiday.

"Esme … I wish I could," I lied. "I'm getting ready to go up to my friend Kate's for a couple days."

"Ahh … she's the one with the baby, right?"

"Yes. Makenna, she's four and Kate's pregnant with baby number two."

"Oh, sweetheart. If being with your friends is too hard on you, you can always come back here."

"Thank you for the offer, Esme. I appreciate it, but I really do need to spend the holiday with my goddaughter."

"All right, sweetheart. You be careful, and have a Merry Christmas. We'll see you when you get home. Love you."

"Love you too, Esme. Merry Christmas."

I hated lying to her, but I didn't see any other way. Kate had invited me for Christmas, but I politely declined, telling her that I'd been invited to spend the holiday with the Cullen's.

I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. I went to the store and bought a small turkey and ingredients for all the fixings. In order to keep my secret safe, I didn't return home until well after dark. I parked in the garage and shut the door. Once inside, I lit a kerosene lamp instead of turning on the lights. I knew that the Cullen's could come by to check on my house since they thought I wasn't home. Since it was Christmas Eve, I decided to bake cookies by candlelight. I carried on a family tradition baking cookies and drinking store bought eggnog. As I delicately piped the icing onto the cookies, I smiled, knowing that Jared would have loved it.

I set my alarm for 3 a.m., because I figured that would be a good time for me to turn on the tree lights without outing myself. I built a fire in the fireplace and sat back on the sofa sipping hot chocolate and admiring the tree lights. A pang of guilt washed through me as I thought about Edward and wished that he was there sharing that moment with me.

My heart was aching. It didn't matter that I wanted to push Edward away. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I had fallen for him. Sadly enough, I think it began the day he hit his head on my cabinet. As I struggled to remember, I heard banging on my front door.

"Shit," I said to myself.

I quickly pulled open the front door and found myself face to face with none other than Edward himself.

"You told my mom you were going to be gone," he gritted out.

He looked terrible and reeked of whiskey.

"Edward, it's three in the morning on Christmas. Maybe we can hash this out another time when you're sober."

"I'm fine, Bella. I've worried myself sick over you for the last few days, but I'm fine."

"You might be fine, Edward, but you're still drunk and you know how I feel about that."

"I wasn't expecting you to be here. A friend was driving me home, and I saw your lights on."

"I wasn't expecting you to be out and about at three a.m. on Christmas either, but here you are."

"And here you are," Edward frowned, placing his hand over his heart. "I wasn't expecting you in my life at all, yet here you are."

My stomach churned at the thought that Edward had a little bit of liquid courage in him and he was suddenly spilling things he wouldn't normally say otherwise. I had a feeling he wouldn't be too happy about it later, but I didn't know what else to do and I was too captivated by the turn in conversation to send him away.

I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself for warmth.

"Shit, Bella. You're cold. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to …."

"It's okay, Edward. You're …."

"Drunk," Edward giggled. "Are you terribly mad at me? 'Cause I'm really mad at you right now."

"I'm upset that you're drunk, yes. I didn't think you were a drinker."

"I didn't think you were a liar either, but you're here. I don't usually drink – maybe a beer with Dad, Em and Jazz on occasion, but for the most part, I hate alcohol. I don't like the way it makes me feel and I hate what it does to other people. Shit, I really shouldn't have said that."

"That's okay, Edward. I like that alcohol makes you talk. You're usually soft spoken and pretty tight lipped. You're hard to read. I mean most people – I can get a pretty good grasp on who they are deep down, but you … you're a closed door."

"I could say the same for you, Bella. I've been stewing on this shit since you sent me away the other night and then you told my mom you were going out of town for Christmas and I haven't heard from you since. I don't know what it is about you that draws me to … fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Edward seemed like the more he talked the more agitated he became. Not knowing his personality when he's drunk, I didn't know what to do because I didn't want him to become violent without anyone else around.

"It's okay, Edward," I said soothingly. I was just going to make myself a cup of tea, would you like one?"

"Tea?"

"Yeah, at this point, I need something calming."

"I can put a few more logs on the fire if you want while you make your tea."

"You don't have to, Edward. I can do it. Let me turn the water kettle on first."

I turned and walked into the kitchen, not realizing that Edward was following me.

He stopped in the doorway, and watched carefully as I moved around my kitchen.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" I asked again.

Edward nodded and I turned to grab a mug for him. I busied myself with making our tea for the next few minutes. I was relieved when I no longer felt Edward's presence behind me and a swift glance reassured me that he was in fact, gone.

I carried out mugs back into the family room and found Edward crouched in front of the fireplace, watching the flames.

"Here's your tea," I said softly.

Edward kept his eyes trained on the flames in front of him. His voice was small and soft when he finally spoke.

"Please be careful with fire, Bella."

Neither one of us was ready to admit we were already playing with it.

I eyed Edward carefully and watched as his eyes grew heavier and heavier as he leaned back on my sofa.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"You really didn't drive here?"

"Uh uhh. Alec dropped me off."

"Okay. I think you better try and sleep it off, handsome."

"'Kay."

His eyes slipped closed and I reached over to take his empty mug from his hands. I went to get a pillow and a couple of blankets from the guest room, and when I walked back into the family room, Edward had stretched out on the sofa. I gently lifted his head and slipped the pillow under it, and then spread the blankets out over him, taking care to tuck them around him. Softly kissing his forehead, I whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

I turned off the tree lights and make sure that the screen around the fireplace was secure and retreated to my room.

Hours later when I woke again, my room was bathed in muted light. A quick look out the window confirmed my suspicions – it was snowing. I opened my bedroom door and I didn't hear any movement downstairs, so I decided to take a shower and get ready for the day. Edward was still asleep when I came downstairs. I immediately went to the kitchen and began preparing for my meal. I was just pulling the turkey out of the sink when I heard Edward's soft voice.

"Hi."

"Hi," I smiled sadly, taking in his disheveled state. "You look like you've had better days."

"I have," he grimaced.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had something – you'll have to settle for coffee and ibuprofen."

"Coffee sounds great."

"Do you want some breakfast?"

"You don't have to go to all that trouble for me, Bella. I'm the one who showed up unannounced, drunk, and Lord knows what else. I was angry when I saw the tree lights on and smoke coming from the chimney, but that didn't give me the right to come barging in."

Edward entered the kitchen and sat down hard at the table. I cautiously followed, setting his coffee in front of him.

"I'm sorry I lied to your mom, Edward. I didn't want to have to explain that I wanted to be alone, because I know that she and Alice would have pushed me until I gave in. I lied to avoid the argument. I know that doesn't make it right, but I did what I thought I had to do."

"I can understand that, Bella. I know exactly how my mom and sister can be. Mom won't be angry when you tell her why you lied, but next time, she'll want you to put your foot down and be honest. Mom would never want to railroad you, Beautiful."

Edward's eyes were fixed on me, and when mine met them, they were wide and wary.

"Please don't push me away, Bella. I get the feeling that's what you want to do, but please don't."

"After the other day at the cemetery, I feel … raw, Edward. That's a new feeling for me … it's not numbness or misery – two things I feel on a near daily basis. I want to revel in it for a while, and I want to do it alone."

"But you don't have to be alone, Bella."

"I know. When I'm with you … all those feelings go away. It's like you're a temporary band-aid. When we're together, I'm not numb or miserable … I'm just … comfortable. I can't … I don't understand it."

"You're overthinking it, Bella."

"But what if it's a sign? What if …."

Edward reached over and placed his finger on my lips, effectively silencing my rambling.

"There will always be 'what ifs' in any situation, Bella. What does your heart want?"

I shook my head.

"You might not want to know the answer to that, Edward."

"I do."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to tell you," I said softly.

Edward's face fell and he grimaced.

"I guess I should get out of here and leave you to your solitude."

"How will you get home?"

"I'll call Jazz … he'll be more … discreet."

"Won't he be with Alice at your parent's?"

"No. He worked until seven. He won't head over to my parents until this afternoon."

"You want to call and wake him?"

"Again we need discretion or you'll have my mom and sister both here breathing down your neck, giving you grief."

"Don't wake him, Edward. I can take you to get your truck."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not, Edward. I'm offering and I won't take no for an answer."

"Thank you."

I drove Edward home in silence. When I pulled into his driveway, I sighed. I almost hated the thought of parting from him.

"I know, Beautiful," Edward sighed, as if he could hear the thoughts in my head.

He turned toward me and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"I understand your need to be alone, Bella, and I can respect it. I have to ask again – please don't push me away. I don't want to go – this thing- this feeling or band-aid or whatever you want to call it – I feel it too. I think it's what draws me to you."

"You shouldn't be drawn to me, Edward. I don't know that I'll ever be worth of your attention and affection."

Edward smiled sadly.

"I think you already are, Bella, but you have to be willing to allow me to shower you with attention and affection. I hope that you don't wallow too long so I can do just that."

On that note, Edward gently took my hand in his and kissed it sweetly before opening the door and exiting the car. I sat stunned as I watched Edward's retreating form.

The day that we spent cuddling in Edward's Aspen condo kept flashing through my head. Despite the heaviness in the air, it was one of the best days I'd had in a long time. I jumped out of my truck before Edward could close his front door.

"Edward!"

He turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Can you maybe come over when you're done at your parent's house?"

"Are you sure you'll be up for company?"

"I want to be … it's Christmas, Edward. I don't think I need to wallow in my misery all day, do you?"

"I don't think you need to wallow at all, Bella, but if it helps you in the end, I guess it's okay."

"You think I'm being ridiculous for needing time alone … that's okay … I'll just … see you later, Edward."

"Bella, wait," Edward said softly coming down the front steps. "That's not what I think. I understand your need to be alone, but there will be plenty of time for that … after Christmas. I … hate the thought of you sitting in that house all by yourself when you could spend the day with people who care about you."

"I … I can't face a happy family right now, Edward. It hurts way too much. It's okay if you don't want to come by later, I wouldn't blame you."

"Jesus, I'll come by, Bella, but you call me if you need me to come by sooner, okay?"

"Okay."

I waved shyly and ducked back into my truck.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you all for not lambasting Bella too badly last chapter. She's trying, but she's got to figure things out on her own. Thank goodness Edward's a patient man!**

 **Thank you for all the lovely reviews and kind words, and of course … thank you for reading.**

 **See y'all next week!**


	23. Chapter 23

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 ****This chapter is not beta'd … all mistakes are mine****

* * *

 **Learning to Live**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty Three**

* * *

 _Bella_

Losing myself in preparing my dinner for one helped to take my mind off of Edward and the empty chairs at my dining room table. I felt like I was reenacting a more adult version of the scene from Home Alone where Kevin prepares himself dinner and serves it on his mother's finest china and her best silver before saying a prayer and digging into his meal. Only my meal wasn't out of a box – I'd worked on it all day. I quietly said my prayer and looked down at the pattern on my mother's china. My fingers traced over the intricate pattern on the silver and I fondly remembered my mother spending an entire day polishing the silver and getting the china ready for Christmas dinner. I said another prayer of thanks for their presence in my life and ate my delicious dinner in silence. When I finished, I decided to save the pie to share with Edward even thought a part of me deep down either hoped or feared that he wouldn't come.

After adding a few logs to the fire, I sat down and stared at the lights on the tree. I remembered the day that Edward and I spent decorating it and it sent a pang of guilt through me – I missed him. The longer I stared, the more lost I became, but instead of being lost in memories past, I saw dreams of holidays to come. Rosalie and Emmett decorating a tree, his hand brushing across her protruding belly. Alice and Jasper sitting together quietly while going over plans for their new home. Carlisle and Esme were entertaining a beautiful little girl with big brown eyes and bronze curls while Edward gently cradled a little bundle of blue. I sat curled on the sofa watching them all with a smile.

"Bella?" Edward called to me. "I think he wants his mama."

"Bella?"

Edward's voice turned more concerned, and I realized that a warm, rough hand was gently shaking me.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Hmm? I'm … fine, Edward."

"Are you sure? I mean ... you didn't even hear me come in. I've been calling your name for several minutes and you were just staring into space."

I wasn't ready to tell Edward about the daydream quite yet, because I had to admit – I was a little rattled by it.

But … I wanted it … and I wanted it badly.

*.*.~.*.*

"How was your dinner?"

"It was good. Did you have dessert? I saved the pie I made in case you came over."

"What do you mean "in case"?"

"In case you didn't come … you know if you … changed your mind."

"If I had changed my mind, I would have called you, Bella."

I nodded.

"So … did you want to talk or did you just want company?"

"Maybe a little of both?"

"Fair enough. Why don't we talk over a slice of pie?"

I sliced the pie and poured two cups of coffee before joining Edward on the sofa.

"Did you have a good Christmas?" I asked curiously.

"When I wasn't pre-occupied thinking about you … yes, I did. That may not be what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth."

"Truth is good. I'd rather you not sugarcoat anything merely for my sake."

"Duly noted, but I could say the same for me, Bella. Sugarcoating isn't necessary."

I nodded and took a bite of my pie. The silence was heavy between us as we ate and I sighed heavily as I set my plate on the coffee table.

"I'm scared to get too close to you, Edward. After losing everyone I love, I'd hate to fall into something amazing with you only to lose you too. I couldn't handle that."

"Bella," Edward sighed. "I wish I could say that nothing is going to happen to me, but we both know that I can't promise that. Just know that I am not going to leave your life willingly. I think that we could find something amazing together but you have to be willing to take that chance with me, beautiful."

I looked up at Edward through teary eyes.

"Edward, I …."

Edward's finger pressed against my lips moments before his lips brushed against mine. An unspoken plea to stop my tears and take a chance on him. Edward's kiss was soft and sweet, and it took only a few seconds before my brain kicked in and I kissed him back. After that, my lips seemed to move on their own accord, recognizing the feel of Edward. My heard panged with the realization of how much I had missed him – the day that we spend curled up in the cabin wasn't enough and I needed more … I wanted more.

"Please, Bella," Edward murmured against my skin.

"Coercion isn't playing fair, Edward."

He pulled back suddenly and took my face in his hands.

"Tell me you don't want this and I won't say another word."

I couldn't say anything and Edward knew it, but the gentleman in him wanted confirmation.

"I want this, Edward, but I'm scared. I need to learn how not to be … I need to learn how to live again."

"Don't be scared, beautiful. Be careful, but don't be scared. We'll figure it out together, okay?"

"Okay."

Edward pulled me into his arms and gave me a comforting hug. I'd missed the feel of his arms around me and I was glad to have that feeling back again. I ran my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and relished the feeling of Edward surrounding me. It was a feeling like no other and I didn't want it to end.

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Absolutely, beautiful. Are you ready to head upstairs?"

"I'm not really tired, but I'm not opposed to putting in a movie or something and doing a little more snuggling."

"You're not tired? Even after I kept you up so long and you spent all day cooking?"

"I may have snuck in a nap," I giggled.

"Lucky you," Edward grinned. "I didn't have that luxury. After you dropped me off, I took a shower and went to my parents. They were waiting for me to get there," he yawned.

"Aww, poor baby. Let's skip the movie then, shall we?"

Edward nodded.

"How about you go on upstairs and I'll take care of these dishes?"

"Edward, you don't have to do that."

"I know. Go on and get ready for bed. I'll be up in a minute."

I felt bad for leaving him to clean up our mess, but I understood it was his way of giving us both some space and giving me the opportunity to change my mind.

I kissed him chastely and murmured my thanks before ascending the stairs. I struggled my way through my night routine and I constantly had to remind myself to breathe. I wasn't second guessing my decision. But I was anxious about it. I felt like a teenager again – only in reality, I was a middle-aged, fumbling woman who had forgotten what it was like to be with a man.

When I slipped back into my bedroom, my anxiousness faded away. Edward was sitting in my bed wearing only a t-shirt and boxer shorts. He was leaning against the headboard with his feet crossed and his eyes closed. He'd built a fire in my absence, and the glow of the fire danced across his skin, casting shadows where his long lashes lay across his cheeks. He was so handsome and looked incredibly peaceful as he rested. I admired him for a moment before pushing a stray hair from his forehead.

"Are you done gawking?" Edward grinned crookedly.

"I wasn't gawking," I protested.

"No? What would you call it then?"

"I was admiring … you looked so peaceful."

"Aren't gawking and admiring the same thing?"

"No," I giggled. "When you gawk, you aren't necessarily respecting what you're looking at. When you admire something … you do."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you comfortable?"

"I will be. Come here, beautiful."

I willingly crawled across the bed and into Edward's waiting arms. He held me for a few minutes before we slipped down under the covers and kissed like reunited lovers. Warm hands caressed my back and slid down the curve of my backside, only to slip under the hem of my shirt and work their way back up. My own hands explored the muscular plains of Edward's chest. He was dips and valleys of solid muscle. Tangible proof that he would be my rock if I needed him to be. As my travelling finger neared his marred skin, Edward flinched and pulled away, taking my hand in his.

"Umm … no one has touched me there before … well, you know … except doctors."

"I … I won't hurt you."

"I know that, beautiful, but you don't know what that feels like for me. It doesn't hurt, but some areas are very sensitive and some are just … numb."

"Do you trust me?" I asked, looking up at him through my lashes.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Close your eyes."

I watched Edward carefully as he followed my request.

"Breathe, handsome."

Edward inhaled and slowly exhaled. I watched his face for any signs of distress. When I found none. I took the hem of his t-shirt and pushed it up slowly, careful not to touch his sensitive skin.

"Shh … you're okay."

When he relaxed again, I moved up his chest a bit more and instead of touching him, I pressed my lips to his puckered flesh. Over and over, I kissed his skin – my intent was to convey to him that I didn't care how he looked.

"Bella," he whimpered. "Stop … please."

I froze and looked up to see tears streaming down his face.

"Edward," I said softly as I crawled up the bed. I lay down next to him and caressed his sweet face, wiping his tears as I went.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, you didn't upset me, Bella." Edward said, turning to face me.

"What you just did, Bella … it was … incredible … and brave. I can't imagine it was easy because it's so ugly, but you did it anyway, and I haven't felt so … cherished in a long time."

"But it was so easy, and you _are_ cherished, Edward. I wanted you to know that I don't care about your scars. They mean that you're here and I'm more than okay with that."

"Thank you, beautiful. That means a lot to me."

Edward's lips descended on mine once again and I was lost to him. A little more intense than before, because this time, Edward didn't flinch at my touch.

"I want you so bad, Bella," Edward breathed as he pulled away.

"Then why are you stopping?"

"Because I don't want to rush this, Bella. I don't want to screw this up. I want it too much. I want _you_ too much."

I snuggled close to Edward again and laid my head on his chest.

"I want you, too." I whispered.

I felt his lips press against my head as he wrapped his arms around me.

* * *

 **A/N: Whew … a LOT of mixed reviews about the last chapter – totally understandable. Poor Bella's so confused she didn't even trust herself. But then again, Edward was like that too at one point and that's probably why he's been so patient with her. They're getting better together – even if they had a rough start.**

 **Thanks for reading and leaving me reviews! I read each and every one of them even if I don't have the time to reply!**

 **See y'all next week!**


	24. Chapter 24

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry this is late ... it's been a BUSY week ... my professors must have gotten together and decided that they all need term papers due on the same damn day. *sigh*. But better late than never right?**

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Four

* * *

Two days after Christmas, we headed to my friend's house in Vail to shoot Emmett and Rosalie's engagement photos. Edward rode with me while Rose and Emmett drove separately. They were planning on spending a few days in Vail – a much needed vacation.

"Bella … you were right, this place is incredible," Rose gushed.

"I'm glad you like it. You two do what you need to do and we'll get started."

Edward helped me bring in my equipment and helped me get it all set up. When Rosalie and Emmett stepped out of the bedroom they were using as a dressing room, we were ready to roll.

I took hundreds of shots, knowing that I'd upload and develop them and sift out the best ones. By the time Edward and I climbed into my truck, we were both exhausted and ready to go home to relax.

Edward offered to drive because I was so fried. While photography isn't necessarily taxing physically, the mental creative part is what left me feeling drained. It merely meant that I'd had a good day. Rose and Emmett were great to work with and were open to my ideas and suggestions. In the end, I felt they'd be happy with the results. I was going over various parts of session in my mind when I realized Edward was speaking to me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. What did you say?"

Edward chuckled.

"I asked if you had ever given any thought to getting married again."

"Married? Well, yeah, I guess. What made you think about that?"

"I dunno, I guess it's because I spent all day with my brother and his fiancée and he's blissfully happy. I guess I've never really paid attention to them before, but they're really happy together and I guess I miss that feeling."

"Oh. They do make an adorable couple. Before you know it, they'll have adorable babies."

"Yeah … maybe. But seriously … you think about getting married again?"

"Yeah … I guess. I mean, when Paul and I separated, dating wasn't even on my agenda. By the time we finally divorced, I was convinced that no one would want to date a single mom. And until a few days ago, I felt like I wasn't worthy of finding love again because I can't seem to keep a hold on anything good. But now … maybe …. How about you?"

"Yeah, I definitely want to be married again, but I want everything my last marriage was missing. Maybe that's asking too much or having grandiose expectations but I want the next time to be the last time, you know?"

I nodded.

"I don't think that's asking too much at all, Edward. I want the same thing. If that makes me greedy, so be it."

"I agree. I made a lot of sacrifices last time – I alienated myself from my family. I won't do that again."

"You shouldn't have to. Your family is so wonderful, Edward. You are so blessed to have them in your life. Love them and hold on to them."

"Hey," Edward said softly, looking over at me. "They're not the only ones I want to hold on to."

I nodded and turned to look out the window.

"Would you ever want to have more kids if you found that person to marry?"

I looked over at Edward and scowled.

"What's with the questions? Is it really because of Emmett and Rosalie? After the day at the cemetery, I thought my feelings on that subject were pretty clear."

"Easy there, Killer. I didn't want to go into this blind – not knowing how you felt. I know how I feel and what I want, and I thought …."

"If my feelings and what I want didn't match up to yours, you'd cut your losses. I get it and I don't blame you. I'd do the same thing."

"No, Bella. I wouldn't cut my losses. Not yet. I'd wait it out and see if my feelings and desires change. Maybe I'd decide that I don't want kids or maybe you'd decide that you do. Who knows."

"I know. I can't do it, Edward. I couldn't have another child only to lose them too. I won't do it."

"Bella … that's your fear talking. Don't allow your fear to control your life. You were an amazing Mom to Jared and I think you have more grace within you to give. You have to believe that."

"You know what I believe?" I asked. "I believe that I made one wrong decision and I'll pay for it for the rest of my life. So that grace you seem to think I have inside? I need it just to get through every fucking day."

As I finished my rant, Edward had pulled into my garage.

"Bella …."

"No. I'm done. I need some space."

"Damn it, Bella. Don't run away from me – every time shit gets real – you run."

"Because I don't want to talk about it, Edward! It hurts!" I sobbed.

"I know it does, baby." Edward murmured, pulling me into his arms. "But avoiding it won't make it go away."

I nodded but didn't pull away from his embrace. I let him hold me for a little while longer – until I got too cold to stay outside any longer. When I started to shiver, he pulled away.

"Let's get this stuff unloaded and get you inside."

By the time Edward and I brought everything inside, I was really exhausted.

"Do you want to order some dinner?"

"No," I shook my head. "After a good shoot, I kind of retreat into myself … I lose myself in my work, and I won't come up for air until I finish editing."

"Have you always worked like that?"

"Yeah … but it got worse after Jared died. I had a hard time finding beauty in anything for a while. Anyway, I wanted you to know so you don't think I'm ignoring you."

"Fair enough. I'll get out of your hair then."

He kissed my cheek and ghosted his finger down the opposite side.

"Call me," Edward whispered.

"Of course," I smiled.

I waved as he pulled out of the drive and into the night.

The next day, I was uploading from my digital camera when my phone rang. I'd gotten a late start because I was up late developing what I took on my film camera. While digital was more convenient, there was something about film and developing it myself that I absolutely loved.

"Hello?" I answered blindly.

"Bell? Hey, it's Garrett."

"Hey, Gare! How are you? Is everything all right with Kate and Makenna?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're fine. I'm fine. I'm calling because I'm in town on business and I thought I'd come by and see you."

I laughed.

"In other words, Kate asked you to come by and check on me."

"Bella … she hasn't seen you in months and you two don't talk as often either. Katie's worried about you."

"I know. I've been a bad friend. I've been working on the house and working on my portfolio … I'm opening a new studio after the first of the year."

"A studio? Bella, that's fantastic! Good for you!"

"Thanks, Gare. So if you want to come by, I'm here. I'll make you dinner."

"Sounds good – we'll catch up over dinner and maybe we can FaceTime with Kate and the baby. God, she's getting so big."

"I bet. I'll see you in a little while then."

I sighed and stood up from my desk, stretching out all the kinks in my back, before wandering into the kitchen to figure out what to make. Garrett arrived an hour and a half later. We chatted over spaghetti, garlic bread, and a bottle of wine. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed Garrett's company, but it reminded me of how much I missed Kate and our dinner dates. Kate and Garrett were never huge fans of Paul, but they tolerated him for my sake.

They were there for me when I filed for divorce and after when it was finalized. Kate was absolutely my rock when Jared and my parents died. She went above and beyond the call of friendship – after all, she was still a newlywed herself with a baby on the way. It was after Makenna was born that I started to pull away – it hurt to see her with her baby when mine was gone forever. For the most part Kate understood and thought I'd get past it, but then I moved and that wasn't at all what she expected. We'd spoken a few times since my move to Palisade, and every time I promised to call her more frequently, I never did.

"You fit here in this house, Bella. It suits you. I hate the thought of you here alone and so does Kate, but it is what it is. Are you happy here?" Garrett asked.

"I'm getting there, Garrett. I met a guy who is unendingly patient and kind. He treats me well. His family lives not far from here and they are amazing. They've all been a huge help since I moved here."

"That's great, Bella. What does he do?"

"He's a jack of all trades, sort of. He's a CPA, and does the books for his parent's winery, and he does construction and cabinetry work for his brother's construction company. They're the ones who did all the work on this house."

"Well, it looks amazing, Bella. I'll have to bring Kate down when I come for my second interview."

"Second interview?" I asked.

"Yeah, I interviewed for a position within my company, but the job is here in Grand Junction."

"So you guys will move?"

"Yeah, if I get the job. It's more money and Kate will be closer to you. She really misses you, Bell."

"I know, and I miss her too. It just hurt before, but it's getting better now."

"Kate knows that and she understands."

"I know, but I shouldn't have tried to cut her out of my life like I did just because it made me feel better."

"That's between the two of you, Bella."

I nodded.

"I saw Paul the other day. He asked about you. He doesn't know where you moved to because he asked if I knew."

"No," I said shaking my head. "I didn't tell him. I don't think he needs to know. We have no reason to talk anymore."

"I know I don't need to remind you, but you guys created a child together, Bell. Hell, I don't even like the guy, but I feel bad for him. He looked like hell. I'm pretty sure he's hurting as much as you are."

"I know that, Gare. He tried to call me a couple times and then I saw him at the cemetery. There are no third chances – it's not going to happen. I think I fell out of love with Paul as fast as I fell in love with him."

"I don't blame you, Bell. Now that Kate and I have Makenna and the new one on the way, it gives you a different perspective. It's tragic that Paul never changed once Jared came along."

"Paul was always about himself, but I realized that too late. Love wasn't enough, Jared wasn't enough – _I_ wasn't enough."

"You were too good for him, Bell, and you know it."

"I know that now, Gare, but I didn't see it then."

"So … this new guy … he's good to you and he's got a great family, but how much does he know about you?"

"He knows everything …."

"And he's good with it? I mean … you carry a lot of unnecessary guilt, Bell. I'm saying that because that can be a bit much to take – that guilt has the capability to crush you and destroy any relationship you try to have."

"I know, Gare. I'm trying to be better because this guilt is killing me. Edward – he's trying to get it through my thick skull that I feel guilt for something I had no control over. He would know because he's got his own demons."

"Oh, Bell. Don't get caught up in his issues just to mask the pain of your own."

"It's not like that with Edward, Gare. He's dealt with the worst part, now he's doing his best to deal with left over fears."

"The way you say that makes it sound pretty serious."

"His fears are valid, Gare, but please don't judge him until you meet him."

"Okay, okay." Garrett smiled, holding his hands up in surrender. "Dinner was delicious as always, Bell."

"Thanks. Sometimes it's nice to cook for someone other than yourself."

We cleaned up and refilled our wine glasses and moved into the living room. We sat and talked more – about the trees that Edward insisted on, Makenna and all her little idiosyncrasies, and Kate's pregnancy.

We hadn't realized how quickly time had gone by and before we knew it, it was close to midnight.

"Jesus, I'll be lucky if I can find a place to stay now."

"You don't already have a room or reservations somewhere?"

"No, I figured I'd cut out of here early and find a place close by."

"Well, don't worry about it – you can stay here. I've got two guest rooms."

"I don't want to impose on you, Bell."

"No, no … you're fine, Garrett. I've really enjoyed tonight. Except for the fact that Kate's not here, it feels like old times and for the first time in a long time, the memories don't hurt."

"Thank you. I've enjoyed tonight too – I'll be happy to tell Kate how well you're doing."

"So I get a good report card?" I laughed as I led him up the stairs to the guest rooms.

"Yes, excellent," Garrett laughed.

I laid out some fresh towels and pulled an extra blanket from the closet.

"Holler if you need anything."

"Thanks again, Bell. Good night."

"Night."

I slipped into bed that night feeling better than I'd felt in a while. It wasn't a feeling of numbness, despair, pain or sadness. Talking with Garrett felt good, and after telling him about Edward, for the first time since I lost my son, I felt … hope.

* * *

 **A/N: Bella's seriously trying, but sometimes still wants to push Edward away. Edward's finally pushing back and isn't letting her. =) I think Bella needed the evening with Garrett - he gave her a little perspective and I think a bit of much needed good advice.**

 **As ever, thank you for reading.**

 **See you next week! (Hopefully Monday, if I don't forget lol - it's already uploaded to ffn.)**


	25. Chapter 25

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Five

* * *

 _Edward_

As I pulled out of Bella's driveway after coming back from the photo shoot, I wanted to feel hopeful about things between myself and Bella, but I had a niggling feeling of doubt and I couldn't help but worry.

Bella wouldn't want me to worry so I went home and sat down at my piano. I closed my eyes and played – something I never did when I was with Leah.

The next morning, my mom called and she wanted to know if I'd spoken to Bella.

"I haven't heard from her today, Mom."

"Oh. Do you know if she has any plans for New Year's?"

"No, I don't."

I wished that I could have said yes. I wanted Bella to be with me on New Year's. We could start the New Year out together.

"Well, if you talk to her, please let her know that we're having a little get together and we'd love for her to come."

"Why don't you just call her yourself, Mom?"

"Because I thought I'd give you an excuse to call her, Edward. She's been holed up in that house long enough, don't you think?"

"What do you mean?"

"Honey … I am well aware that Bella didn't go anywhere for Christmas. I'm not angry … I understand that Bella is a private person, but I'm also aware that you care for her and I think that's huge, sweetheart."

"It is. I really care for her, Mom. I want to give her the attention and affection her idiot ex-husband couldn't give her."

"Edward, honey, I adore Bella, you know that, but I don't want you to set yourself up for rejection if she's not ready for a relationship. Bella's hurting, honey, and you are not the end all cure all."

"I know that, Mom. I don't want to be her end all cure all, but I do want to be there for her."

"I'm happy that you've found someone worthy of your trust and love, Edward. If Bella brings you happiness, I can't ask for more."

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Say hello to Bella for me."

All day my mother's words repeated in my head.

 _You are not her end all cure all._

I was being honest when I said I didn't want to be. I wanted to help Bella, but reflecting on our conversations over the past few days, maybe it would help her to see someone – a professional. I remember how long it took me to admit that I needed help. I could offer Bella the name of my therapist, but after that, it would be up to her. The only thing was … how to bring it up to her.

I tried to imagine Bella and what she was doing at that moment. She had told me that she tends to lose herself in her work and I wondered if she remembered to take care of herself … if she'd eaten. Maybe I could take her dinner … yes, dinner.

I packed everything carefully into a thermal bag and carried it out to my truck. I smiled to myself knowing that Bella would be well fed and it was the perfect way to look in on her.

When I pulled into her drive, I noticed that the lights were on in the family room and there was a strange black sedan parked behind her truck. The lights were on in the breakfast nook and Bella was sitting there with her hand wrapped around a wine glass, laughing. Across from her sat a blond guy wearing a shirt and tie. He was laughing as well and I stepped back into the shadows – unable to take my eyes off the scene before me. Who was this guy? Surely, it couldn't be Paul? Whoever he was, he had Bella fully engaged in conversation. She looked happy. Why did she tell me that she was interested in something more with me then have another man over for dinner three days later? Even the thought of Bella with another man ….

I climbed back into my truck, tucking my tail between my legs and drove home. All night long, I thought about Bella and the mystery man, and the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

Bright and early the next morning, I was on my way back to Bella's. The black sedan was still sitting in the driveway.

I banged my fist of the front door before I heard Bella's familiar voice call out, "Coming!"

"Edward?" Bella asked, surprised after swinging the door open.

Her smile was vibrant and beautiful, like she was truly happy to see me. However, her face fell quickly.

"Edward … what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I laughed humorlessly.

"Bell … is that coffee I smell?" Mystery man asked as he came down the stairs.

He was tucking in his shirt as he walked.

"Oh, I didn't hear the doorbell."

"That's okay, Gare. Coffee's in the kitchen and the mugs are on the counter."

Bella turned back to me.

"Edward?"

"Who is he?" I gritted out.

"Garrett? He's my friend Kate's husband and a good friend of mine."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes … wasn't that convenient. But surely Bella wasn't the type to have an affair … was she?

"Edward, come on in. Its freezing and I want you to meet Garrett. This isn't what it looks like."

"How do you know what it looks like? I saw you, Bella."

"Saw what? Were you checking up on me?"

"I saw you having dinner last night, Bella. I thought I'd do something nice for you and surprise you with dinner, but when I got here … you were laughing and happily chatting away."

"You're jealous?"

"Bella … how am I supposed to feel when you tell me you like to be alone to work on your photos, and then I try to surprise you and I find you sharing a meal with another man?"

"Oh, Edward," Bella sighed. "Please don't be upset. All you saw was me having dinner with a friend. It's the first time that I was able to reminisce without bawling."

"Bell?" Garrett asked. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, Gare. I want you to meet Edward."

Garrett stepped into the foyer and offered me his hand. My first instinct was to back away, but instead, I stepped forward and shook his hand firmly.

Bella gasped beside me.

Garrett and I exchanged pleasantries and Bella offered me a cup of coffee. I followed Bella into the kitchen and took a seat at the table.

"How are the photos coming along?" I asked.

"Photos? You're working already?" Garrett asked smiling.

"Oh, yeah. I did a shoot for Edward's brother's engagement a few days ago. I was working on uploading and developing some of the pictures when you called me yesterday. I didn't get all the film developed, but I finished uploading what I took on digital. I think I got some great stuff."

"That's great, Bell. Katie will be happy to hear about that. Speaking of Katie … I better get going. We've got a doctor appointment this afternoon that I don't want to miss. Edward, it was nice meeting you."

Garrett offered his hand again and slung his bag over his shoulder.

"Good meeting you too, Garrett," I replied.

"Take care of her, will ya?"

I nodded.

Bella refilled my coffee.

"I'm just going to walk him out and I'll be right back."

I watched as Bella pulled on her coat and scarf and then stepped outside. Why was I so irrationally jealous about Garrett? Bella was obviously excited to introduce me to him and it couldn't have been easy for her – her past and hopefully future colliding.

"Are you still angry with me?" Bella asked softly, breaking me from my thoughts. "Garrett had a job interview in Grand Junction yesterday. He's hoping to get the job so he can move Kate and the kids closer to me. Kate asked him to come and check on me. I haven't been a very good friend, but after talking to Garrett last night, I realized that I was okay. Talking about the past still hurts, but it's tolerable."

"It will be good for you to have your friends back."

"Mmmhmm … but the most important question is … will I have you?"

"Do you still want me?"

Bella nodded. "Jealousy and all."

"What are you doing New Year's Eve?" I asked, nuzzling Bella's freshly washed hair.

After Garrett left, we talked for a while and Bella explained to me why she was so calm about everything.

"I know that you have trust issues, handsome. I understand why you were angry. I wanted to be angry when I thought that you were checking up on me, but when you told me you brought me dinner – I felt terrible. I'm so sorry that you went to all that trouble for nothing, Edward."

"You looked so happy. I wanted to be the one making you laugh and smile like that."

"Oh, Edward … there's plenty of time for that, handsome."

"Good. How can I make it up to you for barging in there like an ass this morning?"

"Hmm … well, you can start by making me breakfast," she grinned.

Bella showered while I made a stack of pancakes and fried some bacon. She came downstairs looking beautiful and refreshed.

"Edward, this looks delicious."

We ate in comfortable silence and when we finished, Bella insisted that we leave the dishes for later.

"Don't you have to work today?"

"Yes, but I'm not really on a schedule. I have to go over the payroll for the winery. Why?"

"Well, I …"

"Are you anxious to get back to work on Em and Rose's photos?"

"Not especially. I'd rather spend the day with you."

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Well, how can I say no to that?"

Bella put in a movie and settled in on the sofa next to me. I inhaled the sweet, clean scent of her shampoo. I couldn't help but bury my nose into the sensitive spot behind her ear.

She shivered in my arms.

"Cold?" I asked, knowing full well that the temperature had nothing to do with her pebbled flesh.

"No," She whispered.

Shyly Bella looked up at me through her full lashes and I softly pressed my lips to hers. I loved kissing her, I loved the satin smooth feel of her skin, and I loved her sweet, clean scent. I could easily find myself lost in her and it wouldn't have been the first time, and I knew it wouldn't be the last.

We kissed like love-sick teenagers, needy and desperate – until I realized that wasn't how I wanted to be with her. I want soft and slow, unrushed and imperfect – so that's what I gave her as we explored each other. Bella caught on quickly to the change of pace and seemed to relax further into me. Her touch across my scars simultaneously sent sparks to my heart and my groin. Bella's hands stopped when she brushed across the waistband of my jeans. The movie was long forgotten as she faced me on the sofa.

Bella huffed a sigh and I looked at her in question.

"Too much?" I asked.

Bella nodded slowly.

"No … ugh! It's not, but it is and I know that makes absolutely no sense."

"Bella," I chided. "It makes perfect sense. Come here."

I pulled her petite form onto my lap.

"It's just me, Bella. There is no pressure here, whatsoever."

"Yeah, but I thought you said you wanted me?"

"I do want you, Bella, but I want you to be comfortable in the moment."

Bella laid her head on my chest and snuggled into me.

"Mmm … I'm comfortable now."

I wrapped my arms around her and gently kissed her forehead. I was happy to have her there for as long as she wanted to stay.

* * *

 **A/N: You're getting this a little early because I'm neck deep in term papers and quizzes and I desperately needed a break. Also ... I won't be around tomorrow because I'm heading to the Hunger Games Mockingjay Premiere ;) I think you all should be proud of Bella for staying so even tempered - I don't know that I would have been, but then again, he did make her dinner. I think that her chat with Garrett helped her a lot - she is feeling less guilty and a lot more centered. She's slowly getting back to the even tempered Bella she was before her son and parents died.**

 **As ever, thank you for reading and the lovely reviews!**

 **See you next week! =)**


	26. Chapter 26

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Six

* * *

 _Bella_

The last thing I remembered was laying my head on Edward's chest and telling him that I was comfortable – and I was.

I woke up and Edward and I were lying side by side on the sofa. Edward's arms were wrapped tightly around me as I was sandwiched between him and the back of the sofa. Edward was still sleeping, his dark lashes fanned across his cheeks. He looked like an angel and made my heart hurt he was so beautiful. I wanted to love him and I wanted to be worthy of his love in return.

"Hey," Edward said in a soft, gravelly voice.

"Hey," I replied, kissing him softly.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Yeah … really nice. Sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to pass out on you like that. You were so warm and comfortable."

"It's okay, Bella. I was happy to be here with you in my arms."

I sighed and snuggled into him once again.

"As much as I'd like to lay with you here all day, beautiful, I really should go work for a couple of hours."

I wanted to pout, but I knew I was already being greedy with his time.

"Bella … if you want me to come by when I'm done, I will."

"You will?"

Edward nodded.

"Okay. Can I make you dinner?"

"Absolutely. How about I bring back some wine?"

"'Kay."

Edward unfolded himself and rose from the sofa. He held out his hand and pulled me up into his arms.

"You could always come with me, you know. I'm sure my mom would love to see you."

I kind of liked the idea. Getting out of the house even for a little while sounded like heaven.

"That sounds great, Edward, but I should probably clean up after breakfast."

"Don't let a few dishes scare you off, beautiful. Come on, we'll clean up together then we'll go."

Esme was pleasantly surprised when I walked into her home with Edward's hand gently clasped in mine.

"Bella! How good it is to see you, sweetheart. How are you?"

"I'm well, Esme. Thank you. How are you? Did you have a nice Christmas?"

Esme was about to answer when Edward interrupted.

"Sorry, ladies, but I should probably get to work."

Edward kissed Esme on the cheek before kissing my lips softly.

Esme smiled and told Edward he could find his dad in his office.

"You two seem pretty happy," Esme grinned.

"We're trying."

"That's great, sweetheart. Bella, I don't mean to be nosy, but have you ever thought about seeing someone to help you with your grief?"

"Honestly, no. I mean, I haven't given the idea any serious thought. I think that's because until recently, it's been too painful. But since I've told both you and Edward about Jared and my parents, maybe it's time that I think seriously about it."

"I think it may do you some good now, sweetheart."

I nodded and no more was said on the subject.

Esme ushered me into the kitchen where she made a quick tray of snacks and offered me something to drink. We chatted about Christmas and I admitted that I lied to her. Esme was far too gracious about it, telling me that she understood, but wanted me to be honest with her in the future. I promised her that I would and the conversation moved on to the photo shoot and about the visit from Garrett. I explained about the upset earlier that morning and Esme sighed.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so glad that you were so calm about it all. It could have gone very bad very quickly. I love my son, but he shouldn't have gone in there with his guns a blazin' so to speak."

"It could have, but when he told me that he made dinner for me, I felt terrible. He looked heartbroken, Esme. I just told myself that I did that, I put that look on his face and I needed to fix it."

"He cares about you, sweetheart. His feelings for you – I think – are different than the feelings he had for Leah, and I don't think he knows what to do with them."

"What do you mean?"

"Edward is more intense with you. He's sweet and gentle, but he looks like he'd jump in front of a bullet for you. He's always been my romantic child … I suppose that's my fault, but he never showed that side of himself with Leah and now he'd finding that he can be that way with you."

"He should be able to be himself."

Esme nodded and looked over at the clock. Several hours had passed by and we had yet to hear from the men.

"I'd love it if you two stayed for dinner," Esme smiled sweetly.

"That would be really nice, Esme. You don't think it would upset Edward, do you?"

"No, but you can go ask him, sweetheart."

Esme told me where I could find Carlisle's office, and sent me to inquire about our dinner plans. I knocked on the door after confirming I had the right one – I could hear Edward and Carlisle chatting.

"Come in," Carlisle's soft voice carried into the hall.

I cracked the door open and peered in.

"Bella, hello, sweetheart. Come on in. Edward and I are nearly finished here."

"Oh, I don't mean to interrupt, but Esme invited us to stay for dinner, and I wanted to make sure it was okay with Edward."

Carlisle excused himself, leaving Edward and I to ourselves.

"Come here, beautiful," Edward beckoned as soon as Carlisle had left the room.

Edward pulled me onto his lap and into his arms.

"Are you okay? Sorry this is taking longer than I anticipated."

"I'm fine. I love your mom, you know that, and please don't apologize for doing your job."

Edward pressed his lips gently to mine.

"So my mom wants us to stay for dinner?"

"Mmm," I hummed against the skin of his neck.

"I'm okay with that if you're okay with it."

"It's fine. I can make you dinner another night."

"It's a date," Edward grinned.

"It takes so little to make you happy."

"I'm pretty easy to please, beautiful."

I brushed my lips against his, and Edward's grasp on my hips tightened. We broke apart a little out of breath.

"I better let you get back to work."

"Yeah … you're very distracting when you're on my lap."

"Glad I could distract you even if only for a few minutes."

"You're a welcome distraction, beautiful."

Carlisle stepped back into the room and I jumped up from Edward's lap as he chuckled.

"Don't leave on my account, Bella."

"No, I should go help Esme with dinner."

I kissed the top of Edward's head and slipped out of the room.

The men still weren't finished by the time Esme called them for dinner. Edward's hair looked like he had run his fingers through it several times.

"That's it for tonight, guys. You can hit the books again tomorrow."

"We're nearly done, my love," Carlisle smiled, holding out Esme's chair for her.

"We may as well let them finish, Bella. They'll never rest otherwise."

Edward reached over to me under the table and squeezed my hand.

Dinner with his parents was enjoyable – great wine, great conversation and excellent company. I realized it had been a while since I'd been at the Cullen's for a casual dinner.

After dinner, Esme and I carried our wine to the living room while the men finished up. Before I knew it, my eyes were getting heavy and I must have dozed off when I felt the sofa dip next to me.

"Edward … she's exhausted. Take the poor girl home, sweetheart."

Edward's hand gently caressed the side of my face.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Ready to head home?"

I nodded with a yawn.

Edward helped me out of his truck and walked me to my back door. He waited patiently as I fumbled with my keys.

"Can I help?"

I sighed and handed him my keys.

He opened the door quickly and flicked on the light.

"Thanks for going with me, although I'm sorry it took so long."

"You're welcome," I yawned. "I had a good time."

"How are you so tired after your nap?" Edward chuckled.

"The wine," I giggled.

"Silly, beautiful girl."

I hummed and wrapped my arms around him. I didn't want to leave his warmth as I lay my head on his chest.

"Can you stay?"

"I wish I could, baby. Jasper and I are going to Aspen to hit the slopes tomorrow."

"Ahh … so that's why you had to finish tonight."

Edward nodded sheepishly.

"You better get going then."

"I'm sorry, beautiful. First dinner, and now I'm bailing out on you."

"It's okay, Edward. I'm glad you're spending the day with Jazz. Maybe I can get more of Em and Rose's pictures done."

"Okay. I'll let you get to bed, beautiful. Sweet dreams."

Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning and walking out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

I hated to see him go, but I knew it was much too soon.

I rushed to see his taillights disappear down the drive. Realizing that I was acting like a love-sick girl, I trudged up the stairs and got ready for bed.

* * *

A/N: So a little bit of a transitional chapter - but these two are getting closer, which is GOOD! The bad news is that we are getting closer to the end. =( Only three more regular chapters left and then the two epilogues.

Thanks for reading and all the great reviews!

Busy week this week ... Happy Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers in the US! Don't go too crazy Black Friday shopping ;)

See you next week!


	27. Chapter 27

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Seven

* * *

 _ **Edward**_

"Jesus, Jazz. Bella looked so sad when I left her last night."

"So why didn't you stay?"

"Because I didn't want to be that clingy guy."

"It doesn't sound like that would have bothered Bella."

"Maybe not. Damn … she feels good in my arms. It's like she belongs there."

"Sounds pretty serious," Jasper grinned as he drove us toward Aspen.

"I want it to be," I whispered. "There's something about her that I just can't seem to stay away from."

"I can't say that I blame you, bro. Bella's beautiful, funny and smart as a fucking whip. I also think that she's been dealt a fair hand of shit – whatever it may be, but she seems to be fairing pretty well considering."

"She's trying."

"Did she talk to you about it?"

I nodded. "She lost her parents and her son in a car accident. Bella thinks that she's to blame."

"Is she?"

"Fuck no. She asked her parents to take her son to her ex's for the weekend and they were hit by a drunk driver."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, oh shit. She thinks it's her fault because she made the decision to let her kid go to his dad's."

"That's bullshit."

"Agreed, but try to convince Bella of that."

After that, we were both quiet, as if lost in our thoughts.

"What's Bella up to today?"

"She's working on Rose and Em's engagement photos."

"Maybe we should call Ali and send her over to Bella's after work."

"I don't want Bella to think we're checking up on her."

"We're not … just have Alice take her a late afternoon cup of coffee. She could probably use a little pick me up."

"Maybe … maybe she could use the break."

We called Alice and suggested that she pay Bella a visit.

"Silly boys … I was already planning on it. You two have fun and don't worry about us. We'll be all right."

Jazz and I spent the day out on the slopes. We decided to skip the skis and took off with our snowboards. It had been a long time since Jazz and I had done something where it was just the two of us. I'd known Jazz since my second year of college and we'd been good friends ever since. The day Alice married him, I gained a brother.

"Man … I miss hanging out up here … we'll have to make a point to come up here as much as we can this season."

"Yeah," I laughed. "Maybe by the end of the season I'll be in shape enough to look like I know what I'm doing."

"Compared to two years ago, you're doing amazingly well, man."

"Thanks, I'm getting there."

Jasper and I didn't really talk about my relationship with Leah or what happened afterward. He came and helped me when I first came home from Denver after rehab and we talked a bit then. In his own quiet way, Jazz told me that he felt guilty for not being a better friend. I assured him it wasn't his fault – he couldn't have helped me when I didn't want the help in the first place. So we agreed to an impasse and both of us promised to do better by each other.

"I think Bella has had quite a bit to do with that."

I chuckled.

"Don't laugh, dude. After Leah, I wasn't sure that you're ever be the charismatic, fun loving guy you were before. I think that Bella has brought you out of your shell a little bit."

"I'm guessing that's not a bad thing?"

"Hell no! I think it's a great thing. Alice is starting to think there's still hope to get her brother back."

"I was never gone," I muttered.

"Maybe not, but you haven't been quite the same."

"I couldn't help that …."

"It's all right, Ed. You don't have to apologize for something that is beyond your control."

We ate a late lunch at the ski lodge before heading back to the slopes for a couple more hours. We finally called it a day when the sun began to set. Exhausted and sore, we trudged back to my cabin.

"Do you feel up to driving home?" Jasper asked as we collapsed onto the sofa.

"Not really, but I'd still like to get back."

Jasper chuckled.

I grabbed my phone that I'd left charging on the table beside me to see if I had any messages. I had indeed missed a few texts from Bella.

 _Mornin' handsome. Have fun today. XO -Bella_

 _Found some interesting photos – made me think of you. XX –Bella_

The last one was sent within the past twenty minutes.

 _Miss you. Call me when you get home. XOXO –Bella_

"Call her," Jasper laughed. "You know you want to. Put yourself out of your misery."

I shook my head and dialed.

Hearing Bella's voice was like a balm for my tired soul.

"Hey, handsome. I've been thinking about you."

"I can see that," I chuckled. "I've been thinking about you too, beautiful."

"Did you have fun today?"

"Yeah, I did. Jazz and I always do when we hit the slopes together."

"Good. Alice said that you two try and get away at least a couple times each season. It's good for you two to hang out together."

"We do. We tend to be the quietest ones in the family and sometimes we need to get away, so we come here."

"I'm glad you had fun."

"How was your day?"

"Productive. I got quite a bit done today. Alice came over and she helped me pick out some of the really good ones. She went home to change real quick and then we're going out to dinner with Rose and your mom."

"More wedding planning, I suppose?"

"Maybe. Rose and Em got home a little while ago and I guess Emmett took off with your dad in tow, and Rose called your mom and Alice. Obviously, Alice was here when Rose called so I got drug into this … dinner or whatever it is."

"Oh shit, Bella. Maybe it won't be that bad. Do you need me to come rescue you just in case?"

"You sound so tired, Edward. I've love to be selfish and tell you to get in the truck and come here, but I can't. Get some sleep and come home to me tomorrow in one piece."

Long after the call disconnected, Bella's words resonated in my head.

 _Come home to me_.

Suddenly, I wanted nothing more.

On our way back to Palisade, I checked my other messages and realized that Emmett had left me a few as well.

" _Hey, Ed. Pop and I are heading down to the Tasting Room. Two days alone with Rosie and no interference," he huffed. "Let's just say I need to blow off some steam. Call me."_

"I got the same message," Jazz said quietly as we pulled out onto the main highway.

"What the hell happened?"

"Who knows. Want me to call him?"

"May as well see what we're walking into."

I listened to half of the conversation as I drove and Jasper talked. It turned out that it was nothing more than a disagreement that left both Rosalie and Emmett fuming. Rosalie rallied with my mom, sister and Bella, leaving Emmett to commiserate with my dad, Jasper and myself.

When we pulled up to the Tasting Room, I sent Jazz in, and I sent a text off to Bella.

 _Hey, beautiful. Jazz and I are back. We're at the Tasting Room with Em and Dad. If you need me – I'm here. Miss you. X – E_

As I got to the door of the Tasting Room, Bella replied.

 _You sounded so tired earlier. You should have stayed, but I'm glad you're home. Miss you lots, handsome. Come rescue me in an hour? We're at Rosalie's. XOXO – Bella_

I immediately sent a reply.

 _See you in an hour . X – E_

"Eddo! Stop texting and get the fuck in here. Be thankful you don't have a girl riding your jock – telling you when to jump and how high. Lucky bastard."

"Jesus, Em. Just because you had a bad day with your girl doesn't mean that all couples are the same … and how do you know I don't have a girl?"

"I think you could have one, but it doesn't appear that you've managed to seal the deal."

"I'm not working on your schedule, asshole."

"Okay, boys … enough," my dad said, clapping our shoulders. "Let's have a beer."

"I'm not drinking tonight, Dad."

"What? Ed … you gotta have a beer with me! I can't drown in my sorrows alone."

"Emmett," Dad chided.

"Em … that's the beauty of it. I don't have to do anything. I'll hang out for a while, but as for drinking – you're on your own."

"Bella better be the reason you're not drinking with me tonight."

"And if she's not?"

"Because I saw the look on your face while you were texting. Hell, I saw the way you looked at her all day long the other day. You like her – and that's okay, man. She's good for you."

"I don't need your permission, Emmett," I growled.

"No. You're a grown man, brother. I just thought after the first time, you'd take the opinions of your family into consideration."

"Emmett! That's enough!" Dad roared.

"Fuck you, Emmett."

I turned and stormed out.

"Edward …. Son! Stop!"

"Sorry, Dad. Emmett's never approved of my choices – not that anyone approved of Leah. She was my choice – even if she was a bad one. I've learned my lesson, I paid the price and now I'm moving on. I want to move on with Bella but I want to do it without my family second guessing me."

"We're not second guessing you, Son, but we don't want to see you hurt. We trust you, Son. And … for what it's worth … we trust Bella. So, if she is what you want … go for it, Son. Find some happiness – you deserve it."

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome, Son. Now go see your girl."

Bella was relieved to see me when I arrive at Rosalie's, but her relief quickly turned to concern.

"Is everything okay?"

"Tell you later," I murmured into her ear as I pulled her into my arms.

I hugged my mother and sister before quickly hugging Rose.

"Did you see Em?" Rose asked.

"I did," I nodded.

"And I suppose he said I'm an insufferable bitch?"

"No … no, he said nothing of the sort."

"So what did he say then?"

"Well, he gave me the speech where he doesn't approve of my choices. He airs the laundry list of my mistakes and offers no understanding or even an attempt to understand."

Mom gasped and both Alice and Rose looked at me with pity.

Bella stepped up next to me and gently ran her hand down my forearms and clasped my hand in hers.

"Edward," Rose said softly. "Don't pay attention to Emmett. He likes to seem like a tough guy but the truth is … he doesn't want to admit that nearly losing you scared the shit out of him. He thinks that if he continually gives you shit about it, you'll take his opinion into consideration. He means well, Edward. Emmett doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want to see you hurt."

I laughed humorlessly.

"Rose … you're pissed at him, yet you're still defending him?"

"I just want you to understand where he's coming from, Edward. None of us want to lose you – we love you," Rosalie admitted, wiping away tears.

"Rose …." I murmured and pulled her into my arms. "I'm not going anywhere."

I looked helplessly over at Bella who had been swept up by my mom and sister.

"I know Em can be an ass sometimes, Edward, but he cares. He's a good man – that's why I love him."

"He's definitely a pain in the ass. He really is a good brother and a great friend, but let me be angry for a bit, Rose. I'll get over it."

"'Kay. Now, take Bella and get out of here. You look exhausted."

I offered Bella my hand and led her out to my truck.

* * *

 **A/N: A little bit of interaction with the family … and Edward got some advice and maybe a little push that he needed. Gotta love Rosalie defending her man even when she's pissed at him ;) Good to know that even though his family loves Bella, they still want Edward to be safe and happy.**

 **Thanks for reading and each and every review … I may not reply, but I appreciate them none the less!**

 **Hope everyone has a great week … its finals week … I'll be buried in books somewhere.**


	28. Chapter 28

All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta and pre-readers – twimom817, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 ***This chapter is not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. I apologize ahead of time – this chapter is longer than usual, but this is where we earn the M rating.***

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Eight

* * *

 _ **Bella**_

Edward was so tired. Mentally and physically. Emmett opening his mouth didn't help matters. I felt horrible for asking him to come rescue me. He was the one who needed rescuing. When we pulled up to my house, I glanced over at Edward who was pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You okay?" I asked softly.

"Yeah. Can I stay?"

"Of course you can, Edward."

I was surprised by his request, but of course I wanted him to stay. Now that I was slowly coming to terms with what I knew were irrational fears, I craved the closeness and affection that Edward offered. Would I still crave that if it were from another man?

No. Definitely not.

I only wanted him. Something about him tugged at my soul until my heart and mind caught up. I'd hold on to Edward with all my might until he ordered me to let go – which I hoped he never would.

We crawled into my bed and Edward tiredly pulled me into his arms.

"Relax, beautiful. You're so tense."

I took a deep breath and snuggled into his chest.

When I woke the next morning, I was wrapped around a pillow and Edward was gone. Figuring that he was downstairs making coffee, I stretched slowly and padded down the stairs.

The kitchen was empty.

I looked outside and Edward's truck was still in the drive.

 _Maybe he walked down to the creek._

I went about making coffee and when it was done, I poured myself a cup and headed upstairs for a shower.

I was rinsing out my hair and humming to myself when I hear a knock at the door.

"Bella?"

"It's okay, Edward. You can open the door."

"I don't want to interrupt your shower, baby."

He opened the door fractionally.

"I'm sorry but something came up and I have to go. Can I call you later?"

"Is everything okay?"

"It will be."

"Hang on. I'm getting out. Give me a minute."

I pulled on my robe and threw my hair up in a towel and rushed out of the bathroom to find Edward sitting in the chair by the window.

"Jesus, Bella, you're killing me."

"What?" I asked, stopping in my tracks.

"How am I supposed to leave you when you look like that?"

"Like what?"

"Rosy cheeks, damp skin – you're beautiful."

"So you tell me," I grinned.

"You are … and Lord help me, I know you have nothing on under that robe."

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"None at all," He murmured huskily. "Except … I'd like to be that robe … wrapped around you."

Edward's voice was so soft, I almost didn't hear him.

"Edward," I whispered, walking toward him.

He stood and reached for me and I walked into his embrace. Strong arms surrounded me as I melted into him.

"I hate that I have to go," Edward murmured into my neck.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go help Emmett. One of his idiot workers ran the big trailer with the Bobcats on it into a ditch. I need to see if I can help Emmett pull them out or if I'm going to have to call Alec and have him do it."

"What happens if Alec has to do it?"

"It's more expensive," Edward frowned." It's never good to lose money before you make it."

"No, I guess not."

Edward pulled away and kissed me softly.

"I really hate to leave you like this," He said, pulling on the belt of my robe.

The look in his eyes was nearly my undoing. Beautiful, hooded green eyes peered down at me and the last thing I wanted was for him to leave.

"Go help Em and then come back to me."

Edward nodded and kissed me once more.

"Be careful, Edward."

My head was spinning, but I couldn't escape the memory of the look in his eyes. No one had ever looked at me that way before. Not even Paul. But that didn't matter anymore … all that mattered was Edward.

Eventually I made it into my studio and got back to work on Em and Rose's photos. A few hours passed and my thoughts began to wander to Edward. I had snuck in a few photos of him when we were in Vail. They'd turned out far better than I'd expected and as I looked through them, I wished I could capture the look on his face from that morning. I briefly wondered if he'd let me take pictures of him in the bedroom.

Pounding on my door broke me from my thoughts. I padded down the stairs and pull the door open to find Esme standing there with worry written all over her face.

"Esme?"

"Bella, sweetheart, get your coat, there's been an accident."

I froze.

 _This can't be happening again._

 _I won't survive._

 _Not my Edward._

"Bella … breathe, sweetheart, Edward's okay."

The ride to the hospital was a blur. When we walked in, the sterile smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't been in a hospital since the day my family died. We walked into the ER and I tried to keep my panic in check. Esme approached the information desk and as she spoke to the nurse, Edward came through the double doors. He was covered in dirt and mud and he looked absolutely shattered, but he was okay. When he saw me, he shook his head and reached out for me.

I jumped at him, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him wherever I could reach.

Edward held me tight.

"I'm okay, Bella."

"I thought …" I sobbed. "I was so scared."

"I know, baby. I'm sorry you were scared."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I lost my phone while we were trying to get the wedge under the trailer."

"What happened?"

"Let me get my mom and I'll tell you both."

"Edward! Oh thank God!" Esme breathed, hugging both me and Edward because I refused to let him go.

"They're taking Emmett up to surgery now. He's got a broken leg and he lost a lot of blood, but he'll be okay."

"Where's Rosalie?"

"She's with him now, and Dad is talking to Dr. Gerandy."

"Oh, honey … what happened?"

"Emmett hired a friend of a friend to help him out and it backfired on him. The guy had a commercial driver license, but apparently didn't have much experience. He backed the flatbed with the Bobcats on it into a ditch, so Em called me this morning and asked me to help him get it out. We decided to try and get a wedge under the tires to give them some grip, but the tires slipped and the Bobcat wasn't secure. Emmett didn't have time really to react and he got pinned when the Bobcat slid off the trailer."

Carlisle joined us and we left him to give Esme an update.

"I'm getting you all dirty," Edward murmured as we walked toward the waiting area.

"Don't care," I mumbled into his chest as I situated myself into his lap.

"Thank you for coming."

"Your mom showed up at my door and said we needed to come to the hospital. I haven't been in a hospital since Jared and my parents …."

"Oh, baby. I'm here and I'm okay."

"I know," I sobbed again. "But if something had happened to you – I didn't get the chance to … to tell you … I love you, Edward."

"Oh, Bella, don't say that because you're upset. Those three simple little words … they mean so much. I just … I want you to really mean them."

"I do mean them, Edward."

Edward looked deeply into my eyes, searching for any trace of dishonesty, I'm sure. He cupped my face and pressed his lips to mine, his kiss full of emotion – unspoken words neither one of us were ready to hear.

"I love you too, Beautiful."

Running my hands through his hair, I grinned up at him – unable to keep my giddiness at bay.

Moments later, we were joined by Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie.

"How's Emmett?"

"They've taken him up to surgery. He's had some pain killers so he wasn't hurting, but I'm not sure that he realized I was there."

"It's a good thing that he wasn't in pain, Rose. I'm sure he knew you were there with him."

"Edward, sweetheart, how are you?" Esme asked, concern clear in her soft voice.

Edward seemed to tremble beneath me.

"Baby?" I whispered, turning back to him.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hold on me.

"Can we get out of here? I feel like I can't breathe."

"Are you okay?" I asked, climbing out of his lap.

"I just need to get some air … this place is killing me."

"Bella, sweetheart, why don't you take Edward home and get him calmed down and cleaned up. We'll call when we know more about Emmett."

Esme pulled me into a hug as Carlisle fussed over his son.

"Take care of him, sweetheart."

"I will," I promised.

She handed me the keys to her car and sent us out the doors.

Edward was quiet as I drove us toward his house. He held my hand the entire drive and every now and then he'd gently squeeze my hand.

Silently, Edward let us into his house. I was immediately enveloped by a scent that all Edward – clean, slightly sweet, with a hint of spice.

"I'm umm …. Going to go take a shower," Edward murmured.

"Okay. Can I do anything for you?"

Edward looked like he was taken aback by my question.

"Umm … could you maybe make some coffee? Would you mind?"

"I don't mind at all, handsome."

He quickly explained where I could find the coffee and I sent him up the stairs. When the coffee was done, I poured Edward a cup and went to set it on the bathroom counter for him. I could hear the water running, so I gently opened the door to find the small room filled with steam and Edward sitting on the toilet lid wearing only his boxer briefs with his head in his hands.

"Edward?"

"I … I was so fucking scared, baby," Edward said, reaching out to pull me toward him.

I stepped between his legs and ran my fingers through his hair. Edward pressed his forehead against my stomach.

"What happened, Edward?"

"We were trying to get the trailer out of the ditch and the Bobcat started to shift. I had a bad feeling about the whole situation, so I told Emmett enough – that we wouldn't pull it out by ourselves and that he needed to suck it up and call Alec. The next thing I knew, the Bobcat was coming down and I yelled at Emmett, but it was too late – he was pinned under it.

"I hate feeling that helpless. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't even call 911 because I'd already dropped my phone in the mud somewhere. Fuck."

"Edward … baby, you were there, you didn't leave Emmett alone. That counts for something."

"It didn't stop it from happening."

"Babe, don't blame yourself. Emmett's alive. He's got a few broken bones, but it's nothing that can't be fixed. Please don't beat yourself up, Edward."

"Bella … all I could think about was how dangerous it was and that he needed Alec's help because I needed to get back to you unscathed."

"You were worried about getting back to me?"

Edward looked up at me and nodded.

"Yes," he whispered. "I know what it would do to you if I didn't."

"Thank you," I murmured, kissing his lips. "For coming back to me."

"Bella, I love you. I feel like the more the more I'm with you, I get a little bit more of my old self back. I've fallen for you – no matter how hard I try – I can't help it."

"I'm right here, handsome, and I'm not going anywhere because I love you too – tell me you know that."

"I need you, Bella," he mumbled, his voice cracking.

Edward's tone was breaking my heart. He was completely vulnerable, bearing his heart and it was my job to keep it in one piece.

"Let's get you cleaned up, handsome."

"Bella," Edward whimpered.

"I'm here."

I kissed him sweetly and pulled him up from the toilet. He wrapped his arms around me and his forehead fell against mine.

"Get in with me? I don't … I don't want to be a … alone."

I nodded.

"You don't have to be."

Hands fisted at my waist, Edward pulled my shirt up and over my head. I never felt the roughness of his fingers as the trailed across my skin – only the burning desire they left in their wake. Reaching behind me, Edward unclasped my bra and pulled the offending lace from my body.

"You're so beautiful."

He'd told me that probably a hundred times, but it never got old.

Under Edward's intense gaze, I had never felt so exposed or so entirely loved in my life. I expected him to reach for my breasts, but he lightly ran his fingers down the outside of my arms and down across the waistband of my jeans. His touch was so feathery light, I couldn't help but shiver.

"Are you cold?" He asked concerned.

"No … far from it."

Edward closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Good."

With a small grin, he pushed my jeans to the floor, and held me steady as I stepped out of them.

"I feel like I'm unwrapping a present."

"You haven't gotten your Christmas present yet …."

"All I want is you."

His voice was so quiet I almost didn't hear him.

Almost as quietly, I replied, "I'm yours."

Edward slipped off my socks and stood up to step out of his boxer briefs. Facing away from me, he opened the shower door and I allowed myself a moment to appreciate Edward's fine form.

"Bella?"

I took his outstretched hand and stepped into the shower with a hand at the small of my back, Edward ushered me under the spray of water. I tilted my head back and wet my hair and I could feed Edward's gaze as he continued to hold my hips.

"Your turn, handsome."

I switched places with Edward, allowing him to face the water. Once again, I took in the muscular planes of his back as the rivulets of water cascaded over his skin. Unable to help myself, I reached out and followed the pattern of the water with my fingers. I kissed his warm skin and wrapped my arms around him. Edward's arms covered mine and I could feel the tension slowly leave his body. With another kiss, I released my hold on him and began to wash his body starting with his back. I took special care washing his marred skin, kissing his flesh as I went. As I washed the lower half of his body, Edward washed his hair before returning the favor.

"You're going to smell like me," Edward mused.

"Is that a bad thing?" I giggled.

"I like the way you smell," He said huskily, nuzzling my neck.

"I'm starting to get pruney."

"Let's get you out of here then, beautiful."

Stepping out of the shower, Edward grabbed two towels and quickly wrapped one around his waist before holding the other one out to me.

Edward's coffee was long forgotten as he helped dry my damp flesh. His tender touch was like flames licking across my skin – yet I craved it and yearned for him to consume me. Edward's lips showered kisses across my heated skin.

"I need you, Edward."

He nuzzled my neck and carefully picked me up to carry me into the bedroom.

Unable to not feel his skin on mine, I dropped my towel and reached for Edward's, leaving him naked before me once again.

"Bella … I … I don't have … but I'm clean. I haven't been with anyone since … Leah," He stammered.

"Edward," I said, pressing a finger against his lips. "It's okay. I haven't been with anyone except Paul, and I'm on the pill."

I reached up and softly kissed his lips. Edward pulled me to him and sparkling green eyes gazed down at me – it was the look I loved to see on his handsome face. It was the look that told me no one else existed in that moment – the same look that told me the past didn't matter and the future was ours. This moment – now – was for us.

"Bella … I've never wanted anything as much as I want you."

His words were only above a whisper but I hear every word loud and clear.

"Edward … I told you … I'm yours."

He guided me toward the middle of the bed and crawled up between my legs to hover over me. Kissing me slow and sweet, Edward once again ignited a fire. I wanted his touch – to feel his hands on me.

"Edward … touch me … please."

He stilled completely.

"I … I don't want to hurt you, baby. My hands …."

"Are perfect," I said breathlessly, interrupting him.

The hesitant, course skin of his fingers glided up the soft, sensitive flesh on my torso and traveled up to the valley between my breasts. My heart raced and nipples pebbled in anticipation of his gentle touch.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No."

Edward increased the pressure as his fingers circled my nipples and slightly pinched them. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of his flesh against mine. The next thing I knew, his warm, wet mouth was on me, kissing and suckling. Edward's tongue flicked my nipple and I nearly came unhinged, my body arching off the bed.

"Uhh," I moaned. "That feels … so good."

Nipping kisses whispered across my skin and he paid homage to the other side. Lost in the feel of his mouth on me, I couldn't focus on his travelling fingers until they cupped me where I was already aching for him.

"Oh, God."

"Okay?" Edward murmured against my breast.

"Uh huh."

Grazing my lower lips, his fingers caressed my clit before two of them slipped into me.

I could only imagine what it would feel like to have his length inside of me.

"Please," I begged.

I opened my eyes to find concerned emeralds peering down at me. His fingers left my body and were replaced by the warm smoothness of Edward's cock.

"I love you," Edward murmured as he carefully slid into me, burying himself inside me.

He felt so good and far sooner than I would have liked, I could feel the quivering inside my body.

"My God, Bella … you feel amazing."

Languidly, Edward thrusted in and out of me, my body meeting his like we'd danced like this a million times before.

"Uhh … Edward, baby … I'm gonna … come," I whimpered, unable to form another thought as the most powerful orgasm I'd ever had rippled through me.

Edward moaned and mumbled, "so good" as he continued to move above me. I grasped his biceps and met every movement of his hips.

I felt my belly quicken again and Edward stilled and I could feel him spilling inside me, his warmth filling me. I came again, my muscles contracting around him and taking everything he had to give.

Edward shook as he pressed more of his weight into me.

Lazily I drew nonsensical shapes gently across his skin. I loved the feel of his weight against me – I could feel every beat of his precious heart.

"I love you, Edward."

Hours later, I woke in his bed. Edward's warm body still wrapped around mine. He'd been so tender and sweet as he made love to me, and afterward, he held me, kissing and caressing my skin, making me feel incredibly loved. And the way he looked at me … oh God, it was everything.

Edward moved slightly behind me and I could tell he was awake in more ways than one.

Peppering soft kisses across my shoulder, Edward hummed against my flesh.

"I know you're awake, beautiful."

"I could say the same about you, handsome," I giggled.

"Is it terrible that I want you again?"

"Only if it's terrible that I want the same thing."

Edward reached down and lifted my leg slightly and slid into me slowly from behind.

"Ugh … you feel so good, Bella. Is this okay?"

I shook and sobbed as Edward rocked into me. There were somethings that Edward just couldn't erase. Deep down, I knew this was different, but I shouldn't shake my memories of that particular position.

"Bella?"

Edward still behind me and pulled me closer to him, making his hold on me a little tighter.

"Baby, did I hurt you? What's wrong?"

I could feel him soften and slip out of me. I missed the intimacy immediately. Carefully, Edward turned me to face him. I was still trembling and tears raced down my face.

"Bella? Sweetheart, talk to me … what's wrong?"

I couldn't speak. I snuggled closer into the protection of Edward's arms.

"Oh, God, Bella. Did Paul …?"

I nodded.

"He forced himself on you that way?"

I shook my head no.

"No," I said quietly. "He didn't force it on me. Mostly when he was drunk," I sobbed.

"Why did you let him?"

"He was my husband, Edward. I wanted contact … anything. I wanted … no, I needed to know that he still wanted me."

"Did he hurt you? Physically, I mean."

"Yes," I whispered. "He was rough when he was drunk."

"Jesus, Bella. I'm so sorry, baby. I … I didn't know."

"It's okay, Edward," I murmured, kissing his lips. "I didn't know it would affect me like that. But know I know that even as much as you love me, you can't erase everything."

"I wish I could, baby. I love you so very much."

"I love you too, Edward."

"Bella, I need you to tell me if something could potentially upset you. I feel pretty awful right now."

"Don't Edward. It's not your fault. I'm not upset with you and you didn't hurt me."

"Thank God for that."

"I still need you to love me, handsome."

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm," I hummed, pushing him onto his back and straddling him. I kissed him softly, sliding my tongue into his warm and waiting mouth. His hardness renewed beneath me as we kissed and caressed each other. He held my hips and raised me up only to slide me down over this length.

"So good," Edward grunted beneath me.

"Mmm."

I stilled for a moment, allowing myself to adjust to the new position. Edward grunted again as I began to move above him. Edward slowly sat up and wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me with his strength and love. We moved together as one until we came apart in each other's arms. We lay tangled together in the early evening light, softly kissing, yet always touching.

The shrill ringing of the phone downstairs caused Edward to jump out of bed.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, he reappeared.

"That was my mom – they want me at the hospital."

"Is Emmett all right?"

"He's awake and asking for me apparently."

"Are you going to be okay if we go?"

"I have to be, baby. He's my brother."

"I know, handsome. I just want to be sure you're okay," I said, sitting up and pulling the sheet around me. "You weren't in the best place earlier."

"I know," Edward murmured sadly. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course I will, baby."

I hated hospitals too, but I wouldn't leave Edward alone in this. I couldn't. We'd learn to live with our demons … together.

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter got away from me a little bit, but there was so much happening that I hated to break it up. Finally they found their way to each other! Bella panicked a little bit, but I thought she recovered well – she needed to realize that Edward wasn't a band-aid for everything … there would be some wounds he couldn't heal. Again, he was sweet and patient with her and that's maybe something they both needed.**

 **Thanks for reading and all the lovely reviews!**

 **Next week will be the last regular chapter … *sad face* and then two epilogues will follow.**

 **See you next week!**


	29. Chapter 29

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and my pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

 ***A/N: Did I mention that the last … oh … 9 chapters or so have been unbeta'd? I think I did. So if I missed something – like repeating pet names and such – it's completely unintentional. I appreciate reviews, however, if you're hiding behind a "guest" login just so you can bitch that repetition bothers you – I suggest you stop reading now, because I don't write to please you. Now … I'll let y'all get on with the final chapter.***

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Chapter Twenty Nine

* * *

 ** _Edward_**

I'd only been scared a few times in my life – the first when I saw the look in Leah's eyes as she beat the ever loving shit out of me and the second was the night my body burned. The last was when that Bobcat came down on my brother. It could just as easily have been me. There were times that I wished for death – when the burns were too much to handle. Death would have been easy and living was infinitely harder.

When Emmett and I got to the flatbed, I immediately had a bad feeling about it. Getting hurt or even dying wasn't an option. I had to live for Bella. She needed me and I wouldn't dare leave her. My sweet beautiful girl wouldn't survive it.

"Em, I think this is a bad idea. I've got a bad feeling about this. I think it's more than we can handle."

"Oh, come on, Eddie. If we can get a wedge under that right rear tire, we'll be golden."

"That's a pretty big IF, Em. I'm not willing to risk it, are you?"

"Damn it, Ed! If we can't get this thing out, we'll have to call Alec. I know he's your friend, but damn, he's expensive."

"I'll work out a deal with him. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket. I think we'd be fools to try and get it out ourselves."

Emmett shook his head and climbed down in the ditch against my better judgement. I followed after him and we struggled to wedge a 2x8 under the tire. We struggled for half an hour before Emmett gave in and asked me to call Alec. I climbed to the top of the ditch and went to pull out my phone. Somewhere along the way, I must have dropped it.

"Em, do you see my phone down there?"

Emmett grunted.

"No. Fuck, if I could just …."

Emmett trailed off as I stood there and watched everything play out in slow motion in front of me. The trailer lurched back and one of the tie downs that held the rear Bobcat snapped in two.

"Fuck! Emmett!" I hollered as I ran down toward him.

Emmett was trapped.

"Sam," I screamed. "Call 911!"

"Emmett, you hang in there, you hear me? We're going to get you out and everything will be okay."

"Fuck, Ed … hurry … it hurts. I think my leg's broke."

A few minutes later, I could hear the sirens, but it felt like hours before they finally got there. I watched from afar as Alec used a crane to pull the Bobcat up and out of the way. An emergency rescue team gingerly lifted Emmett onto a backboard and strapped him down before carrying him out of the ditch.

My dad jogged over as they were loading Emmett into the ambulance.

"Son? What happened?"

I relayed the story as I rode with my dad toward the hospital.

"Shit, I need to call Bella, but I lost my phone."

"It's okay, Son. I called your mom and she was going to pick up Bella and then head to the hospital."

"She's probably worried out of her mind."

"She'll be all right. Bella's a pretty tough cookie."

Dad and I followed as closely behind the ambulance as we could. We parked and as we walked through the doors, Dr. Gerandy met us and led us back to a small waiting room. Twenty minutes later, he popped in to tell us that Emmett had lost a lot of blood but it was under control and he was on his way to X-Ray.

Nausea rolled through my body and I had to get out of there before I lost my shit. I left Dad to talk with the doctor. As I walked out the double doors, all I could think about was Bella and how I wanted her there with me. I looked up and there she was. Her button nose was red, her lips swollen and tears were streaming down her face. She was absolutely perfect. Bella looked up at me and her smile lit up her entire face as she lunged toward me. Bella sobbed as we clung to one another.

"I'm okay, Bella."

"I thought … I was so scared."

I held her tighter to me.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry you were scared."

She wanted to know why I hadn't called and I told her about losing my phone down in the ditch. I could see my mom talking animatedly to the nurse at the desk and I was relieved when she caught sight of me.

Bella asked what happened, but I didn't know if I had the strength to tell the story twice.

I was relieved to see my dad coming out – it meant that he could give my mom an update and I could steal away a moment with my girl.

Bella looked good in a light blue sweater and a pair of sinfully tight jeans, and I worried for a moment about getting her dirty, but she wasn't having it. She crawled into my lap and almost sang that she didn't care. She explained about my mom showing up at her door and that she hadn't been at a hospital since Jared and her parents died. Knowing that face alone made me feel like shit. She told me all about that day and how her son died in her arms.

I needed to reassure her that I wasn't going anywhere.

Bella was usually my calm, but the longer we sat in that waiting room, the more I felt the walls closing in on me and I suddenly found it difficult to breathe. I could feel myself shaking – the panic was starting to set in.

"Baby?" Bella asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my hold on her in an effort to tamp down my panic.

"Can we get out of here? I feel like I can't breathe."

Bella loosed her hold on me and slipped out of my lap. I missed her immediately. I opened my eyes to find her kneeling in front of me.

"Are you okay?"

"I just need to get some air … this place is killing me."

Mom recognized my panic and asked Bella to get me out of there.

Dad immediately came over to check on me.

"Calm down, Son. You're all right. This isn't the same … you need to breathe, Son."

I nodded and looked over to see my mom hugging Bella.

I don't remember walking out of the hospital or the ride home. The only thing I remembered was that I held Bella's hand in mine.

I robotically let us into my home and told Bella I was going to take a shower. She wanted to do something for me, and I could have used a cup of coffee so that's what I asked her to do. I trudged up the stairs to my bedroom where I shed my clothes except for my boxers and stepped into the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and sat down hard on the toilet lid. I buried my head in my hands, the weight of the day crashing down on me in the worst way.

"Edward?" Bella's sweet voice rang out in the now steam filled room.

I needed her. I didn't have anything to hide from her, so I told her how fucking scared I was. I pulled her to me and rested my head on the soft flesh of her belly.

I told her everything. How I blamed myself for not putting my foot down with Emmett and how desperate I was to get back to her.

Bella unknowingly made her way into my heart and I was hopelessly in love with her.

"Bella, I love you. I feel like the more I'm with you, I get a little more of my old self back. I've fallen for you – no matter how hard I try – I can't help it."

Bella promised that she wasn't going anywhere and allowed me to cling to her like she was my next breath. I practically begged her to shower with me. I didn't want to be alone, and I felt comfortable enough with Bella to tell her so.

She was absolutely gorgeous standing bare before me and I'd never wanted anyone or anything more. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I was well aware how rough my hands were. With one covered in scars and the other calloused terribly in an effort to compensate for the things I couldn't do with my scarred hand while it was healing. Bella's skin was soft and smooth as porcelain and I didn't want to ruin it or make Bella cringe at my touch.

To my surprise, Bella begged me to touch her. I was hesitant, but only too happy to oblige. When she told me my hands were perfect, I wanted to kiss her silly and bury myself so deep inside her that I didn't know where I ended and she began.

I showered Bella with warm, wet kisses as I explored her body.

"Please," she begged.

I gently pushed into her and made love to her. It was slow and sweet as I rocked into her. She felt so good wrapped around me – it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, Bella's little body shuddered and my name crossed her lips like a cry and I tumbled over the edge after her.

Completely unable to move, I hoped I wasn't crushing her and if I was, she didn't say anything.

We fell asleep wrapped around each other and when I woke an hour or so later, I could help but pepper kisses along the exposed skin of Bella's shoulder. I wanted her again and I told her as much. Was it terrible that she wanted me too?

Not at all.

She was warm, snuggly and soft, and I didn't want to move, so I pushed her leg up and slowly slid into her from behind. Bella felt heavenly, wet and wanting me. I rocked into her and as I moved, I could feel her body tense up, but not in a good way. She was trembling and crying and I immediately thought I'd done something wrong. I pulled Bella closer to me and she came willingly as I pulled out of her and attempted to soothe her. How had I screwed this up so horribly? Then it dawned on me.

"Oh, God, Bella. Did Paul?"

My heart dropped when Bella nodded.

Surely this man who promised to love and cherish the beautiful creature in my arms treated her better than that?

Fucker.

"He forced himself on you that way?"

Bella explained that her ex liked that position when he was drunk and he was rough with her. I understood that she wanted contact and needed to feel like her spouse still wanted her. I'd been through those same emotions myself with Leah, but I'd never been so careless with her as I'd been with Bella, and the thought made me sick to my stomach.

Bella was absolutely right about one thing – every though we loved one another, our love didn't erase the pain of the past.

"I still need you to love me, handsome."

And love her I did.

My heart had never felt as full as it did lying in my bed with my Bella in my arms. I couldn't remember being that happy – ever. After I made love to her I held her and we talking about nothing in particular and everything all at once. Bella's sweet giggle is the best thing ever I wanted it all to myself. We kissed slowly and sweetly, our hands memorizing the feel of one another. We were close to losing ourselves in another again when I heard my phone ring.

"Sorry, baby. I better get that in case it's my parents calling about Emmett."

I hopped out of bed and ran downstairs, but I was too late as I listened to my mom's voicemail.

"Hi, sweetheart. Emmett's surgery went well. He's back in his room and is awake and asking for you. I know hospitals are hard for you, honey, but Emmett really wants to see you. I love you, Edward."

I trudged back up the stairs to find Bella sprawled out on the bed. I wanted to crawl back in and lose myself in her, but I knew I couldn't.

"That was my mom – they want me at the hospital."

Bella sat up and pulled the sheet around her, worry written all over her face. She wanted to make sure that I'd be okay. I knew I wasn't in the best place mentally when I left the hospital, but I was bombarded with memories – painful memories and it was like I could physically feel the fire again.

"Will you come with me?" I asked quietly.

 **.*.~.*.**

I was quiet as Bella drove, but I wasn't the zombie she'd driven home. I didn't trust myself to drive yet – another reason to be thankful for Bella's presence.

We walked hand in hand to Emmett's room, where we found my mom and Rosalie fussing over him.

"Eddie!" Emmett grumbled.

"Hey, Em. How ya feeling?"

"I'm good, Bro. Feelin' no pain."

"Good."

"Eddo … I wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."

"Emmett, it's okay, Bro."

"No! Damnit! You were right and I didn't listen to you. I should have trusted you and I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

I didn't know what else to say. Emmett was apologizing for more than not listening or trusting me earlier that day. It felt nice to hear his apology even if it wasn't the best of circumstances that brought it about.

I sat down on the sofa next to my mom while Bella talked quietly with Emmett and Rosalie.

"How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm okay, Mom. I needed to get out of here for a while."

"I know, honey. I'm glad that you had Bella to lean on."

"Me too."

"You love her."

It was a statement, not a question, because there was no question.

"Very much," I nodded.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so happy for you. I hope the two of you find happiness and heal each other. You both deserve it."

"Ready to go, handsome?" Bella asked quietly as she sat down beside me.

Somehow, Bella knew that I was over being at the hospital.

"Yeah, I can come back in the morning when Em's a little less dopey."

Jazz had taken my dad over to get my truck and Dad brought it back to the hospital.

Bella looked a little shocked when I handed her the keys.

"I can't drive, babe."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I … I just don't trust myself to drive right now."

"All right." Bella nodded.

We climbed inside my truck and Bella stalled.

"Umm … your house or mind?"

"Doesn't matter to me, beautiful. Either we stop by your place and pick up some things for you or we stop by mine and pick up some things for me. I don't care as long as I get to stay with you tonight."

"My house then."

"If that's what you want."

Bella nodded.

"Okay. We should maybe get some dinner while we're out?"

After we make a quick trip to my house for an overnight bag, we stopped by the grocery store – Bella would rather cook than go out or eat fast food.

I sat across the kitchen from her as she moved about her kitchen with ease. I trusted Bella, but my fears were not easily dismissed. Bella was incredibly gracious about it.

"I'm sorry, baby. Doing the dishes was one thing, but cooking … it freaks me out a little."

"No more panic attacks, Edward. You've exceeded your quota for the day."

I chuckled.

"Fair enough."

"This needs to simmer for a while. I'm going to light the fireplace."

"Let me do that for you, baby. Go get comfy."

Bella and I snuggled on the sofa for the rest of the evening.

 ** _Bella_**

The day after the accident was New Year's Eve. Waking to Edward in my bed was … different. A good different. We crawled into bed and Edward made love to me slowly and sweetly. He curled around me and held me close all night long. I'm sure the smile on my face was a mile wide as I remembered Edward's tender kisses upon my skin.

"Mmm … what are you smiling about, beautiful?" Edward murmured against my skin as he kissed my shoulder.

"You."

"Me? What about me?"

"You make me … happy."

"I could say the same about you."

"Good," I smiled, turning in his arms to kiss him.

"I should call and see how Emmett's doing."

I nodded.

While Edward spoke with Rosalie, I called Esme to see if there was anything I could do for her. She'd decided to cancel the party but she still wanted family over after visiting Emmett.

"Emmett's hoping he can persuade his doctor to release him today."

"Do you think they will?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. It's hard to tell. Rose said they'll come here for a few days, she'll need the help with Emmett."

"I'll help too … whatever you need, let me know."

"Thank you, Bella. Right now, all I want is for my children to be here tonight, and I do mean _all_ my children."

"Edward and I will be there, but if there's anything else I can do, call me okay?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Give Edward my love."

Emmett was indeed released early that evening and we were at Carlisle and Esme's to help them get settled in. A nasty storm was supposed to roll in overnight and Esme asked us to make plans to stay over.

We ate and talked and laughed and for the first time since the loss of Jared and my parents, I felt like part of a family – like I belonged here with the Cullens.

I smiled to myself with the mere thought of family again as I carried dessert dishes into the kitchen.

"What's got that beautiful smile on your face, baby?" Edward asked, sneaking up behind me.

"You … your family."

"My family?"

"Mmmhmm. They make me feel loved and like I'm actually wanted here."

"Oh, Bella. You are my love. My family adores you."

"Do they think I'm good enough for you?"

"Bella …" Edward murmured, turning me and pulling me into his arms. "I think they're more worried about whether I'm good enough for you."

I sighed and laid my head on Edward's chest – reveling in the sound of his steady, beating heart. To think that Leah could have caused it to stop all together …. No, I couldn't bear to think about it.

Soft music wafted in from the living room and as I listened to the words, we began to sway.

" _At last … my love has come along. My lonely days are over …."_

"I love you, Bella. When Em gets better … I want to take you to Aspen for a few days. You can take your camera, we can hit the slopes … whatever you want."

"'Kay. I love you, too, Edward."

I could hear Alice calling for us, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was home, and I was living again – if only for the man in my arms.

"Happy New Year, beautiful."

Edward's lips pressed against mine and I wrapped mine softly around them. When we finally broke apart, I whispered.

"Happy New Year, Edward."

Fin.

* * *

 **A/N: And there you have it. A new year and a new start for this sweet couple and that's all she wrote! There will be 2 epilogues to follow up and those will hopefully wrap up any unfinished business.**

 **Thanks again to all of you for reading and leaving me the loveliest reviews. I truly have the best readers.**

 **See you next week!**


	30. Chapter 30 Epilogue 1

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and pre-readers EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

* * *

Epilogue 1

* * *

 **Bella**

 _Valentine's Day …._

"I'm sorry you don't feel up to going out, baby."

"Edward," I giggled. "Can you blame me? I've got a broken ankle for cripes sake!"

I didn't need to remind him about my ankle because he certainly felt guilty enough about it already. Emmett had called and wanted to know if I could come up to the house and hang out with him. Rosalie had an appointment, Esme was helping Carlisle at the Winery and Edward was at a doctor's appointment.

"Sure. No problem." I told him.

I had a lot on my mind that day. Garrett, Kate and Makenna were coming for dinner that night and I was a little stressed out about Edward's appointment since I'd be seeing the same doctor for the first time the following day. I wasn't paying attention when I walked down the front steps of Edward's house. I never saw the thick sheet of ice, and before I knew what was happening, my ankle hit hard against the angle of the step. I screeched in pain. Edward had already left for the day – he left me alone to shower if I wanted, but he promised to take me back to bed when he got home.

Spread out on his steps, with an aching tailbone and with what I was sure was a broken ankle, I caught my breath and tried to call Edward.

His phone went to voicemail.

Next, I called Carlisle.

"Bella? To what do I owe this wonderful surprise?"

"Carlisle," I sobbed.

"Bella? Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I fell. My ankle … it hurts."

"Where are you? We're on our way."

"I'm at Edward's … on the front steps."

Ten hours, one surgery and a cast later, Edward finally took me home. They were moving me into surgery by the time he got to the hospital and they let me see him for a minute, but it wasn't long enough.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I love you and I'll be here when you wake up," Edward promised.

He was the first person I asked for when I woke up in recovery. The nurse just laughed.

"That handsome thing that's been pacing the halls? He can't wait to lay eyes on you."

"Hey, beautiful," Edward smiled softly at me as I blinked my eyes open.

"Hi."

"How do you feel?"

"I'm okay."

"Are you in pain?"

"No. Just … sleepy."

"I know, baby," Edward chuckled. "I'm not going anywhere. Close your eyes and rest."

Edward fussed over me for weeks – feeling unnecessarily guilty for forgetting to salt the steps the morning I fell. Had I been paying attention in the first place, it wouldn't have happened. Feeling like I had a horrible case of cabin fever, I begged Edward to take me to Aspen. I knew I'd be confined indoors, but at least it was a change of scenery. I encouraged Edward to go skiing or snowboarding, but he never strayed far from the condo.

One particular snowy day, Edward and I were curled up in front of the fireplace. We hadn't been intimate since before my fall and as the days and weeks passed by, I found myself aching for him. Being in his arms wasn't enough. I needed him. I'd been through so much in the last month that I needed to reconnect with Edward in the most intimate of ways, but any time I initiated contact, he'd slam on the brakes. I started seeing a therapist and Edward went with me a couple times to particularly difficult sessions. I felt like they were helping, but I knew that I had a long way to go. However, nothing could quell my need for Edward, except him.

I loved how the firelight lit up his eyes as he gazed at me.

"Can I take some pictures of you?"

"What?" He asked incredulously.

"I loved the look on your face a minute ago. I want a picture of you looking at me that way."

"What way?"

"Like I'm the only beautiful woman in the world and you love me more than anything."

"Oh, baby … you are the most beautiful woman in _my_ world, and I do love you more than anything … you know that."

"I … I can't deny it when you look at me like that."

Edward nodded.

"So you want to take pictures?"

"Mmm," I hummed. "After all, you are my favorite subject."

"Are we talking boudoir style photos, Bella?"

"I don't know … I've never done boudoir photos before. Do you want them to be boudoir photos?"

"I'd like pictures of you like that."

"Where would you put them?"

"In our bedroom?"

"Our bedroom?"

"Mmmhmm," He said, continuing his kisses.

"Shouldn't we both be in them if we hang them in _our_ bedroom?"

"You really want this?"

"They're just photos, Edward. No one has to see them but us."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, but I get veto power."

"Oh, Edward," I giggled. "This will be fun."

"How do you want me to pose?" He asked nervously.

"That's just it, babe. I don't want you to pose. I want them to be natural. Spontaneous, I guess."

"So you're going to walk around with your camera 24/7?"

"No, but I'll keep it close. There will be moments I won't want to miss, I'm sure."

Edward peppered kisses along my shoulders, working his way up my neck to the sensitive place below my ear. Warm hands ghosted across my skin. I was putty in his skilled hands.

"I want you, Edward. Please don't tease me."

"I want you, too, Bella, but your foot …."

"My foot is fine, Edward. It's okay, I promise."

"I don't want to hurt you, baby."

"You won't hurt me, Edward."

Indecision and pain wore across his face and I knew the exact moment he gave in. Nipping kisses and gentle touches grew increasingly desperate as we worked to get closer to one another.

"Bella," Edward whimpered as he pushed into me. "I … I love you so much, beautiful."

"I love you too, Edward."

Slowly and languidly he moved above me. His tongue was tangled with mine as we kissed lazily. My fingers tangled in his silky hair.

"You feel so good, Bella. I want it to be like this always."

"Always, Edward."

We moved together until we fell over the edge – lost in each other's arms.

Our long weekend at the cabin wasn't long enough, but because it was Valentine's Day, Edward felt the need to spoil me and it also gave him an excuse to be extra attentive. When we got home and back to our normal routine, I sorely missed our lazy days at the cabin. Because of mine and Emmett's injuries, we had to push back the work I wanted to do on my new studio, but thankfully Rosalie was able to work out a deal with the owner so that he wouldn't rent it out to someone else.

Emmett and I were both healing nicely from our injuries and Rosalie was in full swing with wedding plans. Edward fussed when she mentioned dress shopping.

"Bella doesn't need to be schlepping around every bridal shop in Denver, Rose. She needs to elevate that foot and relax."

"Edward, Bella's not made of glass for crying out loud. It would do her good to get out for a bit. She's probably tired of you hovering over her but she loves you too much to tell you it bothers her."

Edward looked over at me.

"I don't mind the hovering, I promise. But it would be nice to get out … these walls are … suffocating."

"I know you hate being cooped up, baby, but you'll be exhausted."

"I'll be fine, Edward. It's only one day."

Defeat crossed his features and I could see Rosalie choreographing her victory dance.

Our shopping trip was fun, even if it left me exhausted at the end of the day. We stayed in Denver overnight and Edward checked in on me several times.

"You doing okay, Bella?" Esme asked quietly.

"I'm fine. My foot is a little sore, but I'm learning to live with it."

A couple weeks later, Esme had a luncheon/bachelorette party for Rose. I wasn't feeling all that great, but I had to go. Edward drove me to his parent's house and helped me inside with my equipment. I hobbled into the kitchen looking for some Sprite to settle my stomach and I stopped in my tracks when I got dizzy.

"Bella?" Esme asked.

"I got a little dizzy. I think I better sit a minute."

Esme asked me a dozen questions. Did I have a fever? Could it be from the pain meds for my foot? Had I eaten anything.

"No, I don't have a fever. I just feel queasy. I'm trying not to take those pain meds because they make me sleepy. I ate because Edward made me French toast this morning even though he knew I was coming over here for lunch."

"Hmm. Bella … I don't mean to be nosy, but when was your last period?"

When … what?

"I'm not … I can't be …."

Esme looked over at me tenderly.

"Bella, honey, if you were taking pain meds and you and Edward … and you didn't use protection … it's a distinct possibility."

"Oh, God."

"Bella … sweetheart?"

"Esme … I … I'm …."

"Calm down, sweetheart. Don't panic because you don't know for sure."

"But … Edward and the pain meds. Oh, God, Esme. I remember these symptoms from when I was pregnant with Jared."

"There's only one way to be sure, sweetheart."

Esme quickly went to the store and twenty minutes later, I was in the bathroom alone and completely terrified. The first test had two blue lines before I even sat it on the counter.

"Bella?" My favorite voice asked through the door. "Mom said you weren't feeling well. Are you okay?"

Bleary eyed, I opened the door and beckoned him in. His eyes went wide when he saw the tests on the counter. All three of them were positive.

"We're pregnant," Edward gasped quietly.

The corner of his mouth turned up like he wanted to smile, but he hid it quickly.

"Yes, apparently," I sniffled.

"Bella," he breathed. "This is a good thing, baby."

"Is it?" I asked coldly.

"Definitely," he smiled, pulling me to him. "Everything happens for a reason, Bella. God wouldn't give us this baby if you couldn't handle it."

"I'm scared, Edward."

"Me too, baby. But you've done this before, and I know you can do it again. We're in this together, Bella."

"God, Edward. This isn't how I wanted us to go, but I want to be happy about this – I want to be excited about this baby."

"It may not be how we wanted to start things, baby, but I'm not going to complain. Bella … it's okay to be happy about it – it's okay to be excited about this baby. It doesn't affect how you feel about Jared, nor does it replace him. Don't you think he'd want you to be excited?"

"Yes," Bella whispered.

"Well?" I asked, a half smile crossing my face.

"We're going to have a baby!"

* * *

 **Edward**

Bella's smile as she said those six words was as bright as the August sun, and she seemed genuinely excited. At first, I wanted to kick myself for being so careless with her, but I sincerely meant it when I told her that God would only give us what he thought we could handle. We could definitely handle having and raising a baby. Our baby.

I wished that I could have done everything in the right order, but I don't think I would change a thing.

I kissed Bella sweetly and pulled her into my arms.

"Are you really okay with this?" I asked worriedly.

"Edward … I know we talked about it and I said I didn't know if I could have another baby and risk losing them too, but if I've learning anything after the last few months in therapy – it's that I can't live in fear. I love you and I want this baby with you."

The last sentence Bella said so softly I almost didn't hear her.

"I want this baby with you too, Bella. So much."

We kissed again chastely and I held her in my arms for a few minutes.

"I don't want to tell anyone just yet, Edward. Let's wait until after the wedding. I think it's only fair to Rose and Emmett."

"I'm okay with that, beautiful. There's only one flaw … my mom already knows."

"Oh! Esme!" Bella whispered.

"Mmmhmm. I bet she's already planning a baby shower," I chuckled.

"Edward!"

"Sorry, baby. It's her first grandchild, of course she's excited."

Bella grew quiet and tears silently slid down her sweet face.

"Baby?"

"My mom was so excited when I told her I was pregnant with Jared. She loved being a grandma."

"I bet. I promise my mom will be just as excited, Bella."

"I know … it's just … I want to tell my mom too … and I want to tell Jared he's going to have a little brother or sister."

Bella sniffled into my chest.

"We'll make a special trip to Denver to tell them, Bella."

"Next week? Jared's birthday and the anniversary …."

"Whenever you want, beautiful."

Bella seemed relieved that I was so willing to go to Denver with her. I understood why she needed to go and I wanted to be as supportive as possible.

"So you need a minute?" I asked softly.

Bella nodded.

"Okay. Take as much time as you need and I'll take care of my mom."

I closed the door gently behind me and walked down the hall into the kitchen. Mom was busying herself putting away the dishes.

"Hi, sweetheart. Is Bella okay?"

"She's perfect, Mom," I grinned.

"Is she? Am I?" She whispered.

"Yes … on both counts. But until we get to the doctor and the wedding is over, we don't want anyone else to know."

"Oh, honey. I'm so happy for you and Bella. But, Edward … honey, I can't keep this from your father. He'd want to know."

"You don't have to keep it from dad. In fact, I kinda want to be the one to tell him."

"Good," She smiled. "He'll like that."

"Edward … how's Bella taking the news? She's been doing so well with therapy. I'd hate for her to be three steps ahead only to go two steps back."

"I think she's fine, Mom. She's happy. I know that her memories will be hard on her, but she knows she has to make new ones. She's got therapy on Tuesday – if she wants or needs me to, I'll go with her."

"Wonderful. I'm glad you two have each other, sweetheart. How's your therapy going, Son? Are you still going?"

"Yeah, I'm still going. Less frequently, but that means I'm doing better. I can tolerate working in the kitchen with Bella, but I still have a hard time with the stove. It's irrational – I know Bella would never hurt me, but the possibility that we could accidentally bump into each other absolutely terrifies me. I'm so lucky to have Bella, Mom. She's so patient with me and she knows now what could potentially cause a panic attack. She protects me and calms me."

"You do the same for me, Edward." Bella's soft voice carried from the doorway.

Mom walked over and hugged Bella.

"Thank you," Mom whispered.

"What? What for?" Bella asked confused.

"For Edward. For bringing back the light in his beautiful eyes and just … for loving him, Bella."

"Oh, Esme, he's so easy to love … you don't have to thank me."

"I do, sweet girl. A year ago my son couldn't bear to stand in this kitchen and talk to me. Today, he can and you are part of the reason why."

A week later, Bella and I walked out of her OB's office with pictures of our little peanut. We were going straight to Denver. I booked a hotel room and Bella and I were planning on visiting the cemetery the next morning. I worried how it would affect Bella – I knew the hurt and guilt were setting in again because the anniversary of Jared and Bella's parents' death was rapidly approaching. The weight hung over us like a lead balloon.

After talking with our therapist, she assured me that Bella would be fine.

"She hurts, Edward. Maybe she always will, but every day it will be a little less. Remember the accident happened four years ago, but it's still very fresh in Bella's mind. Edward, if you're worried about the baby – which is completely natural – I don't think you need to worry. Bella is quite attached to this baby in more ways than one. She's healthy and quite protective of your little one already."

"I know. She's completely in love with our baby and that makes me love Bella all the more. I just … worry … you know?"

"I know, Edward, but don't. Bella sees your worry and that is an added stress she doesn't need."

The drive to Denver was pretty quiet. I drove while Bella sat in the passenger seat. Every now and then she'd look at the picture in her lap and giggle.

"Whatcha' thinkin', beautiful?"

"I can't wait for peanut to get here."

"Me either," I chuckled. "Best Christmas present … ever."

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"Don't care," I shrugged. "As long as it's healthy."

"Me too," Bella sighed.

"You okay? Need me to make a bathroom stop?"

"I'm okay."

A few moments of silence passed before Bella spoke again.

"I'm scared, Edward."

"Of what, baby?"

"What if we get to the cemetery tomorrow and Paul's there?"

"Why does that scare you, baby?"

"I don't want to see him. I don't want him to see me and how blissfully happy I am. I don't want to flaunt my happiness in front of him. Kate said he's miserable and that breaks my heart. That's not who he was."

"Bella …."

"I know. I'm not responsible for his happiness anymore, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel bad."

"I love you," I smiled. "Don't worry about tomorrow – we'll deal with it if it happens. Tonight, I just want you to relax." The next morning, we picked up flowers that Bella had delivered to the front desk and make our way to the cemetery. It was fairly warm for early April, but the cemetery was empty because it was the middle of the week. We made our way to Jared first. Bella spread out her blanket and went to work tidying his memorial. Old flowers were put in a bucket and she wiped down the smooth granite before giving it a reverent kiss. I handed Bella the birthday balloons and flowers I'd been holding her and watched patiently as she arranged them in the flower cup.

"Sit with me?" Bella asked, smiling up at me.

I sat down behind her and pulled her back to my chest.

"Happy Birthday, baby. I wish you could be here with us, but I know you're taking good care of Nana and Papa. Edward and I want you to know you're going to be a big brother and I know that you'll be the best guardian angel any kid could ask for. I love you and miss you every day, Jare."

Bella sniffled and I held her a little tighter. She seemed content to sit in silence.

"You would have loved him, Edward," She whispered. "And he would have adored you. Jared was so full of life, curious about everything thing and I mean every fucking thing. He was so smart – he wanted to know how things worked and why. He loved to read and tell stories … God, he was so funny. I think he lived to make me laugh, but his laugh … ugh … there's nothing better than the laugh of a child."

It was the first time that Bella had ever opened up to me about Jared. Sure, I wanted to know everything about the little boy who Bella loved so completely and missed with her entire being, but I figured that in her own time, she'd tell me about her son. Listening to her talk about Jared made me wish that I'd known both of them a long time ago. Not that I didn't adore who Bella was now – but when Jared was alive, it was obvious that she was different. Bella told me about his favorite toys, his favorite foods and even things that he didn't like. Because she divorced Paul when Jared was very young, she had a very close bond with her son, and I wished that I could have experienced it first hand, but I couldn't wait to see how she'd be with our little one – how we'd be together – our little family. When she finished talking, I spread my hand gently over her stomach and told her how much I loved her and how I couldn't wait to have our little family.

"Me either, handsome. I love you so very much, Edward."

I pressed a reverent kiss to her temple.

"We should go visit with my parents for a while and tell them the news."

"Lead the way, beautiful."

I helped her up and picked up the blanket while she pressed another kiss to Jared's headstone. When I looked up, I saw a dark haired man standing off to the side about 200 yards from us. Knowing who he was almost immediately, I almost panicked, but decided to let Bella lead on this one – if she'd even seen him yet. She took her hand in mine and led me to her parents plot.

"I saw him, Edward. I know he's here. I think we should just ignore him unless he confronts us."

Bella was as cool as a cucumber though I'm sure she was quaking inside. I made quick work of spreading out the blanket once again and sat down, pulling her into my lap.

"Thank you for wanting me here with you, Bella. Thank you for telling me about Jared," I whispered, kissing her shoulder.

"You needed to know, Edward. You're a part of my life, and he's a part of my past, but he's still a part of me and you deserve to know about him."

"Thank you, baby. I'm so fucking proud of you. Have I told you that? You are so strong and you're getting stronger every day."

"You make me want to be stronger, Edward. I want to be better for me, but I want to be stronger for you."

She relaxed into my embrace and once again, we sat in silence.

"Hi, Momma. Hi, Daddy. I can't believe it's almost D day again. It's been four years and so much time has passed, and so much has happened, but then again, it feels as if no time has passed at all. I miss you guys so much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that I could pick up the phone and call you and tell you about my day. Now I just have to trust that you are up there looking down on me watching it all happen. I'm doing so much better than I was a year ago. I hope you know that. Leaving Denver was tough, but look where it got me. I found Edward and he found me and we're working on healing each other. We have some news for you … we're gonna have a baby. We don't know what we're having yet, but he or she will be here around Christmas. Edward thinks it's the best Christmas present we didn't know to ask for. When I lost Jared … I didn't think I ever wanted to have more kids. I thought God was punishing me for making a stupid decision in asking you guys to take Jared to Paul that night. I thought He was punishing me by taking my baby away. Edward has helped me realize that it wasn't a stupid decision. I made a good decision and bad things happened. Paul was trying and I couldn't fault him for that and you told me that when you agreed to take Jared to him.

"Edward and I weren't trying for this little one – it just happened. But if I know you, Momma, there was a little Divine intervention involved. I was scared at first, but then I thought about it and I know that Edward is going to be a great dad. I see so many things in Edward that I loved about you, Daddy. Maybe that's why I love him so much. Anyway, I wanted you both to know that I'm in good hands – Edward takes such good care of me and he always will. I'm getting better all the time and so is he – I'm learning to live with the ache in my heart, but I know I can't live without him."

Tears ran anew down Bella's cheeks and I did my best to chase them away. I kissed her temple sweetly and she leaned into my kiss. I know it wasn't easy for her to admit to all that in front of me, but my heart soared a little when she did. My girl was peeking out from behind her walls, and even though she reached for my hand, she was doing it of her own accord – without any prompting from me.

* * *

 **A/N: There is still one Epilogue to go … it will post tomorrow.**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	31. Chapter 31 Epilogue 2

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

HUGE thanks to my beta twimom817 and my pre-readers, EdwardsMyObsession1971 and GillianAubrey. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Learning to Live

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Epilogue 2

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 **Bella**

 _Two years later …._

I remember a time when I dreaded Christmas. Not just Christmas, but holidays in general. Getting through them was painful enough without having to go through the motions.

But now … Christmas was … definitely something to celebrate.

Our daughter, Charlotte Renee was born on December Twenty-third. She was born a perfect little angel, far too early in the morning after way too many hours of labor. I thought she would have come a little easier being my second birth, but she was as stubborn as the day is long. Something she inherited from Papa Charlie, I suppose. We call her Charlie in honor of my dad. Edward never met him, but he promised me that he felt close to him through all the stories I told him.

I found that once I opened up about Jared and my parents that day in the cemetery, I couldn't stop. I'd suddenly remember something and couldn't wait to share it with Edward. He was so patient with me, never telling me that I needed to stop thinking about the past, instead he listened intently with a smile on his face. My memories didn't bother him, and the past didn't stop me from making new memories.

Edward made good on his promise – Carlisle and Esme were fantastic grandparents. Esme and I grew as close as mother and daughter during my pregnancy with Charlie, and I loved her madly. Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper were all ecstatic when we finally shared the news of our little one. We'd waited until Rose and Emmett came back from their honeymoon in Hawaii – and it wasn't the only news we had to share. After the wedding, Edward whisked me away to Aspen for several days. He insisted that I needed the rest after the wedding and the day at the cemetery. We spent our days relaxing and enjoying a couple days of sunshine. One evening, Edward insisted that we dress up a little and go out to dinner.

"I've never taken you out on a proper date, baby. I know it's a little late, because I've already knocked you up, but please give me this, Bella."

The pouty look on his handsome face was too irresistible – I couldn't say no.

I hadn't brought anything remotely dressy with me, so we went shopping and I found a dress that I loved. I just hoped that I could wear it again after the baby was born.

Edward took me to a swanky restaurant, where we ate an obnoxiously expensive meal. I had to admit, the food was excellent. There was a heated patio off the main dining room where a live band was playing. There were a few couples spinning around the dance floor.

"Dance with me?"

I took his hand and let him lead me out to the dance floor – much like he'd done all those months ago. Edward took my hand in his and set his other on my hip, pulling me closer to him.

"You look gorgeous tonight, baby."

"You look pretty good yourself, handsome."

The song slowly came to an end and the band announced they were taking a short break. Piped in music filled the speakers as we continued to sway on the dance floor. I relaxed into Edward's arms, pulling my hand from his and wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders as his hands wrapped around my waist. I lay my head on his shoulder, and he began to sing softly in my ear. I gasped when I recognized the song that was playing.

 _I just can't take my eyes off you …_

"Marry me, Bella." Edward murmured.

"Hmm?" I hummed, not sure I understood what he was saying.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward pulled away from me and got down on one knee, taking my hand in his.

"Bella … I think I've loved you from the moment you walked down your stairs and into the kitchen with your pajamas on and your hair in a knot on your beautiful head. I saw something in your eyes and it was more than just the way you saw through me," he shook his head. "You didn't see through me – you saw the real me, and you accepted me without question. I saw a woman with so much strength – strength she didn't know she had. I think I loved you then, and I know I love you now. I want to love you forever, Bella. Please, please let me. Will you marry me?"

I couldn't stop the tears that fell in a torrent down my cheeks. Edward was so vulnerable and absolutely beautiful in that moment. He wore the look I lived for – the one I loved the most – the look he wore just for me. All around us there were cheers and a lot of clapping.

"Yes! Yes, God, yes. But …."

"But?"

"Only if you let me love you forever, too."

Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed me with a tenderness only he could possess.

"God, I love you, Isabella."

"I love you too, Edward."

The news of our engagement was kept quiet until Rose and Emmett returned from Hawaii. After our promises made on the dance floor, Edward slipped an exquisite white and rose gold ring on my finger. I don't know how he chose it, but it was absolutely perfect.

Esme was beside herself with the news that she was going to become a grandmother and a mother again. She planned a family dinner the Sunday after Rose and Emmett got back, and over roast and mashed potatoes, we shared our news. The engagement came as a total shock to everyone although they knew that it would come eventually, and Rose told me later that she suspected I was pregnant at the wedding because I didn't 'even touch a glass of wine, instead opting for ginger ale.

I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. Once Emmett was cleared from the doctors and physical therapists, we got back to work on my studio. It was late-summer before I had it up and running, but I was glad to be doing something constructive. Rose and Emmett were my first clients of course, and they loved their wedding photos. Esme recruited me to help her with a home renovation she was working on – she wanted me to take photos of it for her portfolio and I was happy to help her out.

Kate and Garrett made the move from Denver to Grand Junction in early spring, just in time for their new little one to make his debut. Jacob Matthew completed their little family, and I was happy to have them close by. Kate and I were still working on patching up our damaged friendship, and she was a lot more forgiving than she needed to be. Kate and Garrett quickly took a liking to Edward. Even little Makenna fell in love with him. "Unca Ewward" she called him, and he ate it up.

"Bella … Edward's fantastic. How come you couldn't have met him in high school? It sounds like it would have saved both of you a lot of heartache."

"Maybe. If I had met him in high school then I wouldn't have had Jared, and as much as I regret the way things happened with Paul, I wouldn't change a thing about how Jared came to be."

"That's not what I meant, Bella. I know you don't regret Jared. I just meant Paul and all the bullshit he put you through. Edward would never have done that to you."

"No, I know. I get it."

Kate was happy that I was moving on in my life and that I was in therapy and getting better every day. I was a far cry from the hot mess that she remembered a couple years prior. She told me that she worried I would try and commit suicide – she thought I was that depressed, and that's why she couldn't bring herself to feel hurt when I up and moved from Denver. She knew it wasn't her that I was running away from – it was the memories.

"I'm proud of you, Bella. All these things you've done on your own. You found yourself again, and you've found happiness again. It's how it should be."

"Thanks, Kate. It means a lot to me."

"I know it does, sweetie."

Kate and Esme threw one hell of a baby shower the weekend before Thanksgiving. It wasn't just for the women – Carlisle, Emmett and Edward were there too. I was glad that I could share it with Edward – after all, it was his baby too. We found out what we were having because we were like little kids on Christmas – we couldn't wait to be surprised. When the technician announced we were having a girl, I thought for sure that Edward would burst he was so happy.

"Charlotte Renee," he whispered, dragging his finger lightly across her likeness on the screen.

"Charlie," I nodded, wiping away my tears.

Best Christmas present ever.

Edward and I were married in a small ceremony the following summer. We married on the two year anniversary of the first time we danced because we realized finally how much that first dance truly meant to the both of us. We married at the St. Regis in Aspen, in a gorgeous outdoor ceremony with only our family and close friends in attendance. We danced our first dance with a gorgeous little girl in our arms and we couldn't have been happier.

Edward sold his house a few months before the wedding, finally conceding that he didn't really spend that much time there anyway. My house had a lot more room, and Edward admitted that home was wherever his girls were.

Edward was amazing with Charlie and she clearly adored her daddy. He was quiet and patient with her, and when she cried, it was his soothing voice that slowed her tears. I loved to sit back and watch them together. Once in a while my heart would break at the fact that Jared never knew a dad like that, but I was so thankful that Charlie did.

Charlie's second birthday was put on hold – her brother simply didn't allow her to party without him. With a small smile on my lips, I sat curled with my feet under me on the sofa at Carlisle and Esme's. It was Christmas Eve, and it couldn't get any better. I rubbed my stomach gently and winced – whether it was residual pain from surgery or missing the feel of my son moving around inside of me, I didn't know. I looked around at my family – Rose and Emmett were sitting quietly on the sofa opposite me, his hand rubbing her protruding stomach – their own bundle of joy was due after the first of the year. Alice and Jasper were quietly sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table going over the plans for their new house, and Carlisle and Esme were huddled together with Charlie between them – Carlisle reading "The Night Before Christmas." Edward was standing by the fire, our newest addition a bundle of blue in his arms. The smile on his face was gorgeous, no doubt brought on by the little one in his arms.

Two and a half years had gone by since I moved to Palisade, but I had to admit they were the best of my life. I'd moved on from my heartache and had been taken in by an incredible family who loved and cared for each other, and I met the most precious man who I couldn't love more if I tried. Together, we made a family of our own and healed each other in a way that only we knew how. Someone much smarter than me said to live and learn, but Edward and I learned to live … and love.

Fin.

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 **A/N: This was one of those stories where the ending came way before the beginning did. It's not easy writing backwards, but I'm pretty happy with the final product and I hope that you've all enjoyed it as well.**

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you to my wonderful readers who came back each and every week to read and review. Thank you to those who pimped and rec'd this story on Facebook, Twitter and The Lemonade Stand. Readers like you are what keep writers writing – you are the heartbeat of this dwindling fandom.**

 **And to my girls, Jill, Teresa and Anna … I heart you ladies … HARD. Who knew that a book about a mousy girl and a vampire could forge such amazing friendships? We've laughed, cried, and sometimes both at the same time, but regardless, it was a love for the written word that got us here and I can't thank you enough for your support and encouragement. Love You! *mwah***

 **What's next? Well … that's a bit of a loaded question. I have another story that I've started and I'm going to work on it while I'm on break, but once school starts again … all bets are off as to how much time I'm going to have to write. I've pulled my first fic, Perfect Game as well as a few of my other o/s's. But I've had a couple people ask me for a PDF of Perfect Game, so I'll be working on that over the holidays as well. (I know PG is terrible, but I've left it up as a reminder as to how far I've come since I first started writing and it's there for me and no one else, so it's time) When You Least Expect It and Learning to Live will remain on Ffn.**

 **Happy Holidays!**

 **XX**


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